Help! I need an impressive meal that a complete idiot could cook!

Goto Tesco buy:

1 Jar Thai Red Curry Paste
1 Can Coconut milk
1 packed fresh uncooked prawns

1 packet rice

1) cook rice
2) Fry 2 tablespoons of paste in a wok, until it start to smell nice.
3) add prawns, cook for 4 mins.
4) add 1 tin of coconut milk
5) simmer for 5 mins.

serve on top of rice.

job done

edit: just realised your in poland. replace prawns with chicken,, and thai curry paste with generic curry paste.
 
I heartily recommend you get some of the gordon ramsey cookalong live recipes.

Home Made Steak diane is bound to impress, and its a relatively easy one to think she will like providing shes not a veggie.

Heres the recipe in question

http://www.channel4.com/food/on-tv/cookalong-live/cookalong-live-the-series/week-4/

I also recommend Week 5 - the chinese

http://www.channel4.com/food/on-tv/cookalong-live/cookalong-live-the-series/week-5/

and week 6 - Curry night

http://www.channel4.com/food/on-tv/cookalong-live/cookalong-live-the-series/week-6/


Ive personally cooked week 4 and it was excellent. Its also dead easy to cook and the ingredients arent too complicated.

You could probably get away without the spices. But most of the stuff you should be able to find in a shop just by walking around and picking them up.
 
When I was in Poland there was a HUGE tesco - that sold car tyres and all sorts as well as the usual stuff.

Lurk for 5 minutes until you spot a student type... and ask them if they will help you with the labels. Lots of Poles speak english!

The Fish recipe sounds really good. I wouldn't go with sausage... as polish sausage is a bit of a speciality and you could be at risk of ruining it!

Other things you could make with your facilities...
Paella - Seafood etc
Belly of Pork - if you want to do a really impressive looking roast that is really easy!
Chicken wrapped in bacon - again simple impressive roast idea.
Curry - by a good jar and do what it says!
 
I just tried the salmon option. It tasted like Gordon Brown had rubbed his balls against it, but it's a better position than I was in an hour ago.

Second attempt here we go. Bloody doomed!
 
Ok, something simple and yes super tasty - plus you can make it while she's stood there with you and you'll look like a genius :)

You'll need:

Two chicken breasts (although I prefer the smaller mini fillet efforts - if you can, get the smaller pieces, if not, cut the breasts into three)
A pot of cream
Some mushrooms
2 Shallots
Garlic (get the stuff in a bottle for ease of use)
Brown rice (nice nutty flavour)
Salt and pepper (herbs are not essential, although a flick of herbs de provence over the chicken is a nice touch)

Start cooking the rice as per the instructions - don't get the half hour to cook stuff. Salt and pepper the chicken. Place them in a well-oiled frying pan at a medium heat. Leave it for five minutes (reduce this to four if you have smaller pieces), turn them over and leave them again for five minutes. While you're doing all that, slice the mushrooms and dice the shallots. Try not to cut yourself as you'll look a proper plonker - although sympathy might be nice. The outside of the chicken should be nice and brown by now. Take the chicken out and put it on a plate. Leave the oil in the pan and add the sliced up mushrooms. When the mushrooms turn brown, add the shallots, some garlic and cream all together. Stir it for a couple minutes until it bubbles, then turn it down and add the chicken. Spoon the mixture over the chicken and leave it for a few minutes. The rice should be done by now, rinse it with very hot water, give it a good shake and drain. Spoon the rice onto a plate, put the chicken onto the rice and then ladle the sauce over the chicken. Tuck in. Get jiggy later.


edit: and get a decent knife while you're at the shops :D
 
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I just tried the salmon option. It tasted like Gordon Brown had rubbed his balls against it, but it's a better position than I was in an hour ago.

Second attempt here we go. Bloody doomed!

Thanks very much for that, had me crying with laughter. What woman doesn't like the taste of Gordon Brown's Balls? The bonus is you could ask her if she would prefer the taste of yours to get the taste out of her mouth.

The worrying thing is that you know what that tastes like, are you a high ranking politician that often invites Gordon round for dinner?
 
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Personally I'd have opted for something really simple but nice like chicken in a redwine sauce, very simple to make, can add veg into the pot with it so nearly all cooked inone pot.

Just do some potatoes to go with and ta da you have a great meal that's really really simple to make.

Valve
 
There are lots of potatoes in Poland.

My womanising meal is roast potatoes with cream and a cod soufle.

Potatoes:
Boil potatoes for 10 minutes, slice them into 1-3mm slickes, tessalate the slices in a ceramic baking tray. Pour double cream all over them, and paint melted butter all over the tops of them. That'll then need about 60 minutes in the oven.

Cod:
Make a white sauce (flour butter and milk), then leave it to cool. In the meantime, chop up the cod into rough chunky pieces, then mix it into the white sauce. Get a few eggs, separate the whites and yolks, whisk the whites. Yolks go in the white sauce with the cod. Then you fold the eggwhites in (also all in a ceramic oven dish), and this will need about 45 minutes in the oven - once it's started cooking don't open the oven or the souffle will fall.
 
Go italian, so simple and so tasty

Starter
Ingredients
12 slices Bresaola or something like parma ham.
12 cooked Asparagus
1 bunch wild rocket, trimmed to equal length
4 tbsp fresh pesto

To serve
2 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
cracked black pepper


Method

1. Lay the bresaola slices on a clean work surface. Spread each one with 1 teaspoon pesto, making sure not to go too close to the edges.

2. Lay 5 leaves of rocket on top of each slice, with the leaf end protruding over the edge of the Bresaola.

3. Lay an asparagus stem on top and roll up. Serve with a drizzle of olive oil and some cracked black pepper.

Main
Ingredients :
1 teaspoon olive oil
2 cloves garlic, peeled, crushed and chopped
5 slices of bacon, cut into strips
1/2 cup dry white wine
2 eggs
2/3 cup grated cheese
1/4 cup grated parmesan cheese
Fresh parsley
Fresh pasta to serve 4
Milled black pepper


Recipe :
Heat the oil in a frying pan, over a medium heat.
Add garlic and bacon, then cook for 3 minutes over a low heat.
Drizzle with wine and cook for a further 2 or 3 minutes.
Remove from heat and put to one side.
Beat eggs in a bowl, season, then add cheese, stir well.
Pour over warm, strained pasta and stir briskly.
Add pepper.
Add the garlic and bacon, then sprinkle with parmesan and parsley.

Add some slices of garlic bread and your good to go.


Roast garlic bread
Ingredients
175g Butter
8 cloves Garlic, crushed
2 tbsp Parsley, chopped
1 baguette

Method

Preheat the oven to 230C/ Gas 8. Melt the butter on a low heat on the hob. Stir in the garlic and chopped parsley. Cut the baguette horizontally and brush the melted garlic butter generously over the cut sides.

Put on a baking tray and bake for 8-10 minutes, or until toasted and golden brown. Serve as an accompaniment to pasta dishes.

Dessert: tiramisu
Ingredients:
2 sachets of instant custard
1 tub of mascopone cheese
300ml cream
1/2 a pint of boiling water
6 teaspoons instant coffee
3 teaspoons of sugar
6 squares of good dark chocolate
Optional
Tia maria or any other coffer liqueur
1 and a half boxes of sponge fingers
1 tablespoon sugar
1 cap vanilla

Method
1) a sachet of instant custard usually requires 3/4 of a pint of boiling water, however we need it to be thick. So for two sachets of custard use 1 and 1/8th pints of water. Mix well and place in fridge to cool.
2) make up the coffee, with the sugar in it. It should be very strong, don't add too much sugar, it should still be slightly bitter. Place in fridge to cool.
3) once they are cool, get the custard out and mix the mascapone in, until you get an even colour.
4) get a suitable container and pour the coffee into it, something which is easy to dip the sponge fingers into, if your adding liqueur pour that in as well.
5) get a suitable dish for making the dessert in.
6) Get several sponge fingers and place in the coffee and leave for a few seconds to absorb, the idea is to get it totally soaked all the way through, without falling to bits. If you've never done before, experiment and eat the failed ones. Put one layer of soaked fingers on the bottom of the dish. If tehy look a little dry you can always get a spoon and pour some more over the fingers.
7) layer half the custard mix over the fingers.
8) repeat steps 6 and 7 with the rest of the ingredients, don't worry if there's any coffee left, just throw it away, you don't want the thing dripping.
9) get the cream sugar and vanilla and whisk till soft peaks, spoon over the top and smooth over
10) get the dark chocolate and grate over the top, place in fridge until you are ready to serve, will easily keep several days.
 
Asparagus tips with Hollandaise sauce out of jar drizzled over - that's your starter sorted.
grind up some pepper, lime zest and salt and press it all over some skinless salmon fillets. pan fry about 2-3 mins each side. serve with a packaged herby salad. sorted
desert, sorbet or something out of a tub. sorted
all in all will take you about 20 mins :)
 
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