fridays joke!

[Aloreth]

made me chuckle, still think my elephant joke wins the thread

 

[Kell_ee001]

Booooooooo!!

 

[Lysander]

Not really a joke - but then that's no change from 90% of this thread...

Someone spent a lot of time writing that rubbish. How sad.

 

[gillywibble]

two sausages in a fryin pan

one screams 'aaaghh its hot in here'

the other screams

'aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggghhh a talking sausage!!!'

 

[The Dread Pirate]

 

[Kyle009]

elephant joke is excellent!

 

[Sudden]

Time to save the thread! (maybe)

Things You Don't Want To Hear During Surgery

1. Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

2. Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop.

3. Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness

4. Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!

5. Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

6. Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie.

7. Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.

8. Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?

9. Damn, there go the lights again....

10. Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two of
them.

11. What do you mean you want a divorce?

 

[PixelChef]

Time to save the thread! (maybe)

Things You Don't Want To Hear During Surgery

1. Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

2. Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop.

3. Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness

4. Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!

5. Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

6. Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie.

7. Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.

8. Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?

9. Damn, there go the lights again....

10. Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two of
them.

11. What do you mean you want a divorce?

x_X

 

[misterPK]

I'd probably be a bit worried if I heard anything during surgery, and have to politely ask for some more anaesthetic.

PK!

 

[The Badger]

what do you call stolen cheese?
nacho cheese

As in "Not your" Not your cheese

 

[InvaderGIR]

I'd probably be a bit worried if I heard anything during surgery, and have to politely ask for some more anaesthetic.

PK!

The surgery post was rather pants, but that made it better.

InvG

 

[Cr0fty]

I think they do work, you just have to be the sort of person who finds them amusing in a strange sort of way

How about this one, a bit less intellectual:




A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife:

Dear Wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs that you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife and sincerely hope that you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. Your Husband

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:

Dear Husband, You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Since you are the mathematician, you will appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, don't wait up.

hah i quite like that one

 

[SideWinder]

e^x and a constant were walking down a road when they come to a bridge. They start to cross and suddenly a differential operator jumps up and starts to laugh like a madman and threatens to differentiate them both if they go any further.

The constant, feeling brave decides to take him on and starts to cross the bridge. Sure enough, he gets differentiated and disappears into nothing!

e^x feeling cocky starts to cross and says to the differential operator: "Don't even bother! You can't touch me - I'm e^x"

"Oh yeah?" replied the differential operator, " Pleased to meet you, I'm d/dy" ...

Can you explain it for me so i can tell my friends and pretend i'm smart?

 

[helpimcrap]

Can you explain it for me so i can tell my friends and pretend i'm smart?

and me... lol

 

[touch]

Can you explain it for me so i can tell my friends and pretend i'm smart?

Normally you would differentiate for d/dx which has no effect on e^x. The twist at the end of the joke that creates endless hilarity is that the differential operator is d/dy




(I Think?)

 

[Beerbaron]

I received this text from someone the other day:

I recently purchased a teddy bear for £10. I named him mohamed, then i sold him for £20 on ebay. My question is did i make a prophet?

 

[Cupra]

as good as sidewinders joke was, it was a hard task to save this thread

however he just managed it

 

[Ben M]

two sausages in a fryin pan

one screams 'aaaghh its hot in here'

the other screams

'aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggghhh a talking sausage!!!'

that's older than i am.

 

[div0]

Normally you would differentiate for d/dx which has no effect on e^x. The twist at the end of the joke that creates endless hilarity is that the differential operator is d/dy (and so differentiating e^x with respect to 'y' means e^x is basically treated like any other 'constant' and differentiates to nothing)

LOL yeah that's right. Normally explaining jokes really kills them, but this one failed on its own

 

[pitchfork]

I don't get it.

As in "snatch"? I snatched the cheese

Enter failboar.
Not your cheese, man you failed so hard love you really

What do you do if your wife is screaming and bleeding on your kitchen floor? Relight the fire.

Whats more fun than spinning a baby on a washing line? Stopping it with a cricket bat,