Please tell me im being stupid

MeatLoaf said:
EDIT : If i was to try and take custody of the kids when she brings them before they start thier new school do you think id have much of a chance? After all they are settled here and in school? Im thier father and have parental rights so if i was to keep them and refuse to let her take them back to stafford would i be kidnapping them or anything illegal?
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I would not think there is anything illegal in this, but it's not going to do the situation any good mate. It will push her further away and if it goes to a custody battle and she wins I would imagine it would reduce the chances you have of her allowing unlimited access to the kids.
 
Right ive had a busy busy day.

Been the jobcentre and filled out a few applications so fingers crossed there, just got to wait till fiday to post them off when i get some cash

Managed to get hold of the Home School Link worker from up the school. We had a good chat on the phone and i told her all about whats happened. Basically there would be nothing illegal in me retaining custody of the kids and not allowing them to return to stafford. She did agree that in the case of the 2 girls that are at school then the best place for them is here as thye have a proper home, beds etc. But the problem is that if they were at school and kerry turned up to take them then the school couldnt legally stop her from doing so unless i had a court order saying that they are in my sole custody.

Shes coming to my home tomorrow so she can see it for herself and to check its suitable and if need be she will assist me all she can. I assume that she will also contact kez and see if she can find out whats wrong with her and why shes done it.
But she did suggest that if shes always down and exhausted ( which she was a lot of the time ) then she could have pre natal depression.

I did ring kez and ask if i could take the kids tonight until friday night as i was going to make things as normal as i could, like sending them to school tomorrow and friday after theyve been the dentist. But she refused :mad:

She said she will talk to me saturday so i'll have to see what the home school worker says tomorrow but hopefully they will be back with me asap

Fingers crossed :)
 
Hi MeatLoaf,

I have nothing more to add really to all the good advice you've already had in this thread, just wanted to say I hope you're alright and things work themselves out as easily as possible. Glad to hear you've had a busy and proactive day, don't dwell on things and get things moving forward like you are :) All the best
 
Cheers iv been out with mates tonight and i have managed to get a little from kerry as to why shes gone. Looks like its partly financial problems, but at least i feel positive, nothing to do with not wanting or loving me. I dont know why she couldnt talk to me, as ive said bills are paid, food is in cupbaords so i dnt know its something i can work on. Just got to work out what the rest of the issue is and deal with it.

But in the meantime i am going to push forward with my attempt to keep the kids lives a similar as possible so eagarly anticipate the visit by the home school worker tomorrow :)
 
im not being horrible, and its good to see that youre starting to make an effort to change the situation, but bills being paid and food in the cupboard, along with small children to cope with, basically scraping by i guess, is not something that makes you look forward to the future, you need to be offering this woman some kind of life worth getting out of bed in the morning for, or at least be seen to be making the effort to provide one, settling for part time hours when there are jobs out there paying more just says that you dont give a damn, that youre happy with the situation and thats good enough. She probably feels like this is her lot, and wants a change.
I know the best things in life are free, but the extras go a long way and can be just as important when youre under a lot of stress or just plain bored.
You dont spend too much time on the internet instead of talking to her do you, just asking, do you go on family holidays and stuff ?
Things usually work out for the best anyway, always harder when children are involved though, best of luck, hope you get back together and dont end up back down the same road in the future
 
That sounds like a horrible situation to be in, but I'm glad to hear that you're being more pro-active and looking for a new job etc. I think that at least part of your problem comes from her getting married and having kids too young - yes, you've been together a very long time, but she has been growing up over that time and people change a lot as they grow up.

If she has changed to a point where she doesn't feel compatible with you, then the best thing for the kids is to split up and get on with your lives independantly. I think most children of divorce say that they would rather their parents were separate and happy than together and fighting all the time. So when you think of the kids, think of the environment they'd be in with either situation.

Good luck with everything, I hope it turns out ok for you :).
 
finga said:
im not being horrible, and its good to see that youre starting to make an effort to change the situation, but bills being paid and food in the cupboard, along with small children to cope with, basically scraping by i guess, is not something that makes you look forward to the future, you need to be offering this woman some kind of life worth getting out of bed in the morning for, or at least be seen to be making the effort to provide one, settling for part time hours when there are jobs out there paying more just says that you dont give a damn, that youre happy with the situation and thats good enough. She probably feels like this is her lot, and wants a change.
I know the best things in life are free, but the extras go a long way and can be just as important when youre under a lot of stress or just plain bored.
You dont spend too much time on the internet instead of talking to her do you, just asking, do you go on family holidays and stuff ?
Things usually work out for the best anyway, always harder when children are involved though, best of luck, hope you get back together and dont end up back down the same road in the future
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Totally see where youre coming from but ive been wanting to get a better job / more hours but she thinks that if i do that she wont qualify for her maternity payment. I thought this too, but ive discovered today that you still qualify if you ger working tax credits, which basically i should do :)

Dont spend a great deal of time on the net and stuff, maybe an hour in the morning, half hour in the day, most of the time is when shes in bed at night

Holidays are a bit of a nightmare and we havent had a proper family one for a good few years
 
I think the first thing to do is sort yourself out with a proper job. A lot of your problems seem to stem from the fact that your life has little structure/ambition.

Aim to get a job that pays a steady and regular income, and that actually has a feesible career progression. Do you really still want to be at the bottom of the rung in 10 years time? And ask yourself, if you were your girlfriend, would you want to be with you (in terms of security)

Can I just ask, how did you manage to afford your computer?
 
jonas123 said:
Can I just ask, how did you manage to afford your computer?
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Had a Q6600 8800GTX system last year when things were more rosy, more hours etc. Also used to DJ 3 nights a week and that brought in another £150 a week which certainly helped things but the pub shut down and that was that :(

As things got tighter things got sold off and the cash went on things kids / kerry needed or wanted.

For expample flogged the Q6600 and got a dirt cheap E2160 and gave kez the difference which she used to treat herself to a new phone and got a few bits for the kids

Flogged the GTX and picked up a cheap 9600, again the spare cash went to kez again.

Its not like i spend huge amounts on the PC, just look at my sig, its all budget stuff :)
 
Fair enough fair enough. Well you seem intelligent enough to get a decent job. Just think long and hard about it now. You're 32 and you haven't really got any work experience in a particular job sector, you may want to think about settling into a full time job and working through the ranks. You need to get motivated to do this, otherwise your life will stay in limbo which just leads to a viscious downward spiral.

It also sounds like a lot of your problems (including relational) stem from the fact that a) you don't have enough money and b) you have no plan for the future.

You should think ahead a bit and see where you want to be in one year, and work towards that. It's no good living for now, scraping together money and having to go through it all again the next week.

And once you've forted yourself out financially, that's one huge burden off your mind, you'll feel better about yourself, and you can concentrate on other aspects of your life.

Best of luck with the job hunt and keep us posted
 
Well ive met the lady from school and im amazed how much they can help families, half the things we worried about would have been looked after by the school.

Anyhow she said i had the support of the school and she even spoke to kerry and kez said she didnt know what she was doing yet. The lady from school also said that if she applied to transfer the kids to a different school then if needed, the can refuse the transfer, its not an automatic thing.

She came and looked round my house and she was satisfied that i have a suitable environment for the kids to live in and she agrees that they are not really in a suitable environment over there

But at least now kerry knows im seroius this time and im not going to take it lying down. Im just waiting to see what she does now :)
 
Good man!

Don't give up on your kids or yourself. Let her go: she seems to be bleeding you dry of emotion and finance. Also glad to hear you've been jobhunting!
Next step is get the legal brigade in and put a court order down. Your right to do so. ESPECIALLY as they should not be being brought up this way that your missus wants. She is being selfish and in a divorce court would have to have her defence revolving around the 'im the mother' thing. Get your job, get your lawyer and get your kids back!
Then you can refuse her access as she is attempting to do to you.
Well done so far and keep it up!
Voltar
 
well i guess theres only one more thing to cover then, hows the sex, you say most your time on the net is when shes in bed at night, so you dont go to bed together that often then im guessing, how often are you doing it, most women i know the only things that **** them off are lack of conversation/laughs, lack of money or lack of sex, oh, and not helping round the house, cover all them bases and life is easier

but if she comes back, you really should make a family holiday a priority, expensive yes, but its the only time you get to actually LIVE together and experience something together, get away from the mundane routine of daily life in the rut.
 
finga said:
well i guess theres only one more thing to cover then, hows the sex, you say most your time on the net is when shes in bed at night, so you dont go to bed together that often then im guessing, how often are you doing it, most women i know the only things that **** them off are lack of conversation/laughs, lack of money or lack of sex, oh, and not helping round the house, cover all them bases and life is easier

but if she comes back, you really should make a family holiday a priority, expensive yes, but its the only time you get to actually LIVE together and experience something together, get away from the mundane routine of daily life in the rut.
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Did you read that she is pregnant?
 
swinnie said:
Did you read that she is pregnant?
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People do get jiggy when theyre pregnant you know....in fact im pretty certain that its the getting jiggy that gets them pregnant :D However they are quite within their rights to carry on doing so!
:p
 
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