The worlds WORST jokes in here please.

Tefal said:
"BETTER NATE THAN LEVER,"
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I was actually enjoying reading that... was an alright story! but then the ending just made me :( :) :mad:

1.how many babies does it take to paint a house?
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depends how hard you throw them


2. What's ship shaped when it's rigged?
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A boat


3. what did the sea horse say to the blind horse?
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nothing, horses can't speak.
 
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_Gizka_ said:
Absolutely hilarious mate!

What's pink and fluffy?

Pink Fluff ¬.¬
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What's blue and fluffy?

Pink fluff holding its breath




I bought some Viagra eye drops last week. They didn't help me in the sack, but they did make me look hard.




A truckload of Viagra was stolen this morning, police say the culprits are likely to be hardened criminals.
 
Well the antiques roadshow came to town last weekend and my grandad decided to check out if they had anything worth taking along.

He gave me a call on Saturday to give him a hand getting something down from the attic. So I went along to help out. It took us hours
getting this heavy dirty old metal thing from the attic. It was covered in cobwebs and dust and I don't mind telling you it was a relief to
get it into the boot of his car.

We took it along the next day and I helped him get it out of the car and into the display area.

David Battie himself came over and thanked everyone for bringing their antiques. Then he turned to my grandad and said "And once
you've gotten that ******* cold water tank out of the way then we can get on with the ******* programme.





*Yes I know, I feel your pain :p
 
What goes from green to red at the touch of a button?
A frog in a blender.

What is the difference between Katie Price and a bucket of vomit?
The vomit.

How many members of a certain demographic group does it take to perform a specified task?
A finite number: one to perform the task and the remainder to act in a manner stereotypical of the group in question.
 
what do mexicans put under their carpets?
underlay underlay..

when is a door not a door?
when it's a jar..

what do you get if you cross the m25 with a pair of rollerskates?
about halfway.
 
How do you know if a person you're having sex with is a snooker player?

Snooker players always want the brown before the pink.

Doesn't work for gay men, of course.
 
What did the Lesbian Vampire say to the other Lesbian Vampire . . . ?

Thanks dear, see you next month . . . !
 
Police found a man lying dead on a pavement, near the base of a skyscraper. He was covered in a white sticky substance.
Their report: He tossed himself off.

Police found a man dead in his house, with his head in a bowl of muesli. They believe he was pulled in by a strong currant.

Another household death, a man was found in his kitchen covered in hundreds and thousands. Police reported that he most likely topped himself.

A man is wanted as the prime suspect of a horrific cornflakes stabbing. Police believe he's likely to be a cereal killer.
 
What do you call a man with a lettuce on his head.



Strange.




What's big and blue and jumps up and down?



The Indian Ocean on a trampoline.




What do an orange and a giraffe have in common?



neither of them can drive a tractor.
 
The police wet to a crime scene and found a well known terrorist bound and gagged and stabbed 17 times :(







Police said it was the worst case of suicide they had ever seen :D
 
What did tarzan say when the elephants came over the hill?

"Here come the elephants over the hill".

What did tarzan say when the elephants came over the hill wearing sunglasses?

Nothing - he didn't recognise them.

If you love corny jokes like these you have to go see Tim Vine - my ribs ached for days from laughing so much.
 
SHOPPERS. When buying oranges, get more for your money by peeling them before taking them to the counter to be weighed.
 
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