new years joke

tomanders91

tomanders91

tomanders91

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Joined
26 Nov 2006
Posts
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Location
guildford, surrey
Last Night I walked into a public toilet where I found two cubicles, of which one was already occupied. So I entered the other one, closed the door, dropped my trousers and sat down.

A voice came from the cubicle next to me: "Hello mate, how are you doing?"

I thought it a bit strange but not wanting to be rude I replied "Yeah, not too bad thanks."

After a short pause, I heard the voice again "So, what are you up to mate?"

Again I answered, somewhat reluctantly it must be said. Unsure what to say, I replied "Umm, just having a quick poo.. How about yourself?"

I then heard the voice for the third time ....

"Sorry mate, I'll have to call you back. I've got some **** in the loo next to me answering everything I say."
 
a bloke goes into a cafe and asks for a cup of tea and a slice of gatox.the waiter thinks what the hell is gatox and asks the manager who replies he must be a bit dim he must mean the chocolate cake.give him a peice and charge him a tenner.so the waiter goes over and says heres your gatox that will be ten pound.the bloke says ten pound for a piece of gatox bolleau.
 
stukacat said:
a bloke goes into a cafe and asks for a cup of tea and a slice of gatox.the waiter thinks what the hell is gatox and asks the manager who replies he must be a bit dim he must mean the chocolate cake.give him a peice and charge him a tenner.so the waiter goes over and says heres your gatox that will be ten pound.the bloke says ten pound for a piece of gatox bolleau.
Click to expand...

if someone hadn't already mentioned a dislike of FAIL pics then i would insert one here.
 
A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture.

Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class. One little boy raises his hand, "I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs.""Very good, William," cooed the teacher. "My mommy had a baby," said little Esther. "Oh, that's nice," replied the teacher. Finally, little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation the teacher calls on him. "I was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians.

And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns." The teacher was relieved but puzzled, "And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?" "It'll teach those Indians not to No Swearing! with the Lone Ranger."
 
stukacat said:
a bloke goes into a cafe and asks for a cup of tea and a slice of gatox.the waiter thinks what the hell is gatox and asks the manager who replies he must be a bit dim he must mean the chocolate cake.give him a peice and charge him a tenner.so the waiter goes over and says heres your gatox that will be ten pound.the bloke says ten pound for a piece of gatox bolleau.
Click to expand...
Well done, thats the first joke that I've read and actually chuckled at for a long time :D
 
stukacat said:
a bloke goes into a cafe and asks for a cup of tea and a slice of gatox.the waiter thinks what the hell is gatox and asks the manager who replies he must be a bit dim he must mean the chocolate cake.give him a peice and charge him a tenner.so the waiter goes over and says heres your gatox that will be ten pound.the bloke says ten pound for a piece of gatox bolleau.
Click to expand...
Haha, thats awesome :D
 
CyZMyAssBaby said:
A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture.

Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class. One little boy raises his hand, "I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs.""Very good, William," cooed the teacher. "My mommy had a baby," said little Esther. "Oh, that's nice," replied the teacher. Finally, little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation the teacher calls on him. "I was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians.

And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns." The teacher was relieved but puzzled, "And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?" "It'll teach those Indians not to No Quoting Swearing! with the Lone Ranger."
Click to expand...

By far the worst joke I've ever heard. :[
 
:eek:I can't remember it, but the joke where the lone ranger is ambushed is the ONLY joke i've read on here and laughed at.

Anyone have any good jokes ? Im stuck at work until 11pm :/ Not doing much, but still...
 
A man was walking through a forest.

He came to a clearing and there was a beautiful girl standing there in the nude.

He said 'are you game?!'

She said 'yes'.

So he shot her.
 
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