Would you live next door to your parents/in-laws?

NotAGolf

NotAGolf

NotAGolf

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Moving...
We've been house hunting for a couple of years now. The area we're willing to move to is very small, and we've got quite a long list of criteria that the house has to meet. As a result, we've not seen anything that ticks our boxes in a few years.

We've recently accepted an offer on our house, and a house has come up for sale that we like the look of. It's like the stars have aligned, but the only snag is it's next door to my in-laws. It's detached, but, it's literally next door.

Our initial reaction was no; being next door is just a bit weird. But are we overthinking it? We get on well, and already live close (10 min walk).

Pros:
- The house is pretty perfect and we're unlikely to find anything better.
- Childcare on tap
- We know we won't have nightmare neighbours (on one side at least)

Cons:
- Lack of privacy
- Could being next door degrade our relationship?
 
That's a tough one for me... If you get on well then could be really nice & sociable, and would be a huge advantage for stuff like childcare as you say, and if your kid gets on with them, would be really nice for them just to be able to just pop round whenever they want / need keeping an eye on briefly (assuming your in-laws would actually be happy with that!). In hindsight I wish I'd seen much more of my grandparents when I was growing up, but didn't because they lived ages away.

However I'd say if they are at all controlling / judgemental then could lead to friction pretty quickly, so I'd want to be sure they were pretty easy going types.

Also, in some ways none of their business, but in other ways quite understandable - if your parents are still around is there a chance of them feeling jealous or left out? I think I'd make an effort to be really open with them if you do go ahead.
 
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My first reaction is "depends how loud your wife is".
But thinking about it, it might be more "depends how loud your mother in law is".

You'd have to like them a lot to want to live that close. IMO it's too close even if you like them. They'll probably be too involved in your life.
Or if they're older, it might be good to be near them to care for them, and inheriting the house next door might be convenient if you want to rent it out.
 
Need to look at it from the other side too, how would they feel about you moving directly next door for their own privacy and convenience. Would they feel they are being used for childcare on tap if they have their own activities and commitments? Would they want to pop over if they're bored but it's inconvenient for you? Some early habits might be fine at first but it's staying open and honest with each other long term which will be the challenge.
 
Nope, the house I bought was once owned by the elderly neighbours son and his wife, turns out it ruined their relationship and they moved to Leeds some 70 miles away and so much in the 18 years they were alive I only saw their son 4 times and 2 of the times were the old man and the old ladies funerals.

Both me and the missus have said there's no chance (my parents are dead now but hers are still kicking about) as there is such a thing as too close.
 
i thinkt here are 2 key questions.
i think you already anwsered 1 in the initial post.

1) How do you personally feel about the inlaws?
2) what does your partner feel about the parents, good relationship medioer of bad.

if it a strained relationship when you see them i.e. your waiting to leave.

i think its healthy to have some space tbh and next door is to close.
you both said no initally sort of says it all to me.

do you think the inlaws might move away.

do you both want kids? or have kids.

it does depend on the type of inlaws. some people are very hands off tbh and now the boundaries even if they want to interfear.

how old are the inlaws? i.e. care support and passing on


throwaway4372 said:
You'd have to like them a lot to want to live that close. IMO it's too close even if you like them. They'll probably be too involved in your life.
Or if they're older, it might be good to be near them to care for them, and inheriting the house next door might be convenient if you want to rent it out.
Click to expand...
this tbh


you could buy it and rent it out, as an investment as a thought.
 
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My sister and brother in law live on the same street, almost door to door as his mother and father, brother, and sister (all have their own home). Nobody has any privacy, they constantly wander in and out of each others houses without knocking. A few of their kids have ended up with mental health problems due to it (according to them) as it turned into a sort of weird communal living scenario where they had no privacy. It's my idea of hell personally.

Your situation might not be as extreme, but I'd very much expect heavily diminished privacy and the potential for your in laws to believe they have free access to your house on a whim. Unless you don't mind that, or have a healthy enough relationship to set boundaries without it causing issues I'd say don't do it. There's a big difference between getting on with someone and essentially living with them.
 
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My sister currently lives next door to our parents after a sour divorce coinciding with an opportunity to get the house on auction cheap.

With her having kids, it’s been a help as she’s been able to get back to uni to finish training as a nurse and I feel over time she’ll move away.

I on the other hand live over an hour away - balance and all lol
 
I live next door to my mother and step father (mainly because I've always said I'd do anything I can to look after them now they're closing in on thier 80's).
I lost my father when I was in my 20's and wish I'd had more time with him, and this way I've only got to walk a few feet to see them.
There were rules set down at day one, and tbh it works out absolutely brilliantly.
Sometimes I'll see them a couple of times a week, sometime not for weeks on end as they're always off on holiday.
I also get a free gardener whilst I'm at work :)
 
Immediate thought is easy childcare, for someone who has none that would be an absolute godsend. I guess it all just comes down to your relationship with them?
 
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