Working closely with a colleague you don't get on with

redrabbit29

redrabbit29

redrabbit29

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In my office there are only a limited number of people, probably around 4-5. There's one particular girl who I just can't click with and just don't get along with at all. Annoyingly, I seem to be the only one with this issue (not that I've asked... obviously!).

I can't really pinpoint what she's said or done. It's one of those things, where if you asked "why don't you get on with her"... my answer would be "I just don't". It's not often this happens, I'm usually able to get along with absolutely everyone I meet, so it's unusual.

The only thing I can pinpoint is a few times she has sarcastically replied to a question I've asked.

I guess this is my issue, but just wanted to vent. Anyone else ever had a similar situation? It's difficult as often we need to work together on something that can last several months, or we are away on a training course, or similar. With a small team it means it's inevitable that we will work closely with one another.
 
redrabbit29 said:
In my office there are only a limited number of people, probably around 4-5. There's one particular girl who I just can't click with and just don't get along with at all. Annoyingly, I seem to be the only one with this issue (not that I've asked... obviously!).

I can't really pinpoint what she's said or done. It's one of those things, where if you asked "why don't you get on with her"... my answer would be "I just don't". It's not often this happens, I'm usually able to get along with absolutely everyone I meet, so it's unusual.

The only thing I can pinpoint is a few times she has sarcastically replied to a question I've asked.

I guess this is my issue, but just wanted to vent. Anyone else ever had a similar situation? It's difficult as often we need to work together on something that can last several months, or we are away on a training course, or similar. With a small team it means it's inevitable that we will work closely with one another.
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So is she polite and civil with you, other than what you perceive as occasionally being given sarcy replies? If she's done nothing else then maybe you need to man up a little and make more of an effort with her. Many people are sometimes a bit sarcy by nature, me included, and walling them off because your pride took a momentary dent solves nothing.
 
Richdog said:
So is she polite and civil with you, other than what you perceive as occasionally being given sarcy replies? If she's done nothing else then maybe you need to man up a little and make more of an effort with her. Many people are sometimes a bit sarcy by nature, me included, and walling them off because your pride took a momentary dent solves nothing.
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This. I've dealt with far worse.
 
Doogles said:
Does she have a husband/boyfriend? You know what to do.
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Haha - I will keep that as Plan B


Richdog said:
So is she polite and civil with you, other than what you perceive as occasionally being given sarcy replies? If she's done nothing else then maybe you need to man up a little and make more of an effort with her. Many people are sometimes a bit sarcy by nature, me included, and walling them off because your pride took a momentary dent solves nothing.
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Yea good point... I was just putting it out there as we all are different by nature, and get on with each other to varying degrees. I am making an effort, and like I said, I rarely don't get on with someone. I know it's me that has the issue, so I will try to "man up" as you put it


Cosimo said:
Head down and get on with it.
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Good suggestion


helpimcrap said:
This. I've dealt with far worse.
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Yea as have I... the only thing different in this situation is it's a much smaller team, and the type of work means we all work the exact same hours, in a small space and rarely have reason to go out. In the past it's a job where I've been out and about more often, or have worked different hours.
 
you go to work to make money not friends. Providing you and her can act and work together professionally it makes no difference if you despise each other or not. This of course only holds true if you can remain professional. If you can't then you need to re-evaluate you work ethics.
 
wildman said:
you go to work to make money not friends. Providing you and her can act and work together professionally it makes no difference if you despise each other or not. This of course only holds true if you can remain professional. If you can't then you need to re-evaluate you work ethics.
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This. You're not in the playground anymore.
 
There are some people in this world that you simply will not gel with.
In my workplace over the past 15 years, I'd say there have been more than 100 staff perhaps a fair bit more than that, and around 4 maybe 5, I just didn't gel with. It isn't an issue as far as work, just didn't feel natural talking or chatting to that person, didn't share beliefs, didn't share attitude, no idea exactly what it was. I just didn't gel.
I'd say there was only 1 I didn't actually like though. Which is a different matter.

Head down, get on with it, one or other of you will eventually move along.
 
Give them a week trying to get to know them properly.
Then get on with it regardless.

I had to work 12h a day for 12 weeks with an Egyptian guy that basically thought i was an infidel and a waste of air. We spoke about 6 times a day. It was pretty mind numbing.
 
just keep it professional, talk about the work, only the work, and nothing but the work.

there are far worse out there, some folks you do wonder the way they get on how on earth they're meant to hold down a job.

and as others have said, it might just be her way, you can't tell and there's no point worrying about it. its only if it gets to being insulting or downright bullying that you should actually do anything.
 
Also, if it's just the odd comment that gets your back up, maybe she was having a bad day or had something in her mind, we can all be a bit off now and then.
Maybe organise a works curry night with a few drinks or something might help find some common ground.
 
Could it be that, on a subconscious level, you're actually infatuated with her? If so you need to start the charm offensive, my suggestions:

1. Start sending her anonymous love letters detailing the fact that one day you will be together and that you will be working towards this goal. Consider catchy phrases such as "I'm going to get you" or "I'm coming for you".

2. Try to spend more time with her outside of work, perhaps walk her home of an evening, but obviously you don't want to come on too strong at this stage so escort her from a safe distance, and protect your identity by wearing a rain mac and hat, and ducking into alleys every time she looks behind her.

This should be a good start.
 
Be a grown-up. We all have to rub along with people we don't get on with, in all walks of life. Family, colleagues, associates, that one in your group of friends who's a bit of a prat. You don't have to be friends but you can make the effort to not be unfriendly. We've all got to play the game.

Be professional and find ways to make it work.
 
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