Whip It Out And Measure IT

vincent1989 said:
you dawg, i heard you liked bacon so we put a bacon on yo bacon so you can have a coronary while yo have a coronary :p
Click to expand...

Thus the lord upon realisation of man's insatiable urge for bacon, and his mistakes in making it so divine as to be dangerous, decided he must act!

At first he considered reducing bacons divinity to that of mere meat, although as horrifying as this thought was it showed truly the lord cared so much for us that he would sacrifice bacon in our name.

However knowing man so well he knew we would not accept such a high cost even for our lives.

And then a spark of thought, an idea, so divine even the lord dropped to his knees and and prayed to whatever power could inspire such beauty, such compassion and compromise.

So he brought this idea cradled in his shaking hands and presented it to man.

Who stood struck with such an awe he had not experienced since the Lord came to him in his youth and frailty.
When his very life hung in the balance and on that day as he stood cold and starving on the endless plains, the Lord appeared to him and presented him Bacon.
It warmed him, nourished him and gave him the drive to aspire ever higher so one day he may reach his once more distant lord and thank him with all his heart for his great gift.

With all his heart.

His heart of such passion and love which stands to be destroyed by the thing he loves most, even before his lord.

Some believe it ii this love higher than the lord that brought down his punishment against man's heart, but No!

The lord, who's wisdom and love had given birth to bacon, understands man's heart and the love he holds for bacon.
He himself held sway to the same love although he held man higher in his heart, it is this compassion that proves his divinity, and he would never punish man for his love of his creation.


So the Lord came to man cradling his inspired creation as though it were a newborn and on that rainy May day in 1960 , he passed it to man and both the Lord and man wept with joy at it's beauty.

Thus man's love of bacon and his imperfect heart was reconciled with the first successful Coronary artery bypass surgery.

Although like man it was imperfect, but it gave us hope and once more man was inspired with a vision and drive he had not felt since that day on the plains, and he struggled, he fought and paid with blood and tears and for 7 years he spared no effort no length not inch of his being...



And in the glorious year of 1967 he succeded

As the Lord once used his own flesh to create man, man used his own flesh to perfect it!


The Saphenous vein autograft, flesh from man willingly given to fortify and restore his heart, so once more he can worship at the altar of bacon.

To this day we are thankful for the Lords gifts and those who knowing that there can only be so much bacon willingly forgo it and take on the burden and stigma of Vegetarian so that more may know the joy of bacon!

This is why despite their seeming deamonism, their heresy and shunning of the lords gift, we should honour them.

They are the solider who falls on a grenade to save his comrades.

The fireman who braves the heat of our misplaced fury.

They are our ever vigilant and ever alone providers, ensuring when times are hard there will be plenty.

So go now!

Go forth and thank them, and tell others the story of bacon and their noble sacrifice.

When you see a believer raise his hand or prepare a barb with which to strike them, step in be their shield, fortified by bacon you can take any punishment cast upon thee, protect them as they have protected you!


After all the lord teaches we must work together and aspire ever higher till we reach our Eden, a land and time where man need not worry about bacon where man can be united and know no sacrifice must be made.

A world, a people we can be proud of.

United, for now and forever.
 
Last edited:
Picked ours up earlier, I knew the farm was an expensive one (they supply to some of the top London restaurants) but I looked up what it would have cost for the small 4.5KG one I collected.. £35! Hope it tastes as good as it looks :)
 
the ballotine my dad got this year is a good 15 inches long :D I think it's Duck --> Pheasant --> Woodland Pidgeon
 
Ended up with a 14lb turkey. The cost of a goose was comparable to the better grade turkeys, £50ish but I couldn't find one large enough. Maybe next year.
 
Why is turkey so popular for Christmas? It is American and I dislike it. Nothing better than a very nice big slab of beef for Christmas day thinly sliced with some horseradish sauce.
 
Mr. Anderson said:
Why is turkey so popular for Christmas? It is American and I dislike it. Nothing better than a very nice big slab of beef for Christmas day thinly sliced with some horseradish sauce.
Click to expand...

? :confused: No it's not. We have Turkey at Thanksgiving. This year for I'm having a Christmas ham.
 
My bird's got big juicy thighs and cracking breasts.

I can't wait to give her a good stuffing, don't want to get my hand stuck though!

Then I'll spitroast her good and proper until she's dripping with tasty juices and set about her like a ravenous beast.

I might make sprouts too.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom