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Just to add you could possibly ask him to pay a small fee for rent say £50, he's not in education so that seems reasonable
Have i been too harsh
- Thread starter teulk
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RTFT!
How many times does this have to be repeated. The son was told to be home at 9:30 as punishment for not doing his chores on more than one occasion (judging by the op there is more to it that this but that is the jist). It was not a simple curfew.
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9.30 is still too early, instead of handing out restrictions have a father son talk and explain why he needs to do the chores etc
to be honest i wouldnt pay mind to what half the dim wits in this thread say.
anyone that makes it out like the kid is in the right, how hard is it to shut doors, clean some dishes and work a hoover? the kid isn't mentally disabled, just a lazy bugger.
anyone that makes it out like the kid is in the right, how hard is it to shut doors, clean some dishes and work a hoover? the kid isn't mentally disabled, just a lazy bugger.
so you still didnt read the thread then.
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/CurfewThe Dictionary said:
Regardless of it being a punishment or not it's, still by it's very definition, a curfew!
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This thread is just too much. We all got brought up differently so I don't think taking on too many people's thinking is going to help anything.
I think you should take some of the advice given as easing up though. But do it your own way for the majority of it otherwise you'll be letting other people influence your sons life. Just think of your own upbringing and then do the things that you thought wrong with it. Also remember we have moved on from older times but that doesn't mean to be a doormat.
I wish you and your son the best and hope you both can come to an agreement. I think if you ease up on him on the door opening thing and the time curfews that he will respect you and in turn you will both be able to iron things out. You're the bigger man here and I think he will appreciate you doing it but again, this is my own thoughts. Just do what you think is right and all the best to you both.
I think you should take some of the advice given as easing up though. But do it your own way for the majority of it otherwise you'll be letting other people influence your sons life. Just think of your own upbringing and then do the things that you thought wrong with it. Also remember we have moved on from older times but that doesn't mean to be a doormat.
I wish you and your son the best and hope you both can come to an agreement. I think if you ease up on him on the door opening thing and the time curfews that he will respect you and in turn you will both be able to iron things out. You're the bigger man here and I think he will appreciate you doing it but again, this is my own thoughts. Just do what you think is right and all the best to you both.
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Everything i've said and everything else is totally irrelevant. This ^^
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I have read about 30 posts. Not reading all 250 of them. However, I feel I have a good flavour. I'm 21 and I really rubbed my parents backs up at times, (though not that bad!!). I'm glad they never treated me like that I have to say. However, what can you do with someone who won't listen. At the end of the day (quite literally) I did listen and then it was back to normal for a while. For someone who is totally deaf to everything you say and demand, well I struggle to think what you can do. I can't condemn you for doing what you did. I do think like one poster here though who said that it is a shame he was told of his fate by text!! Still, he's cooked his own goose. I hope he comes home the wiser and the action doesn't backfire (which it can do badly).
I said i wasn't going to read all the posts
i read the first page and the guys already explained hes spoken to his kid several times
He never gave his son a curfew. He demanded he come in at 9.30 as punishment for neglecting his duties. Otherwise his son was allowed out till all hours, which shows trust and respect on the dad's behalf , no?
Is that not exactly what a curfew is? Expecting someone to be home at a certain time, even if it was only for the one night?
ThanksThis makes much more sense!
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i read the first page and the guys already explained hes spoken to his kid several times
I didn't say i had read the first page
Yes, too harsh, I would have preffered some other methods first like disappearing xbox's and ethernet cables first, moving onto THREATENING to throw him out if that didn't work..
I think you went straight to plan Z... Bad
Very apt name.
Read the ******* thread and you might see that it has been tried (along with many other suggestion here); it was NOT a 9-30 curfew either ..... read the OP's comments!
Why do people not read the thread if they are going to post in it? or are they really as stupid as they appear?
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Only read first page, but how old are you out of interest?
By your style of writing and grammar id say about 12?
And I dont think you we're too harsh, as you've left the door open for when he realises how hard life is when you leave home
I know im not really looking forward to it in some ways!
From a 16 year old as well, just to put a spin on things!
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I read the op - not reading the rest.
Kicking out your son over something petty is imature in your own right - your just getting rid of the problem and not dealing with it.
and learned his lesson? what kind of lesson are you trying to teach him? He's a teenager - the only thing he will think your trying to tell him is to be your slave and to not enjoy himself. Thats how teenagers look at it and Im sad to see you have lost touch with how the younger generation thinks.
You were right to punish him for not doing as he's told, but from what I read he never answered back or admittedly done it on purpose - thats just you assuming.
And he's 17 years old and you got a curfue for 9:30? what the hell? I know he's 17 but you need him to experience the real world - not the kitchen.
Reading your original post I couldnt help but think this is one of those "fathers that think their son/daughter is still 10 years old". I think you need to take a step back and look at the bigger picture.
You got a 17 year old son who wants to be an adult but doesnt really know how
He doesnt want to feel dominated by anyone
He wants to feel like he's in control of his life
How can you explain kicking him out of the house is going to help him learn. You should be using at least a more psychological approach to get him to co-operate, I think your still stuck in the whole "do it or your grounded" routine - he's 17, stop treating him like a child. Let him make his own decisions and you need to realise he isnt going to be in your house for much longer. And kicking him out is only going to force him away from you.
Kicking out your son over something petty is imature in your own right - your just getting rid of the problem and not dealing with it.
and learned his lesson? what kind of lesson are you trying to teach him? He's a teenager - the only thing he will think your trying to tell him is to be your slave and to not enjoy himself. Thats how teenagers look at it and Im sad to see you have lost touch with how the younger generation thinks.
You were right to punish him for not doing as he's told, but from what I read he never answered back or admittedly done it on purpose - thats just you assuming.
And he's 17 years old and you got a curfue for 9:30? what the hell? I know he's 17 but you need him to experience the real world - not the kitchen.
Reading your original post I couldnt help but think this is one of those "fathers that think their son/daughter is still 10 years old". I think you need to take a step back and look at the bigger picture.
You got a 17 year old son who wants to be an adult but doesnt really know how
He doesnt want to feel dominated by anyone
He wants to feel like he's in control of his life
How can you explain kicking him out of the house is going to help him learn. You should be using at least a more psychological approach to get him to co-operate, I think your still stuck in the whole "do it or your grounded" routine - he's 17, stop treating him like a child. Let him make his own decisions and you need to realise he isnt going to be in your house for much longer. And kicking him out is only going to force him away from you.
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It was a 9:30 curfue as stated in the op - if the op is going to start changing stories at least cover his tracks or expect opinions based on his posts from page 1.
Kicking out IS harsh as it sounds like he isnt actually mature enough to be treated as an adult so definately do not kick him out, the people who get kicked out can often go off the rails to rebel etc.
The shutting the door thing is forgetfulness, whos cats are they? Surely if they are not his you cant expect him to be responsible for them.
Explain he can either pay rent or do all that cleaning, the amount of cleaning etc he does reflects on the amount of rent he pays, good idea?
You cant really tame a 17year old, lets face it, let him grow out of it.
**edit and im 21, Im still a bit of a ******* though
The shutting the door thing is forgetfulness, whos cats are they? Surely if they are not his you cant expect him to be responsible for them.
Explain he can either pay rent or do all that cleaning, the amount of cleaning etc he does reflects on the amount of rent he pays, good idea?
You cant really tame a 17year old, lets face it, let him grow out of it.
**edit and im 21, Im still a bit of a ******* though
I dont think you've dealt with the situation in the best way.. If he wants to act like a child tell him he will be treated like a child. Ground him so he cannot leave the house (except to go to school and then straight back), no friends around/no going to friends houses. Take his xbox, mobile phone and internet. Tell him that when he will start acting like an adult he can have all these things back. If he wants to use things that you are providing (internet, mobile phone? xbox?) then let him work for it. You could suggest that since he wants to be treated like an adult he should provide for himself...ie pay rent, buy his own food, cook, buy things like mobiles and xboxes...will make him realise how much you do/have done for him and that he needs to pitch in around the house to be fair. Im sure he will fall back in line if his freedom and favourite things are taken away. Its being cruel to be kind so that he doesnt turn out a lazy lil ****!