Wife constantly passed over for promotion

[Kenai]

She has done this twice now, the area manager did say this time that next time she'll definitely get it, but then no doubt this would change the next time it comes up.

If the area manager genuinely thought she should have the job or wanted her in the job, she would have the job. They're just dangling a carrot and feeding her nonsense to stop her deciding to look elsewhere.

She's not getting anywhere in that business any time soon imo, if they've not been interested after nearly a decade, they're not interested, she'd be better off looking for management roles at competitors.

 

[Megahurtz400]

As someone who works in the motor trade, working with a lot of motor factors (selling my product into them), welcome to the misogynistic, antiquated industry that is the motor trade.

I've seen this a lot, super star sales people who are women but never end up making it into higher positions because it's a boys club. Not right but it's just the way it is and will probably be a generation or two before it's really any better, hopefully.

My advice would to be get out of the motor trade, it's full of absolute lemons who think they're **** of the walk and the best thing since sliced bread.

The skills she's developed sounds like she could work in any company in a customer facing sales role, maybe something that she's passionate about if it isn't cars!

If she wants to stay in the motor trade, then if she's currently in a big national motor factor, then start getting in contact with the smaller independents. They usually care a bit more about their staff, although this does come with a smaller company mentality = more responsibilities, but it sounds like she's not shy of putting in the effort to get the results!

That and they'll have cleaner toilets than the motor trade, ask her about the worst toilets she's been to in a garage/bodyshop and i'm sure she'll have some horror stories

 

[Mercenary Keyboard Warrior]

My advice would be ask to have a meeting with the area manager
Say she wants to progress within the business, can they please agree a development plan for anything they deem she is lacking in experience.
Be that shadowing another manager (not the local one) occasionally, say one day a fortnight, or something more formal learning based
IE she needs to get them to say what they think she is missing to be able to be promoted to the role of manager and/or assistant manager.

Any decent employer should look on this as a positive, they have an employee actively asking not simply for promotion but what they need to ensure they develop to be able to be promoted.

Any business who doesn't react to that isn't a business worth working for.

 

[MissChief]

The next time she's asked to train someone who's been brought in over her make sure she absolutely declines to do so as she 'is not a trainer and clearly isn't in a position to train a direct superior when she has been told she doesn't have the required level of experience to get the job.' She's being 'used' because it seems she doesn't kick up a fuss. As people have said above, there are other motor factors. Are there any local suppliers or local customers she deals with regularly that have vacancies? I'd imagine she'd kick ass at running a dealers parts and service department for example, or working in sales for a supplier. She has experience with parts and sales.

 

[sidimmu]

Very simply, put her notice in to leave.
If they ask why, tell her to unload everything.

If they counter offer - they respect her and do not want her to leave
If they dont - they never had any plans for her and she should have triggered this event years ago.

Either way, she should still probably leave them for something new, as it will only be a matter of time before it all happens again. The same complaints will still ring, so a fresh start somewhere new might be better.

 

[sx_turbo]

The next time she's asked to train someone who's been brought in over her make sure she absolutely declines to do so as she 'is not a trainer and clearly isn't in a position to train a direct superior when she has been told she doesn't have the required level of experience to get the job.' She's being 'used' because it seems she doesn't kick up a fuss. As people have said above, there are other motor factors. Are there any local suppliers or local customers she deals with regularly that have vacancies? I'd imagine she'd kick ass at running a dealers parts and service department for example, or working in sales for a supplier. She has experience with parts and sales.

Yeah I've said all this, she got a job at a mercedes truck dealer with decent hours and pay and then chickened out at the last minute.

The same job is being advertised again so I've said it might be worth trying again.... She's still unsure, in the mean time she still complains about her current situation,

 

[Em3bbs]

Often it's good to leave where you are in order to climb up the ladder - as you've seen with the people that her company have been employing for manager roles externally with less experience than your wife. It sounds like she could walk into a role somewhere else, and retail management jobs aren't exactly hard to come by, even if she wants to stick to working in Auto Factors and not go somewhere similar like Screwfix, Tradepoint etc.

 

[sx_turbo]

Very simply, put her notice in to leave.
If they ask why, tell her to unload everything.

If they counter offer - they respect her and do not want her to leave
If they dont - they never had any plans for her and she should have triggered this event years ago.

Either way, she should still probably leave them for something new, as it will only be a matter of time before it all happens again. The same complaints will still ring, so a fresh start somewhere new might be better.

Everything that's been said on this thread so far I've already said, least it's a sanity check for me that I'm saying the right things

She just doesn't seem to be able to make the jump she needs to make, she wants to, but can't quite get herself over the line.

 

[Meddling-Monk]

Everything that's been said on this thread so far I've already said, least it's a sanity check for me that I'm saying the right things

She just doesn't seem to be able to make the jump she needs to make, she wants to, but can't quite get herself over the line.

Give it time, that's all you can do. Ball, her court now.

 

[Foghorn Leghorn]

It gets tiring hearing the same complaints over again every day. At the end of the day she's the only one that can make any changes, it's to the point where she doesn't want to get up in the mornings and fears/dreads going into work, and it's taking a toll on other parts of our life, and there is a lot of frustration aimed at me as the punch bag so to speak, I also get told regularly that I should earn more so she doesn't have to work, and I'm not on a terrible wage (at least wasnt before COVID and inflation) but not quite enough for her to give up work and have all the other nicitiees in life, wed have to cut back on a lot( which she isnt willing to) She wants a different job but at the same time won't do anything about it and does reverse man maths as to why she shouldn't apply for a role elsewhere.

I guess I'm as frustrated with it as she is, my 7 year old rolls his eyes at the dinner table and says to her to leave lol

Even her therapist she sees every 2 weeks says she needs to leave for her own sanity

Ok, that puts a different slant on it and is most definitely not ok.
A serious talk is on the cards if you haven't already, away from the kids, when she's calm. It's not acceptable to push the blame on you and she needs to stop that so that's where I'd focus. You're probably wasting your time discussing quitting her job as she knows that's what she needs to do.

If she starts blaming you again I'd just cut the conversation off there, tell her why then take myself out for a walk or the kids to the park for an hour whilst she cools off.

 

[The_Arbiter]

Yeah I've said all this, she got a job at a mercedes truck dealer with decent hours and pay and then chickened out at the last minute.

The same job is being advertised again so I've said it might be worth trying again.... She's still unsure, in the mean time she still complains about her current situation,

If we're reading the situation correctly, as the post above mentions you need to have a proper talk, not a dinner time chat.

 

[radderfire]

That’s really bad advice imo. You owe a company nothing. If someone is unappreciated at work especially if they’re good at their job then move on

What I meant by "she should not just quit", is that first she should be satisfied that she has made it very clear to the company that she feels she is not being given fair recognition and feels this should be addressed. It sounds from the OP that she might have done this already, but it must be made clear. Once this has been done, if nothing happens, she can then reconsider her position. I am not necessarily saying she should put up with the situation forever. However, if you are comfortable in a role and good at it, then it should not be given up lightly.

 

[HangTime]

These two things, at the absolute minimum, require consideration.

More broadly, I do feel you, this does sound like a not great thing to have to deal with. Tread lightly would be my trite advice.

Yeah that's what I thought, seems a bit of a stretch to be talking about court cases when her most recent application wasn't even submitted by her. Plus why put yourself through all that stress.

Look, to me it's quite simple for whatever reason this company doesn't value her and/or doesn't see her in a management role. Just move on, if she's chickening out get her to ask herself how could it be any worse than this current situation where your work isn't recognised, you work with bullies, it's impacting home life, you are doing other people's jobs for them etc etc.

 

[MichaelAwkward]

Sounds like she’s her own worst enemy and allowed this situation to gradually come about by being too accommodating/loyal when in reality she’s just been taken advantage of. Some people stay in these situations their entire working lives because they don’t like change/have low self-esteem/etc. You can’t force someone to help themselves.