Worst date ever - the thread you really wanted

I was on a date when within 30 minutes she told me she was badly allergic to latex, she really stressed the point too. I dared to joke about bareback which didn't go well...

Ironically that same date went badly in a different way, I'd been to the same restaurant the week before with a female friend, who didn't like hot curries. The lads behind the bar thought they were dead helpful when they brought a bowl of mango chutney and said "we remember your girlfriend hates hot curries", queue awkward questions - all in all a pretty poor start to the date :D

We didn't see each other again..
 
I was 18, in a club for a friends birthday. Incredibly drunk when I noticed my mates girlfriends friend looking at me. If I could rate her it would be 2/10, she was rather "big".

Ensue the dancing and making out.

At the end of the night I said to her I was going home. I was completely uninterested in taking her back to mine. For some reason when she asked to come home with me I said yes.

So back at mine, I get undressed into my boxers and pass out. All I wanted to do was sleep. Honestly. But hey. She kept kissing me when I tried to close my eyes. After about 30 minutes of this I got restless and just said "fine".

But considering the alchohol and the largeness I just couldn't perform. If you get my drift.

This gets to the point when I just give up and find other ways to please her. I do this and go to bed. Ashamed.

When we wake up I find out she has added her number into my phone and asked me whether I wanted to have sex again. I said no. I then make an excuse that i'm seeing relatives that day and that I will be getting on a Bus. She said she has to get one too. I'm thinking "Christ save me".

Cue the most awkward bus journey ever. Like not saying anything. Absolute silence.

She gets off the bus and kisses me, I kiss back, then that day I received so many texts about meeting up for dinner and such. I didn't have the heart to say no so I didn't say anything at all.

Well its not as good as others but hey.
 
Walking down the street one day this stunning girl comes up to me. She's lost, has no idea where she is and is desperate to get to her lecture. She explains where she's meant to be, something like the 'Diabetics' Library'.

Hot and a trainee doctor methinks and I whip out the phone to discover the place she's looking for is literally around the corner. I direct her and she's super grateful and suggests that I come with and join her for a coffee. Thinking this is going great I follow, round the corner see it: The Dianetics & Scientology Life Improvement Centre.

I faked a phone call and ran :(
 
Back when I was 18 some friends joined, Faceparty to check out fit girls and got me to join up too. It was a fun 2 evenings of "corrr I'd have a go on that!", but for me it got real when I got a message from a girl who was also local. We sent texts back and forth during the day and talked through, Faceparty during the evening. Texting costs money back in those days.

We got on great and I couldn't believe my luck that I was picked up, normally you'd think it's men doing the picking. I think after about a week we decided to meet and I was so excited because although the website is called, Faceparty she hadn't posted a pic, but during our chats she had described herself and I built up a mental image of this sexy lady whose skin was like, Jennifer Lopez, which is how she described it. So we decided to meet on a, Saturday evening at the local precinct and basically go to her place for a night of shaggin' because her parents wouldn't be home.

Saturday comes and I'm already at the meeting place and I get a text "Are you there yet?" to which I reply "Yeah I'm here, where are you?" she replies "Be there in a second". Here we go I thought as I'm looking around to see where, Jennifer Lopez is, nothing to the right, lets look left and nothing, and then suddenly on my right flank where I was looking just 5 seconds ago, "Hey, how are you?" so I turn to greet her, a white woman, a very white woman who in no way could be mistaken for, Jennifer Lopez.

Straight away I was not attracted, it's like when, David Brent met his blind date with her white chiffon scarf. I was disappointed and then she said she had some bad news, her parents were home, immediately my mood lightened that I wouldn't have to find an excuse out of doing the business with her. So I formulated a plan and bought the local paper, we are going to the cinema but what shall we see.. "I Spy?" she says, no.. how about "Catch Me If You Can?" I say, and we were off to the cinema.. by bus, for 20 minutes, in silence as I reread the paper for a 3rd time still sour about, Jennifer Lopez not turning up. So we're at the cinema watching Catch Me If You Can, or trying to because I didn't have my glasses, this was suppose to be an evening of shaggin. I was then further distracted as she started getting cosy and rubbing my leg which I pretended to not notice. The film is over and we head back to the precinct where we met up and started chatting while waiting for our next busses home, thankfully mine came first and I was out of there, I debated in my head for a few seconds on whether I should at least kiss her goodnight but I can only remember just saying bye and leaving.

A complete waste of time, never do a solo blind date. Bloody good film though.
 
Remembered another one I had years back. Met a Spanish girl who was over here and went out for a drink, she was a stunner, lovely to talk to but then I saw her smile. It looked like something from coneheads!

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Nothing happened between us and we remained friends until this day.
 
Got one for Ya.
Not necessarily a Bad date but I s'pose it depends on how you look at it. :o

Knew this Maori doris (over here on a 12 month visa) when I was young but hadn't seen her for a fair while when I bumped into her one day walking through Kensington market, We ended up in the pub & I thought **** it why not as she weren't a bad looking sort a bit Pocahontas if you get me so I said You fancy come back to mine then ? She looked at me & in her broad Kiwi accent says to me (Now make sure you say this in your Best Aussie/Kiwi type accent)
Well Malc, I'm on the Rag but I take it up the ******* (rhymes with fitter) :eek: + :p + :cool: = :p:p:p


What you really need to do is read the post through & get a jist of it then say the speech out loud using the appropriate accents for Full effect. :p

Me - You coming back to mine then ?
Doris - Well Malc, I'm on the Rag but I take it up the *******. :p

I can't hear a Doris talk with that accent without thinking of the incident right up to this day. :D
 
Damn steedie, if that ain't man of honour material I don't know what it is (I've probably read/laughed at then before too!)
 
Iv got one which was very weird indeed and I'm a little unsure if I'll ever eat in said place again because of it.

I went to a restaurant to meet a girl I had met previously for a date and this was our second date. I was waiting about 40 min until I got the stood up text during this time a waitress kept asking if I wanted more drinks etc being nice. She then eventually asked why I hadn't ordered and explaining I may of been stood up she took her break and came and had dinner with me in some kinda weird I feel sorry for you date situation.

Thought okay she's kinda cute this may work out.. How wrong was I was about to become apparent

Starts off talking about ourselves then she gets onto the subject of how many kids she wants (red flag) she then goes onto suggesting we meet up again later in a local bar when she finishes and see what happens, makes one mention that she's just come off the pill so I'd have to suit up... She gave me her number and I said I'd text her a time.. The whole time I was working out how to bail and pay my bill despite the person I'd probably have to pay being sat opposite me. In the end I just finished my dinner and got a friend to phone me with an "emergency" I bailed and paid for dinner (including hers being a true gent oddly)

I couldn't bring myself to meet her again or even send a text (didn't want abuse by text) despite being nice looking I suspect she would pin ***** a rubber just to trap me. Seemed like she may of had a screw loose
 
^^ I don't get why that's odd. She said she's off the pill and you'd need to suit up. Seems reasonable.
 
I wouldn't be interested in doing anything with someone who so readily suggests sex with someone she has only just met. You'll probably catch something... :p Or you might develop feelings for her and then be stuck in a relationship with a hoe. :p
 
Acme said:
I wouldn't be interested in doing anything with someone who so readily suggests sex with someone she has only just met. You'll probably catch something... :p Or you might develop feelings for her and then be stuck in a relationship with a hoe. :p
Click to expand...

Guys do it, why can't women? At last she was being safe about it, not like the trolls in magaluf n whatnot riding bareback dudes conveyer belt stylee :p
 
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