What more can we do ?

teulk

teulk

teulk

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jarrow
We started asking our son who is almost 18yrs old for board to which hes not happy with ( i dont want a debate on if he should pay board). He works part time (8 hours a week sat / sun) and earns about £130 pm for a flat month so we decided he should pay £20 board per month min with the condition that the amount he pays depends on what he earns any particular month. He has absolutley no get up and go or any aspirations what so ever. Whats more he has a baby on the way due in july and so far has only bought 3 items of clothing for it ! - he would rather spend his money on games. He spends upto 12hrs a day on his xbox so we decided today to up his board to a quarter of his pay but capped at £100 and to limit his game playing/computer time to 5hours a day. We are doing this to try and give a kick up the backside to get out and look for a better job. An example, he finds a job in a local paper last night, circles it and then leaves the paper in full view for us to find - when i ask him what hes done about it to day his reply is "nothing" !
He actually thinks that we are being harsh as he has to pay "loads of money" to us for board - this month he earned £280 so i put this question to him " so if i take £70 board and leave you with £210 to spend on nothing as you never go out other than to work twice a week (costs him about £25pm in travel ) and you have nothing else to pay how can that be harsh !?"

We dont need the board he pays (we are putting it aside for the baby but he doesnt know that) but at the same time we've tried talking to him and explaining that at the age of 18 with a kid on the way he should be doing more than just working 8hrs and spending 12hrs a day on his xbox - we are just trying to give that push to do something. We wouldnt even mind if he went to college to try and better himself as he has no excuse cos he only works weekends.

Anyone else been in a similar situation and any solutions that may have worked for you ?
 
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he needs kicking out to see how harsh the real world is tbh.

seriously you need to sort his life out before its to late

even on the dole he would be earning more money so why does he only work 8 hours a week?
 
Buy a big new shiny TV, give him the box & polystyrene packaging and tell him to sling his hook! Tell him if he doesn't like it then all he's got to do is to pay his way!

Simple as that!

For the record, £20 pm is not much at all. Hell, I was paying £30 per week at his age!
 
Your right he would probably get more on the dole but the last thing i want is him spending more time in the house getting money for effectively doing nothing. He does do some extra hours but very little. The way i look at it is he has a job and he should keep it and get more hours or get another one.

I kicked him out at the back end of last year thinking that would teach him a lesson but he has learnt absolutly nothing from it !
 
yes kick him out, hes not your responsibility any more and is taking you for a complete ride, I was asked by my parents to pay rent last year whilst earning (im 22 in full time education, took a year in industry) and I obliged as i realised that getting all my living cost washing and ironing and a roof over my head for a year 20% of my salary was an utter bargain, mum even made me sandwiches every day for a year!

and FYI no you didnt kick him out last year as he is still living with you now!
He clearly knew you would cave in and let him back hence why you're being taken for a ride again!
 
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Azagoth said:
For the record, £20 pm is not much at all. Hell, I was paying £30 per week at his age!
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Exactly, what he fails to understand is that at his age he should be wanting to contribute and i beleive he should contribute not only financially but in the chores ( dont get me started on that either) also around the house.

All we are trying to do is get him ready for he does eventually leave home and have to do things for himself but he cant see that and will be in for one hell of a shock when he does leave.
 
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BluZiff said:
and FYI no you didnt kick him out last year as he is still living with you now!
He clearly knew you would cave in and let him back hence why you're being taken for a ride again!
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Sorry should made myself more clear - i did kick him out at the back of last year and he lived with a mate for a few months until he decided he wanted to come home, so no he isnt kicked out at the moment but he was or had been kicked out.
 
Change the locks? i seriously fail to see how he can think doing what he is doing (or not doing as the case may be) is acceptable for an 18 year old.
 
teulk said:
he should contribute not only financially but in the chores ( dont get me started on that either) also around the house.
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In that case, then there's one simple thing you can do. That is, don't do any of his washing, if he puts clothes in the wash just don't stick them in with the usual load. Tell him it's either he does them himself or his mates starte calling him "stinky" behind his back.

Baby steps you see, first his washing then perhaps get him doing the dishes.
 
teulk said:
Sorry should made myself more clear - i did kick him out at the back of last year and he lived with a mate for a few months until he decided he wanted to come home, so no he isnt kicked out at the moment but he was or had been kicked out.
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i think you should have told him if he wants to live under your roof he needs a proper job and not let him back in until hes working a minimum of 3 full days a week and earning a half decent wage.

there are school kids in 6th form earning more money than he does and you cant support him forever.

btw atleast if he was on the dole it wouldnt be just you trying to force him into a proper job and they would force him onto a training scheme after 6 months if he wanted to keep getting any money from them
 
arknor said:
btw atleast if he was on the dole it wouldnt be just you trying to force him into a proper job and they would force him onto a training scheme after 6 months if he wanted to keep getting any money from them
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But for him to do that he would have to give up his job and that would have implications on him receiving his dole would it not ?
 
teulk said:
Dont tempt me
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/tempts

Lol.

Seriously though, all you can really do is to restrict his activities. Don't do his washing, anything that directly benefits him. And maintain the reason, if he questions, is because he won't pay, or contribute anything to it. Remind him of his obligation to his child - maybe he should consider giving it up for adoption, so it could be with loving parents (unless you would take on the responsibility, which is fair enough).

Other than that, all I can say, is to kick him out.
 
maybe he should consider giving it up for adoption, so it could be with loving parents (unless you would take on the responsibility, which is fair enough).
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the mother might have something to say about that and maybe the mother is more responsible and will give the child all it needs.

plenty of single mothers do a good job.
 
Wow some harsh attitudes in here... probably by people who had their lives mapped out either by themselves or their parents and happen to have got a good job and future prospects... or the right opportunities.

Its only right that he pays some rent imo and depending on the level he pays, helping out around the house shouldn't go amiss. Also while I have a lot of sympathy for people not slaving themselves for minimum wage to line someone elses pockets, if he can easily get more hours then he should be working atleast 20-25 hours a week especially with a child on the way.

I'd say between 1/4 and 1/5 of the salary as rent is a fair price.

I don't agree with the whole kicking out attitude... (not aimed at the OP) "you" brought him into the world, helped shape his upbringing, etc. and then wash your hands of the whole thing as soon as it suits you?
 
no one said kick him out and disown him if he is playing games all day long and lazing around the house then obviously he needs a shock big enough for him to evaluate what he is going to do with his life.

kicking out would acheive this after a period of his friends getting more annoyed with him not contributing anything than his parents did.

he wouldnt be able to freeload forever
 
what about 'kicking him out' between 9-5, its his choice whether he decides to get a job.
then its his choice whether he wants dinner/washing ironing etc and has to pay a nominal board.
 
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