Was I right to respond the way I did?

JamesJoanne · 28 Sep 2018 at 10:29

So I met this polish girl from POF and from the beginning she seemed quite a reserved person. Fair enough I thought some people need more time than others to "open" up. We chatted for about 2 hours over some drinks and during this time although she was quite talkative about subjects that I would bring up she didn't ask me a single question, and I mean not a single one, absolutely nothing.

I found that quite a turn off considering this is supposed to be a date of sorts but I didn't say anything. I did get a bit irritated by this but shut my mouth. Upon me putting the question in indirect terms she said she would meet again and we can go to a restaurant next time. Now i didn't believe she meant this and was probably a polite way to get rid off someone but anyway.

Yesterday I sent her a txt asking if we she can meet during the weekend to which she replied that she can't because of a friend she has visiting her. Up until yesterday and prior to my message(s) she hadn't contacted me at all and would always take her time to reply even though she had seen my messages according to whatsapp.

I didn't believe her reason one bit based on the basis of her general passive attitude towards me and wrote back that she can just tell me that shes not interested, am not her type or whatever and to stop lying to me. She replied she doesn't lie and now after this she is turned off by the fact that I would say such a thing and she said goodbye. (Fine!)

I believe I was rational in my approach to confront this potential BS and even though you can never be 100% sure with someone you don't know and their claims, I think she could not in hell expect me to see her seriously and meet again if thus far she had done absolutely nothing to show any kind of interest. If she had send a txt, replied with "I can't this weekend but lets arrange it for the next", or SOMETHING after our meeting to keep in touch I would have had a different mind however I am not a 6th sense savant to be able to understand what people think inside their mind and I only have their outwards actions to judge them on.

Am I overthinking this and caused a problem that isn't really there or I handled this appropriately and fairly given the circumstances? I just wanted to protect my time/money/feelings messing with someone who has shown, in my opinion, red flags of disinterest.

Diddums · 28 Sep 2018 at 10:32

Holy hell, no wonder you're on PoF :eek:

antijoke · 28 Sep 2018 at 10:33

This is why people ghost people.

FortuitousFluke · 28 Sep 2018 at 10:34

Diddums said:
Holy hell, no wonder you're on PoF

This.

You asked for a second date, proposed a weekend for it, she said she couldn't do that weekend (straight up, she didn't cancel or stand you up), instead of trying to find another date that would work you fast forwarded to calling her a liar.

Top wooing my good man.

Ayahuasca · 28 Sep 2018 at 10:34

Chad is ploughing her right now via 1 message to her on tinder, whilst you keep checking if she's read your WhatsApp messages like an autist. Jesus Christ, just don't bother dating man, at least until you've sorted your own head out.

[FnG]magnolia · 28 Sep 2018 at 10:36

She's not interested in you and you can do far better than her.

Move on, my dude

TheVoice · 28 Sep 2018 at 10:37

Sounds like she dodged a bullet.

JamesJoanne · 28 Sep 2018 at 10:40

FortuitousFluke said:
This.

You asked for a second date, proposed a weekend for it, she said she couldn't do that weekend (straight up, she didn't cancel or stand you up), instead of trying to find another date that would work you fast forwarded to calling her a liar.

Top wooing my good man.

The "you are liar" comment , although strong, comes on the back of a series of events not just because she couldn't meet when I said.

placeholder · 28 Sep 2018 at 10:42

Why bother calling her a liar? What possible positive outcome could have come from that? If she isn't interested then you aren't seeing her again anyway and if you've mis-read the situation then proposing an alternative date would have been smart.

As it is you blew it so no, your approach was not good.

peterwalkley · 28 Sep 2018 at 10:42

She wasn't interested but too polite to tell you to go away. You painted her into a corner and thus forced an aggressive response. Delete the number and move on.

[FnG]magnolia · 28 Sep 2018 at 10:43

Challenge her to a duel!

Avenged7Fold · 28 Sep 2018 at 10:43

I mean it sounds like you went on a date and you droned on about whatever you wanted and she tried to engage in conversation but you got annoyed because she didn't ask for more detail in whatever subjects you brought up? (willing to bet that the subject is OP himself). You didn't think she seemed interested but is really up to her to say. She then gives you a valid and very believable excuse as to why she cant do something this weekend and you accuse her of being a liar?

To be honest, i am not surprised she was turned off by that. If this is how you react to someone you are trying to get to know, how snappy and paranoid do you get when you are in a proper relationship?

If someone is not interested, most of the time they will tell you or just ignore you, not come up with weekly excuses until you get the picture...

[FnG]magnolia · 28 Sep 2018 at 10:47

Challenge her to a marathon!

Ayahuasca · 28 Sep 2018 at 10:49

[FnG]magnolia said:
Challenge her to a marathon!

not a sprint?

FortuitousFluke · 28 Sep 2018 at 10:50

JamesJoanne said:
The "you are liar" comment , although strong, comes on the back of a series of events not just because she couldn't meet when I said.

Based on what you've said in the OP it was an over reaction.

antijoke · 28 Sep 2018 at 10:51

JamesJoanne said:
The "you are liar" comment , although strong, comes on the back of a series of events not just because she couldn't meet when I said.

So you didn't give the full story in the OP?

adidan · 28 Sep 2018 at 10:54

[FnG]magnolia said:
Challenge her to a duel!

This is the only true way to judge a person's honesty.

OP: calling someone a liar nevers ends well.

Learn and move on.

JamesJoanne · 28 Sep 2018 at 10:54

antijoke said:
So you didn't give the full story in the OP?

I did give the full story. I just said in my txt that she could just tell me shes not interested and not lie just to avoid me. Although this is coming on strong, I don't think it is entirely unjustifiable given the circumstances

CaptainRAVE · 28 Sep 2018 at 10:55

Sounds like you both aren't right for each other.

CHokKA · 28 Sep 2018 at 10:55

Total overreaction man. That's not how you react after one date where you've spent ages talking about yourself and your interests. Did you even ask her what she'd like to talk about?

To be honest, it was going wrong when you stated that you had to shut your mouth when you were getting annoyed at her not asking any questions. That's just odd to be honest. Not everyone has the same interests, and just because she didn't ask you any questions doesn't give you the right to get annoyed about that.