What is wrong with milk these days? It's not milk

[Lysander]

I'm talking about supermarket milk. It doesn't taste like milk, it's just like white water. It doesn't curdle when it goes off, it turns into a thick paste overnight even before its "use by". God knows that they've done to it, but's not actually milk. Even Yeo Valley milk is not milk.

From now on I'm going to try and get mine from a proper dairy. Anyone know what the hell the stuff actually is in the supermarkets? It's being sold as milk but it's one step away from PVA glue.

 

[Lysander]

milkandmore

if you want the cream at the top old fashioned milk, get milk that isn’t homogenised.

https://www.milkandmore.co.uk/Dairy/Milk-&-More-Traditional-Whole-Milk-in-Glass,-568ml,-1pt/p/2004521

better for the environment with glass bottles that get recycled too.

Yes, that looks like the stuff we used to get delivered back in '80s. Exactly the same bottle with a silver top. I'm tempted to give it a go.

What are their delivery times like? Does it actually taste like milk?

Just get Cravendale if you're at the supermarket. Lovely stuff.

I've never tried it. Maybe I'll give it a go as a last-ditch attempt.

 

[Lysander]

Depends on your local driver. Mine comes Mon, Weds, Friday. We get 2 on Monday and 1 on Wednesday and Friday. But it depends on your location. Put your postcode in and it’ll tell you their days. Yeah it tastes great.

They deliver in the night like an old fashioned milk man. If your front door step is east facing (or gets the morning sun on it) then maybe get an insulated milk bottle holder for summer months.

We live in a gated block. Would be hard for them to get in, I imagine. That would be a problem. I didn't realise they deliver it like a milkman, that's great.

 

[Lysander]

This is the result of socialism.

Go on.

 

[Lysander]

Nutrition? Same. Calories? Same.

Taste? Nil.

 

[Lysander]

Milk is for babies when we were born same as many other creatures drink mothers milk no need for a human to drink a non humans milk (mainly a cows).

There is no need, no. But it's highly nutritious and it tastes good.

Cows were invented because of milk. We may as well use them.

 

[Lysander]

Just the thought of drinking milk makes me retch*


(* I've just realised I don't know how to spell bawk, boke....any tips on how it's spelt? boke seems to be Scottish)

Balk?

 

[Lysander]

I get milk from the milkman.

You mean from the milk he delivers...

 

[Lysander]

I switched to Oak milk

 

[Lysander]

I see that Unigate have branched out.

Decent.

 

[Lysander]

Cattle are descended from Aurochs a now extinct species as a consequence of selective breeding by humans, so we did kind of make them. It's a north western european genetic change that must have had very strong evolutionary advantage.

Indeed. Someone said to me recently, thinking they were being funny, "I wonder who the first person was who squeezed a cow's udder and thought, 'I'm going to drink this'"? Well, that's the whole reason cows exist. Imagine creating a species just so you can use its resources [and kill it]. Kind of impressive.

 

[Lysander]

LOL, it's the total opposite of what you want though. I agree with Worthy, filtered milk like Cravendale is indeed lovely stuff, but it's arguably the most modern of the modern style milk you're complaining about. It's basically super-pure homogenised milk with a much longer shelf life than most! Whereas you want old-school, bits of cream floating to the top milk.

Oh, OK. Dairy it is then. Maybe I'll just give Much Milk or whatever they're called the gate code. As long as they don't come too early in the mornings.

 

[Lysander]

81p for a bottle of milk????? Jesus, I'll be skint by end of the month. My 1 year old has about 1 pint each day, my other 2 lads have about 2 pints between them a day - cereals and drinks. I go through about 1-2 pints a day with my teas, coffee, cereals, porridge and cooking...

Change to goat milk?

 

[Lysander]

Lasts longer than any other type of milk, dog's milk.

Why is that?

 

[Lysander]

Grant Naylor want their joke back

Naylor? We all know Rob Grant wrote all the funny parts.

 

[Lysander]

I tried some of the Cravendale, it was absolutely disgusting. Thanks for the recommendations but it was horrible to my taste. Back to dairy it is, then.

Another top tier Lysander thread.

Only the best for this place.

Coming next week: Does anyone still use Copydex?; Where is the domestic market for succulent feed?; and Is there a calculated percentage of sandwiches that make up for Pret surplus to stop the homeless rioting?

Stay tuned.

 

[Lysander]

Finally, something that actually tastes like milk.

 

[Lysander]

Or stop drinking a liquid that comes from cow breasts. Switch to human milk instead keep it in the species at least.

I don't think you understand how serious the problem is: this goes beyond just milk, this is to do with the general populous being brainwashed into thinking that supermarket milk is acceptable when it has absolutely no flavour in comparison to proper milk. It's milk in name only - it doesn't taste like milk, it doesn't behave like milk [i.e. doesn't go off in the same way]. It only looks like milk while having a picture of a cow on the bottle.

The Cravendale phenomenon is just weird. It tastes repulsive yet there are people who think it tastes delicious. It's absolutely bizarre. It's a fantastic experiment in how to tell people "this is milk and you will prefer this upgraded version" and then people going "OK yes it is and we do". Maybe it's the power of marketing. Maybe Cravendale has adverts with dancing cows that make people think, "this is great stuff and must be genuinely improved milk" when it is nothing but unnatural, synthetic, mass-marketed slush. I wouldn't be surprised if it was just pumped out of a robotic 'cow' straight into a bottle.

 

[Lysander]

Maybe different people like different tastes?

That's understandable, but my issue is that this is not milk. But people not only think it's acceptable, but that it is milk. It's literally revisionist history and goes beyond dairy farming into something far more worrying.

 

[Lysander]

Awww, I was going to ask you if you'd still try some so I could see what you thought of it.

That's one heck of a rant by the way. Some people like tomatoes, and some don't. We're all different.

Hmm, I actually trimmed back the part about robotic cows.

I actually didn't realise I'd bought Cravendale the first time I tried it. I just grabbed a big bottle of semi-skimmed. It was only when I tasted it that I thought "Wow!" and looked at the bottle. So no marketing influence here, sorry to burst your bubble.

I don't know, I think the dark lords at Cravendale et al have put a lot of work into human psychological research. They probably read Sun Tzu and Machiavelli.