What to do....mum having an affair

dayloon

dayloon

dayloon

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Stafford
Good evening.

I'd like some advice from my fellow OCUKers if possible. My mum is 59, Dad is 65. They've been married 27 years. About 2 months ago my mum had a huge argument with my gran and they've not spoken since. My mum refuses to tell us what the argument was about. My gran called my sister earlier has said that she discovered my mum was having an affair and confrontered her, my mum apparantly was furious that my gran had found out and walked out.

To be honest this wouldn't surprise me that much. My mum is still quite young at heart, full of energy. Since my dad retired however, he's gone downhill quite a lot. He's forgettful, grumpy and just isn't with it. My mum has struggled with this for quite some time.

The problem is....what do i do with this information ? I could confront my mum which would run the risk of her not talking to me either and I could destroy a 27 year marriage. Or i could do nothing.
 
Don't think I could stand by and do nothing, I'd have to confront my mum with it. I'd also force her to tell my dad.

I really don't envy you your position though, and whatever you feel is right in your situation is probably what you should do.
 
Confront her, it's not right that she is lying to your family and even excluding your gran because she knows what's going on. Do you just know she is cheating or do you know actual details about who it's with?

dayloon said:
I could destroy a 27 year marriage. Or i could do nothing.
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Your mum has already done that. Don't blame yourself for telling the truth if you confront her. She is the one in the wrong and you should never hold yourself responsible for what may happen.
 
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Son of a...

Now really, she's totally out of order. You HAVE to tell your Dad, what would he think if he finds out and that the whole family knew and didn't tell him?
 
Zefan said:
Son of a...

Now really, she's totally out of order. You HAVE to tell your Dad, what would he think if he finds out and that the whole family knew and didn't tell him?
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Couldn't have said it better myself, i'd confront her if i was you.
 
If your mother refuses to listen, try to find out who the other guy is. He may have a family, and if so you can put the wind up him. And if your mum finds about about that and refuses to talk to you again, so be it. Atleast you did the right thing and stuck up for the innocent party, which is your dad.
 
Telling the Dad probably isn't the best thing, unless Mum is still mid-affair and has no intention of finishing it.. if she has called it off and wants to make another go of it with the Dad I'd confront her but not say anything to the Dad.
 
Blackmail your mum. You might get 2 PS3s for xmas.

For your dad, at his age, ignorance is bliss.

Seriously though, just put yourself in your dads shoes and see what you would want.

Some people need sex. If she's a good wife to your dad in all other depts, think carefully of your actions.
 
!bluetonic! said:
Blackmail your mum. You might get 2 PS3s for xmas.

For your dad, at his age, ignorance is bliss.

Seriously though, just put yourself in your dads shoes and see what you would want.

Some people need sex. If she's a good wife to your dad in all other depts, think carefully of your actions.
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Thats why it's a difficult decision. My dad couldn't cope on his own, no way. As far as i can tell, she is good to him in all other depts. I hate people who have affairs though, lowest of the low.

Please don't put the idea of my mum having sex into my head again :eek:
 
I cannot believe no one has mentioned anything about punches to the ovaries.

In all seriousness, confront her and the mystery chap. If he still insists, cut his jacobs off.
 
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