Please tell me im being stupid

I wish you were nearer so I could come and give you a hug, im not saying that in a rude way, I just think you could do with someone not so close to the situation just to give you a hug.
 
The main problem for me is lonliness, i kinda handled it before by being in the "Well shes just at her mums for a few days" mindset. But since shes took her stuff and im left with empty wardrobes i cant think like that anymore.

If i had someone here then id be fine. My mate down the road has been amazing you know. Shes a single mum of 4 and shes brill but i worry that im outstaying my welcome there. She says im welcome anytime, and ive been there pretty much everyday, she feeds me too but i just dont want to impose. I said this and she just said dont worry, but you know how people say "anytime" then think "not again" when the doorbell goes, well i dont want to get into that.
 
romperstomper said:
you sound a bit desperate and needy mate ,ok you can't help this but its not an attractive attribute to a women . Your insecurity's may well be the doom of you relationship !
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I have to agree with this... the very fact she cheated means she already wasn't satisfied with the relationship, and once a cheater always a cheater imo. Calling her asking if she's coming back so often, while obviously a huge concern for Meatloaf, won't be doing him any favours in her eyes.

I know she's the mother of his children and everything, but she sounds like a cow, and the signs really don't look good. You telling her you've been diagnosed with something nasty will only add further pressure and negativity to her view of your relationship.

EDIT - I really should read the entire thread... sorry to see you've split up Meatloaf, but these things happen for a reason. It's time to rebuild your life and get that confidence and self-esteem back up. Also make sure you get full access to the kids, and don't give in to ANY unreasonable demands from her... especially if she tries to use the sprogs as leverage. Don't let any tug on the heartstrings influence any financial decision you make, because she will likely try and screw you for every penny she can, in any way she can.

Also don't go sleeping with as many women as possible in some vain attempt to make yourself think you're back in the swing of things, it will only make you more depressed. Take enough time to get over this (or at least accept it) without the aid of women and alcohol, and then start living it up when you're ready. And for heavens sake DON'T keep ringing her "just to hear her voice" or fool yourself into thinking you can make your relationship work again... that will end in disaster, and make you more miserable than you ever thought possible. There is no hope of you ever having a loving relationship again. Ever. Start thinking of her more coldly, and concentrate on the kids
 
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MeatLoaf said:
The main problem for me is lonliness, i kinda handled it before by being in the "Well shes just at her mums for a few days" mindset. But since shes took her stuff and im left with empty wardrobes i cant think like that anymore.

If i had someone here then id be fine. My mate down the road has been amazing you know. Shes a single mum of 4 and shes brill but i worry that im outstaying my welcome there. She says im welcome anytime, and ive been there pretty much everyday, she feeds me too but i just dont want to impose. I said this and she just said dont worry, but you know how people say "anytime" then think "not again" when the doorbell goes, well i dont want to get into that.
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Meatloaf, teeny piece of advise for you, dont lean on her too much, the state of mind you're in you might end up in a bit more of a mess if you get my drift.

You need to learn to stand on your own two feet, and yes the loneliness is the worst bit (hardest thing I found when I kicked my cheating ex out) but it does get better I promise. Thats why I said about going to get the kids, at least the house would be busy that way.
 
Evangelion said:
Hang onto that tenancy agreement! :eek:
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Yeah she refused that idea, it was a suggestion tho to keep the kids close by and to try and keeo them at the same school.

If id moved id only have been 5 mins away at most.

Knip, dont worry wouldnt lean on her in that way at all mate. Its purely friendship. I can safely say the chances of things happening there are zero. Shes not the sort of person id go for at all.

EDIT : Back to work tomorrow although its a few hours its time away from home.
 
Tefal said:
On a very insensitive upside, at least you weren't being stupid after all :)
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LOL well yeah there is that :p

Its only 11.20 and so far shes rung twice, once to let my kids talk to me which was nice, and this last time just to ask what time i got in last night and where id been. Then asked what my plans for today were. :eek:

I mean just what is got to do with her now i dont know but hey, maybe its doing her head in not knowing where i am and who im with. Shame isnt it :p
 
MeatLoaf said:
Its only 11.20 and so far shes rung twice, once to let my kids talk to me which was nice, and this last time just to ask what time i got in last night and where id been. Then asked what my plans for today were. :eek:

I mean just what is got to do with her now i dont know but hey, maybe its doing her head in not knowing where i am and who im with. Shame isnt it :p
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I hope you told her it was none of her business as shes the one whos left you.
I dont mean be nasty about it, but she cant have it both ways.
Make sure you tell her that your missing the kids like hell, but have been out having lots of fun (as in you havent been at home moping)
 
Meatloaf it sounds like you have had a bit of a rocky ride, and are now facing the realities of the situation.

Firstly, congratulations on having enough sense to feel something was wrong and persuing it the way you have. A damn difficult time I am sure but the fact remains that your standing on your own two feet & are getting on with your life, executing a good set of plans (jobs, seeing mates etc) and you have your kids at the top of your priorities list - just like it should be! :)

This time is bound to be lonely and difficult but from the way you have been speaking on here & the things you are talking about make me know that you will be fine in the long run.

Onwards & upwards bud :)

As for her asking your whereabouts / plans - it is no longer her business!! As knip rightly said, she can't have it both ways and she certainly doesn't need to know anything!

Here's sending you an e-cider from the South West :) *clink*
 
Wow man - I just read this whole thread and I'm really sorry mate. I don't really know what to say...good luck fella, and I hope you get permanent custody of your kids.
 
good on you mate! read the whole thread too lol well make out ya moving on and not mopping around and when she knows youve moved on and shes lost u she will ask for u to give it another try lol thats when ya say its not gonna happen and put her through the heart ache shes put u through!!! obv always giving all the love and attention to your kids still!
 
Well done MeatLoaf. Staying strong in front of your daughter wouldn't have been easy when the ex got her stuff... but you did! So, that means you CAN do it:

NO you're not being stupid!

Glad to hear you're getting the divorce team in: the solicitor's office would probably have the marriage certificate. Give them a call and go in and meet them.
Then next time Kez phones you asking what you did:

'O hai, I've had a busy day!'
-'O rly?'
"Ya, been to my lawyers and am getting the divorce papers swiftly dispatched. Have a nice day"
*slam phone down*

then /smug.

Good luck with that though, and the sooner you get into the lawyers' the better, as you want (and deserve) custody, FULL PERMANENT custody of your children. the only problem will be the unborn child.
Well done, and all the best,
Voltar
 
Well i think her mind is working overtime really shes rung another twice while i was at my mates where i was having my dinner.

Im going to see the kids tomorrow morning as im on a late tomorrow night. Shes going to see the new school as well and im going with her so at least i go to check out where they will be however much i disagree with it. May as well go along with it until ive seen the solicitor on tuesday.

She also asked if id got a new girlfriend, i mean come on i know im quick but im not flash gordon lol :p

She worried and i think shes shaken by how easily she thinks im taking it. Obviously im still hurt and upset but she dosent need to know that :D
 
MeatLoaf said:
She worried and i think shes shaken by how easily she thinks im taking it. Obviously im still hurt and upset but she dosent need to know that :D
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Good man for not letting her see that.
Just keep doing what your doing, put yourself and the kids first.
Let her see what shes missing and what shes thrown away.
 
dmpoole said:
Would you take her back or do you think you know that it would only happen again?
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Depends, if she was to say she wanted to try again within the next week or two then yes i would try again and put it down to wanting a bit of space.

Any longer than that and no i dont think i would becausew it would mean moving the kids schools again!

I dont think she would do it again but them again i wouldnt be getting her pregnant again, id make sure of it :p

EDIT: Just been aked to go karaoke, so im off out again :)

Hollybush here i come :)
 
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