Why......
Do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are dead?
Often it's grime under the buttons causing contact issues
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?
To make more money
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
You can easily disprove the latter
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
It does, but the solvents don't escape and allow the glue to solidify if there is no airflow
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Compensation culture, in case the lethal injection fails and they get a disease. They still need to be humane
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
He's not real
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
It would be boring/he's not real. Besides, he usually catches the revolver
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
To ensure they get to their destination
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
A happy coincidence
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Some poor tool doesn't seem to understand that evolution occurs in branches
Why is it that no matter what colour bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?
They're not, they're oily is you look closely
Why do people constantly return to the fridge with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Wishful thinking, maybe they missed something
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
what else are you going to do with the string, eat it? You've loosened it and rather than walk to the bin you just let the vacuum suck it up
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
You're a 'tard... it always works for me
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fittings?
They're not enclosed, there's a hole in the ceiling that they crawl through
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping trolley then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid @~*&?"
It was an accident and we're not all *****
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
I don't, you have coordination issues/are a girl
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
You don't, you aim for an ideal temperature
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
Because mother in laws are so evil they dwarf any issues father in laws cause
Finally....
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're ok, then it's you!
It's not me then 
