Whats wrong with me?

area51_for_psx

area51_for_psx

area51_for_psx

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Guys want to get this off my chest and get your views. Anyone who hates these types of thread please press yur back button now. :)

Guy my granmother died on the 27th July 2007. She was ill for 15 days and then passed away at 11pm on the 27th. I was with her when it happened.

Abit of background story first. I was very close to my gran as she raised me because when I was young my mum worked so my gran looked after me. Whenever you seen gran everyone knew I wouldnt be far away. This was always like this even when I got older I would call round and sit and talk with her and just chill. That was nearly everyday. I could talk about anything with her and even my dad and the rest of my family says that she was closer to me than anyone even her own children.

She was one of my best friends. I know I will never forget her and Ill always love her.

I was upset when she died but not like I had expected I held it together for my grandad. I think I was just running on auto pilot.

Its near a month since her passing and I really dont know whats wrong with me as I have hardly cried and to be honnest I am confused as I feel I should be sad or crying or showing some emotions but I am not I seem to be just getting on with it. I feel terrible because I feel like I am just going on with life and not letting it annoy me when I know it should.

Am i made of stone or something? I am sorry I am rambling at the moment I just dont know what to say.

Does anyone understand what I am trying to say? :(
 
Everyone deals with grief in their own ways. As long as you don't bottle it up (which doesn't sound like what's wrong with you) you'll be fine. One day you'll probably find it hits you all of a sudden like a brick on the back of the head. I'm sure however your gran wouldn't want you to be upset and letting it hold you back.
 
There's nothing wrong with you...

Maybe you will cry at some point, maybe it will hit you... But don't feel like you need to grieve, if you're ok with it (not totally ok ofc) and don't feel like crying don't make a big deal out it, and no it doesn't mean your an insensitive ****.

Look at it this way, what do you think your gran would like you to do?
1) Mope around crying and depressed
2) Sit around worrying why you're not crying
3) Get on with your life

She knows how much she meant to you, and you know it too, you don't need to cry to validate this to yourself.
 
I know what you mean but its just the way some people deal with things like this just because you dont feel the need to be crying all the time or being sad doesnt mean you didnt care or love her its just the way you are dealing with it. Everyones different and dont let anyone make you feel bad just because you react in different ways to other people :)
 
First off, sorry to hear about your Gran :(

Secondly, remember people handle grief in different ways. Just because you're not in floods of tears or throwing tantrums, doesn't mean you didn't care.

As long you let it take it's course, deal with things as they happen and don't try to bottle things up it's ok. :)
 
Theres nothing wrong with that. Whether you know it conciously or not, your probably just happy knowing that she's at peace.

As others have pointed out, its important you talk to others about it. Even here on OCUK is a good thing. With your close friends and family might be better still, it might not.

Theres no textbook way to react to this, so take life as it comes and do what you feel like doing.

Sorry for your loss.
 
sorry about your loss mate :(


maybe unconciously you where being strong for others around you, and one day, when you have distanced yourself enough from it, you can let it all out.

whatever happens mate, we are all here for you, so post away!

if we can help you get it out (so to speak) then i am sure GD will do so.


;)
 
I dont think you're made of stone at all. Was it like a shock death or
was it coming for a while?
I suppose it might be like you always knew it was going to happen. And it just didn't shock you so much?
 
My gran died recently

I was upset but really i'd like to remember the life she lived, which was one awesome one

Survided WWII :cool:

Just remember the happy days mate, dont let one persons passing away make your life a misery
 
death will always occur, some people realise this and as such when an older family member finally does surcome to natures will, they are more willing to accept it and as such dont do the whole ott grieving thing...or maybe im just emotionless, either way, crying is not a necessity when the enevitable happens
 
You've reacted similarly to how I did when my Dad died. Poor old bugger was in such a state before he died that my over-riding feeling was one of relief that he was no longer suffering - there were no tears, not straight away anyhow. Not even after seeing his body in the chapel of rest.

I sat and wrote a eulogy about a couple of days before his funeral and it was while I was reminiscing about things that I wrote about that it finally hit me and even then it was very strange - I cried like a child for five minutes solid and that was it. It was like that five minutes got all the grief out in one go and I amazed myself by holding it together on the day of the funeral, despite being surrounded by my wife, my aunt and my Nan who were in pieces.

I still don't know where that strength came from as I'm normally pretty emotionally open - I wear my heart on my sleeve. The only thing I can possibly think might have helped is the fact that my wife deliberately kept me talking about it and how I was feeling over the course of those few days. That was three years ago - there isn't a day goes by that I don't think about Dad in some way, but it's always thinking about the good times - like going out for a few beers with him and staggering home rat-arsed, giggling like a couple of overgrown kids.

You'll find your own way of dealing with it - it doesn't make you odd and you've got nothing to beat yourself up about. It's obvious you adored your Nan, so just take it as it comes and keep talking to family and friends.
 
It's perfectly normal. As stated, people react in different ways and regardless of how your physical reactions may be, you are mourning inside. You may also take some time to think about it and in a while come to terms with it all, crying or whatever that may be - it's all part of the process of grieving.

It sounds like you had a great relationship with your granny - something that is very rare nowadays - and that's no doubt, what you will remember and value for the rest of your life. :)
 
It's not just the case that each person deals with grief in thier own way, it's more that each person deals with each bereavement in their own way.
What I mean by that is that you can't expect to greive in the same way at each bereavement.
I have first hand experience of this.

When my dad died, I cried despite the fact I was not close to him in any way whatsoever. I hardly knew anything about him and saw him once or twice a year despite living no more than 5 minutes from him.
Conversely, when my grandad died I couldn't cry at all, but I was far closer to him than my dad. I saw him half a dozen times a year for weeks at a time although he lived 400 miles away.

I can't work out why the reactions were different, and they weren't logical - but grief isn't.
 
what is there to cry about?

She was your friend for years, you both got on great, she is now somewhere peacful and happy with her friends, maybe deep down you understand this and like me, ive lost all 4 of mine, still not cried, could be the reason your not doing the 'normal' grieving process that people expect.

It may, one day, as someone put it on here, hit you like a brick on the back of your head, or it may not. Be happy with what you had and remeber the good times as im sure she will.

Im not a religios person either but i know engery doesnt just die, it moves on and i think this is what happens. no, i cant prove it, i just have a good feeling.

Colin
 
Last year a close uncle, grandmother and aunt of mine died. I don't get emotional at things so while I'd prefer it if they were still here it hasn't affected me at all.
 
There isn't anything wrong with you, and the grief will come out eventually, when you are ready to deal with it. When my dad died, I held myself together for my mum's sake, and it took about 6 months for me to start to deal with it. When mum died 2 years after dad, I just went to bits straight away, partly I think because I didn't have to hold it together for anyone else.

No, you're not made of stone, and no there isn't anything wrong with you, so don't worry about the way you're reacting, you'll deal with it when you're ready.

I'm really sorry for your loss, mate.
 
Sad for your loss my friend

but as long as you remember them they will never die
and they are with you always



 
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