What design criteria do toaster designers use?
- Thread starter Valentino
- Start date
Modern toasters seem to be utter garbage! Not all of them will take a slice of plain Scottish bread without some sticking out the top and those that do never toast if fully. A full toasting cycle leaves the bread still almost white. Yet another complete cycle burns it black!
Gotta toast it once then pop it out half way through the second session!
Gotta toast it once then pop it out half way through the second session!
It's not heat, it's time.
I've got a Kenwood Response toaster, it's brilliant. No levers or anything, it's all automatic. Even makes a chime sound just before your toast is done so you can be ready, and if it's not removed within 8 seconds it lowers and keeps it warm for you.
This is beginning to sound like a really bad Michael McIntyre routine.
Or in the words of Stewart Lee:
"Aren't toasters annoying? It's like they only have two settings - they either don't work at all or burn it entirely"
"What you have there...is a broken toaster. I don't think that toaster would pass even the most rudimentary elements of the toaster design checklist."
Or in the words of Stewart Lee:
"Aren't toasters annoying? It's like they only have two settings - they either don't work at all or burn it entirely"
"What you have there...is a broken toaster. I don't think that toaster would pass even the most rudimentary elements of the toaster design checklist."
After almost two years I managed to tweak the dial on my toaster to give me the perfect toast, not too under-done and not too burnt, I was so pleased. Then unfortunately a gnat or something must have flown past and the minuscule downdraught of its tiny wings must have moved that dial 0.000001 of an atoms width and now it just burns the toast again 
My preferred loaf slice of bread also does not fit in my toaster, inserted vertically it sticks out of the top by about 1.5-2", attempts to insert horizontally are completely fail as it will not fit in at all unless cut in half. Make toasters bigger FFS!
My preferred loaf slice of bread also does not fit in my toaster, inserted vertically it sticks out of the top by about 1.5-2", attempts to insert horizontally are completely fail as it will not fit in at all unless cut in half. Make toasters bigger FFS!
Caporegime
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- 1 Mar 2008
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- 26,303
This one is cool:
Hah! Reminded me of Karl Pilkington's only idea for an invention being a see-through toaster. Then he realised that they've been made already.
Toasters, along with other small kitchen appliances, is one of those seemingly simple mechanical devices that is under constant streamline of redesign to make it less usable and more retarded with every next series.
Allow me to serve you some examples:
Kettle. As far as simple devices go, it doesn't get simpler. You only need it to heat water, heat it fast, maybe show you how much water it has and in extreme situations - make a sound when water is ready and hot.
15 years ago, your mum would treat electric kettle as one-in-a-lifetime purchase. She would go, pick one based on water capacity and colour, and expect to never, ever, in her lifetime return to the subject. The kettle would be mostly made of metal, boil water until cows come home, your mum would every decade or so fill it up with vinegar to get rid of 4 pounds of scale on heating element.
7 years ago, your older sister would treat electric kettle as one-in-a-blue-moon purchase. She would go and pick one based on modern or retro aesthetics and general colour scheme of her kitchen and expect to not return to the subject until she gets new furniture. The kettle would be mostly made of plastic and metal, boil water with funky lights appearing everywhere and every once in a while your sister would buy calgon in fancy package to get rid of 4 pounds of scale on heating plate.
Today, an electric kettle is once-in-at-most-3-years purchase. You can go and pick one based on "the least embarrassing, cheap **** design", you can go as high as £100 with LCD displays and still find that it reeks of molten vinyl records inside for months, and if it doesn't break down after 13 months because of irreperable switch mechanism then it's guaranteed to expire shortly after small amount of scale builds up on flux capacitor sensor safe guarding electronic thermostat switch off mechanism to avoid body being "too warm to touch for ages 3-7" scenario, as required by Electrical And Safety Regulations In Residential Dwellings Part 14, Addendum 6, Paragraph 5 of 2009 revisions".
In similar way - microwaves. My mums 15 year old Hinari has microwave meal manual programs in up to 10 stages - so when it says on the box "microwave on full for 3 minutes, shake gently, microwave on full for further 3 minutes, let it rest for 1 minute", you literally program it, to do just that - press few buttons - defrost meal 300g, full power, 3 minutes, no power, just spin the plate for 1 minute, then full power, 3 minutes, no power, 1 minute, let it chill." Beep when done. It wasn't such a big deal, my old Panasonic had 6 stages, my girlfriends old Sharp had 5 stages.
Last month I tried to find new microwave, with the only requirement being cooking stages. Can't find more than two, at most three stages. Just doesn't exist. You can spend £300 and the oven will offer to grill/steam/halogen you chicken provancale with mushroom stroganoff and risotto, but it won't warm up a flipping normal microwave meal in one go without you standing there and pressing buttons every 3 minutes. WTF has time for that these days?
And finally toasters. I mean, my god - all you need it to do is to warm up bread and don't burn it. Done since later 1940ies, it shouldn't be such a big deal, right. But no. No such luck. It just had to be "improved". I don't want it to do bagels, paninis, diet karg bread, warm up cruissonts, bake popadoms and melt cheese in tortilla rolls if it means IT WON'T DO BREAD TOAST PROPERLY. I don't want it to froth milk, cook eggs and play music. Don't want it to be designed as "8 side by side" for Kennedy family, plated in gold and chrome and be the size of Bentley trunk, we don't have kitchen spaces for that. I need it to sit by the wall in the corner and do EVENLY toasted bread, done in less time than it takes to drive to local Subway branch. Preferably ejected when done so I don't burn my fingers, and a little "ding" sound would be appreciated just in case Bruce Willis needs to shoot John Travolta in my kitchen at any point in the future. That's all it needs to do.
So... last year, my girl won this great new £70 toaster in competition. Brushed aluminum, space age design, LED buttons, panini trays, one sided, double sided, 10 page "receipe" cook book.
Guess what? Slot is designed wider - for extra trays, so regular bread, especially soft bread, just leans onto one side. So, for all the extra features - toaster burns the top, doesn't toast the bottom and when done....
doesn't even eject. You lift the tray manualy with handle on the side...
Pretty, expensive and foxtrotting useless. I can't believe it - we designed ships to send people into space 50 years ago. And we can't do a proper bread toaster 50 years later. I was promised flying cars by 21st century.
Enough ranting for one afternoon, I need to supervise microwave meal.
Allow me to serve you some examples:
Kettle. As far as simple devices go, it doesn't get simpler. You only need it to heat water, heat it fast, maybe show you how much water it has and in extreme situations - make a sound when water is ready and hot.
15 years ago, your mum would treat electric kettle as one-in-a-lifetime purchase. She would go, pick one based on water capacity and colour, and expect to never, ever, in her lifetime return to the subject. The kettle would be mostly made of metal, boil water until cows come home, your mum would every decade or so fill it up with vinegar to get rid of 4 pounds of scale on heating element.
7 years ago, your older sister would treat electric kettle as one-in-a-blue-moon purchase. She would go and pick one based on modern or retro aesthetics and general colour scheme of her kitchen and expect to not return to the subject until she gets new furniture. The kettle would be mostly made of plastic and metal, boil water with funky lights appearing everywhere and every once in a while your sister would buy calgon in fancy package to get rid of 4 pounds of scale on heating plate.
Today, an electric kettle is once-in-at-most-3-years purchase. You can go and pick one based on "the least embarrassing, cheap **** design", you can go as high as £100 with LCD displays and still find that it reeks of molten vinyl records inside for months, and if it doesn't break down after 13 months because of irreperable switch mechanism then it's guaranteed to expire shortly after small amount of scale builds up on flux capacitor sensor safe guarding electronic thermostat switch off mechanism to avoid body being "too warm to touch for ages 3-7" scenario, as required by Electrical And Safety Regulations In Residential Dwellings Part 14, Addendum 6, Paragraph 5 of 2009 revisions".
In similar way - microwaves. My mums 15 year old Hinari has microwave meal manual programs in up to 10 stages - so when it says on the box "microwave on full for 3 minutes, shake gently, microwave on full for further 3 minutes, let it rest for 1 minute", you literally program it, to do just that - press few buttons - defrost meal 300g, full power, 3 minutes, no power, just spin the plate for 1 minute, then full power, 3 minutes, no power, 1 minute, let it chill." Beep when done. It wasn't such a big deal, my old Panasonic had 6 stages, my girlfriends old Sharp had 5 stages.
Last month I tried to find new microwave, with the only requirement being cooking stages. Can't find more than two, at most three stages. Just doesn't exist. You can spend £300 and the oven will offer to grill/steam/halogen you chicken provancale with mushroom stroganoff and risotto, but it won't warm up a flipping normal microwave meal in one go without you standing there and pressing buttons every 3 minutes. WTF has time for that these days?
And finally toasters. I mean, my god - all you need it to do is to warm up bread and don't burn it. Done since later 1940ies, it shouldn't be such a big deal, right. But no. No such luck. It just had to be "improved". I don't want it to do bagels, paninis, diet karg bread, warm up cruissonts, bake popadoms and melt cheese in tortilla rolls if it means IT WON'T DO BREAD TOAST PROPERLY. I don't want it to froth milk, cook eggs and play music. Don't want it to be designed as "8 side by side" for Kennedy family, plated in gold and chrome and be the size of Bentley trunk, we don't have kitchen spaces for that. I need it to sit by the wall in the corner and do EVENLY toasted bread, done in less time than it takes to drive to local Subway branch. Preferably ejected when done so I don't burn my fingers, and a little "ding" sound would be appreciated just in case Bruce Willis needs to shoot John Travolta in my kitchen at any point in the future. That's all it needs to do.
So... last year, my girl won this great new £70 toaster in competition. Brushed aluminum, space age design, LED buttons, panini trays, one sided, double sided, 10 page "receipe" cook book.
Guess what? Slot is designed wider - for extra trays, so regular bread, especially soft bread, just leans onto one side. So, for all the extra features - toaster burns the top, doesn't toast the bottom and when done....
doesn't even eject. You lift the tray manualy with handle on the side...
Pretty, expensive and foxtrotting useless. I can't believe it - we designed ships to send people into space 50 years ago. And we can't do a proper bread toaster 50 years later. I was promised flying cars by 21st century.
Enough ranting for one afternoon, I need to supervise microwave meal.
Last edited:
Soldato
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^win...
Soldato
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Set fire to the toaster & toast some bread manually using a fork.
Just a fork?
How does a fork cook bread?
wouldn't it be better to use the flaming toaster?
FFS no its a Bugatti Volo
I also have a Bugatti Arco Bilancia pictured here
worktop shot
Associate
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- 26 Oct 2005
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- South Coast
I've got a Tefal wide slot toaster and yes you can put the bread in with the crust sideways so no 'raw bits'. Even takes crumpets without flattening.
As a singleton why can't they make the slots on the toasters heat independently? I only use one slot at a time and it seems a waste of electricity...most toasters are dual slot.
As a singleton why can't they make the slots on the toasters heat independently? I only use one slot at a time and it seems a waste of electricity...most toasters are dual slot.
I'm impressed that all toasters are designed to be uncleanable, crumbs just mount up year after year until they eventually turn into a bread inferno and burn your house down.
Short of chucking the whole thing into a tumble dryer then there is no way to get all the bits out.
A nice clean drop into the crumb tray would solve all this, but there is always a warren of metal in the way.
Short of chucking the whole thing into a tumble dryer then there is no way to get all the bits out.
A nice clean drop into the crumb tray would solve all this, but there is always a warren of metal in the way.