The trouble is they are trying to split it up and treat it as services where as its nothing but 1's and 0's and should be treated as such, information can be gathered by just knowing the type of data and it's destination and who knows in the future what they might do with it, why should it be monitored and shaped when the costs are the same being just data, they're trying to place control where it isn't needed, in time the networks will grow and things will improve.
The problem is that whilst the data is just ones and zeros, some things are very sensitive to lost or delayed packets, ask anyone who has played online on a 56k modem, or whilst their house mates are downloading.
To be fully "net neutral" (a bit of a silly term), is to treat all data with the same priority regardless of how much of a certain type there is, and if it is time sensitive.
For a physical world analogy, the internet is the highway, the data packets are the vehicles on it.
You wouldn't even try to send building materials (bit torrentl) via motorbike courier, but by truck - whilst at the same time you wouldn't send urgent documents (VOIP) needed same day by truck, you'd use a motorbike courier (or similar).
Or as another analogy - Royal Mail operate first and second class mail, they are both dealt with in almost the exact same manner, the only difference is that first class mail gets loaded onto the van's first, both will get where they are going (often at the same time depending on how busy they are), but the cheaper service can take longer.
Unless there is an unlimited network capacity at all points up to the end user you're always going to face some problems with data being lost or delayed - so if you're a net neutral ISP you lose roughly the same amount of data regardless of what type it is - for some types it won't matter in the slightest that it's lost even 20% of the packets, for others losing (or delaying) just 5% might make it unusable.
Oddly enough the same apps that tend to use the most bandwidth are also some of the most tolerant of lost packets, whilst those that are most frugal are most affected by lost packets.
As long as an ISP doesn't deliberately slow down all but the data from it's "partners" not being net neutral can actually be a very beneficial thing for the average user who needs his VOIP, online games etc to work.
What a lot of non neutral ISP's are suggesting is that when they do have to start dropping/delaying data due to capacity issues they give some level of priority to data from partners who have signed some form of SLA with them, or where it's more sensitive to the loss/delay.
As I think i put it in another thread when they find they need to drop say 10% of all data due to network issues, they try to drop it from the types of data where it's going to have least affect (bit torrent users would just see a slowdown in their multi gb file transfers), as opposed to
VOIP or Games players for whom a 10% loss of packets could make their apps unusable, the oeveral affect of giving a preference to the VOIP/games traffic wouldn't make much difference to say the torrent users in such a situation.
It's also worth considering that if say Virgin signs a deal with Youtube or the BBC to give a preference to their data when capacity becomes an issue, it can also mean they move the traffic off their general network links to private peering points, with the result that most of the time many users might actually see an improvement.
It might also mean that the ISP has that little bit more money to put into upgrading it's network to meet the increased demands put on it, many of the isp's are reportedly finding it very hard to make any proft as it is...
Virgin have done more in some ways than almost any other ISP to prevent some of the looming problems things like the BBC Iplayer are going to cause in regards of network traffic, by working with the BBC for a way around it - in the case of the Iplayer by implementing it onto their TV VOD system taking it off the "data"* network, and onto the TV data side of things.
*Which itself brings up an interesting question, as the whole of the telephone system becomes fully digital, travelling along the same physical lines as the "computer" data, does that mean that to be "net neutral" the likes of BT would have to be willing to give internet data the same priority as they give for phone use? (it's all 1's and 0's...).