The last embarrassing thing you got caught doing
- Thread starter Clum
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Man of Honour
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You should be knighted my friend, that is brilliant.
Suppose I better include my favourite 'poo' story which is funny now but wasn't at the time. It's a fairly long story so move along if you bore easily.
I worked as an ICT manager some years ago and I was sitting down talking to a teacher in my office when I felt this serious urge to fart. You know one of those farts that you can't help let slip out. Anyway, I let it slip and unfortunately this tiny weeny little slippage was followed by a torrent of warm slippery 'substance' which trickled down my leg. At this very point I was politely discussing the intricacies of working with Excel when I decided it was best to make my excuses and make the fastest possible exit for the toilet. I must have been bright red in the face, and had terrible stomach cramps, but managed to get into trap # 1 in the kids toilets. You know these really tiny weeny toilets, built specifically for kids. I managed to squeeze my giant frame inside one of these traps and crapped my heart out.
After all this effort I was then left with a dilema. What to do with my crappy trousers, and worse of all, my crappy pants. I had filled them something awful, and I was close to tears. Here I was, sat on a tiny wee crapper, head in hands, with my trousers stuffed in a pile on the floor. Fortunately it was within a class period, so there were no kids around! Yay! So I decide to ditch the pants, and keep the trousers. I gave the trousers the best hosing down I could and stuck them back on. They stank. Then I was left with the caked pantage. Right I thought, time for the bin. Only I wanted to be clever. There was no way I was going to stick these in the bin in the toilet - it was too obvious. I thought I'd make a quick getaway and bung them in a more public bin outside. A bin the kids use, and blame them if I get found! Yes...
So off I trot, feeling much better, when noooooo. I am stopped by the teacher. The very same teacher who I was speaking to earlier on! Noooooo. She starts to ask me about Excel again. Here I am, in stained beige trousers, stinking to hell, with a pair of caked pants stuffed in my hands. I quickly hid the pantage behind my back. But the smell was an obvious giveaway. The poor lass must have realised, because she turned green almost, and made her excuses and left. I went the deepest red you can imagine and felt sick to my stomach. I was so embarrassed. So I turn around and ditch the pants in the nearest bin.
End of story, or so I thought.. The following Monday there is a staff meeting. I am invited along. I turn up a bit late and I am presented with the head shouting his mouth off about a pair of 'soiled' pants found in one of the bins, and blaming all and sundry for poor hygiene and disgusting blah blah.. I didn't know where to look. What was worse was the teacher who saw me, who must have known absolutely everything was there, looking straight at me! And the worse thing of all.. She was HOT.
ROFLOL! Don't think I've ever laughed so much!
5 Stars!
This thread is made from epic and win.
Some truely classic poo stories!
I've been racking my brain with the most embarassing moment of my life, but nothing I can think of even comes close to some of the greats in thread!
This thread is made from epic and win.
Some truely classic poo stories!
I've been racking my brain with the most embarassing moment of my life, but nothing I can think of even comes close to some of the greats in thread!
Soldato
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I think it's time I found the courage to post my experience of 'poo' related events as well.
A good few years back, me, my mum, dad and my sister were on holiday with my grandparents at their caravan. Anyway, the caravan was at one of those caravan parks with lots of other people staying in their caravan's on holiday. Long story short, there were some facilities on site for people to have a shower, use the toilet etc - as some caravans didn't have showers (my grandparents caravan bieng one). So one morning I decided I would like to go for a shower. I walk down to the shower and toilet facility along with my towel and wash bag to hand. Anyway I get there, I feel a movement come on. So fair enough I go to the crapper, slip my trousers and undies down and park my backside on the almighty throne. While I'm there taking my time letting it all out, it turns out to be one of those messier ones that you find out as your going. There I am spraying all round the pan, then to my horror I notice there is no toilet roll! In desperation I called for help (what can a man do right?) for someone in there to pass me a toilet roll. Unfortunately they must have all been in the showers because nobody replied or came. So there I am, really mucky poo and I need to wipe my mess. I'm sat there going through all different ways in which I can deal with this situation like do I dare go back to the caravan and 'try' to clean myself up there? No, no I can't do that! So I grab the one thing I can, my socks and wipe up my mess, give the chain a tug, flush the baby's arm, jump in the shower, clean myself off and ditch the socks (as they were pretty much ruined). To my horror on the way out, someone else must have used the cubicle I was using before because they suddenly came out running and jumping with turd water overflowing and running out the toilet onto the floor! It would seem I blocked the toilet. I left rather quickly.
Why does this always happen to us men?
A good few years back, me, my mum, dad and my sister were on holiday with my grandparents at their caravan. Anyway, the caravan was at one of those caravan parks with lots of other people staying in their caravan's on holiday. Long story short, there were some facilities on site for people to have a shower, use the toilet etc - as some caravans didn't have showers (my grandparents caravan bieng one). So one morning I decided I would like to go for a shower. I walk down to the shower and toilet facility along with my towel and wash bag to hand. Anyway I get there, I feel a movement come on. So fair enough I go to the crapper, slip my trousers and undies down and park my backside on the almighty throne. While I'm there taking my time letting it all out, it turns out to be one of those messier ones that you find out as your going. There I am spraying all round the pan, then to my horror I notice there is no toilet roll! In desperation I called for help (what can a man do right?) for someone in there to pass me a toilet roll. Unfortunately they must have all been in the showers because nobody replied or came. So there I am, really mucky poo and I need to wipe my mess. I'm sat there going through all different ways in which I can deal with this situation like do I dare go back to the caravan and 'try' to clean myself up there? No, no I can't do that! So I grab the one thing I can, my socks and wipe up my mess, give the chain a tug, flush the baby's arm, jump in the shower, clean myself off and ditch the socks (as they were pretty much ruined). To my horror on the way out, someone else must have used the cubicle I was using before because they suddenly came out running and jumping with turd water overflowing and running out the toilet onto the floor! It would seem I blocked the toilet. I left rather quickly.
Why does this always happen to us men?
Soldato
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No they were ditched in one of the bins. My poo was so big it unfortunately blocked the toilet.
Associate
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There is just sooooo much epic in this thread.
eughhhhhh what is it with men and poo?
I was having a meeting with two male colleagues earlier and one of their stomachs rumbled and the other just said "awww do you need a poo? actually i need a poo so we best hurry up!"
gross!
I was having a meeting with two male colleagues earlier and one of their stomachs rumbled and the other just said "awww do you need a poo? actually i need a poo so we best hurry up!"
gross!
Soldato
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- Midlands, UK
I get embarassed for my step-son who has CF (cystic fibrosis). When i got together with his mum 5 years ago he and his twin brother were 10 years old. We'd been to the fair with another family near their home and on the way home he needed to use the loo at their house. Uh-oh! we thought. Because of his condition he creates what can only be described as nucleur fallout! He came out the house rather sharpish, almost chased by the owner (family friend) who was gagging. He was laughing about it, as 10 year olds do, but jesus joesph and doggy-style mary, the smell was ungodly, the whole family stayed outside for a while. I was sooo embarassed.
He's 15 now and still funks the place up when he drops his waste. He gets shouted at all the time cos he scatter-bombs the whole pan and 'forgets' to clean it up.
Its all treated as a joke, so don't go thinking we're being cruel. In fact, i'm bloody sure he does it on purpose, its THAT bad, lol.
He's 15 now and still funks the place up when he drops his waste. He gets shouted at all the time cos he scatter-bombs the whole pan and 'forgets' to clean it up.
Its all treated as a joke, so don't go thinking we're being cruel. In fact, i'm bloody sure he does it on purpose, its THAT bad, lol.
Man of Honour
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eughhhhhh what is it with men and poo?
I was having a meeting with two male colleagues earlier and one of their stomachs rumbled and the other just said "awww do you need a poo? actually i need a poo so we best hurry up!"
gross!
We have no shame about it *shrugs*
Just like women freely talk about periods.
Tis true, ill people rule supreme on the **** stakes.
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I get embarassed for my step-son who has CF (cystic fibrosis). When i got together with his mum 5 years ago he and his twin brother were 10 years old. We'd been to the fair with another family near their home and on the way home he needed to use the loo at their house. Uh-oh! we thought. Because of his condition he creates what can only be described as nucleur fallout! He came out the house rather sharpish, almost chased by the owner (family friend) who was gagging. He was laughing about it, as 10 year olds do, but jesus joesph and doggy-style mary, the smell was ungodly, the whole family stayed outside for a while. I was sooo embarassed.
He's 15 now and still funks the place up when he drops his waste. He gets shouted at all the time cos he scatter-bombs the whole pan and 'forgets' to clean it up.
Its all treated as a joke, so don't go thinking we're being cruel. In fact, i'm bloody sure he does it on purpose, its THAT bad, lol.
haha that's awesome, by then end of reading that, I was thinking the same, he probably does it on purpose now for poops and giggles, in every sense of the phrase
fair play on you though for taking on a task like that
*doffs cap*knew someone who had some mental disability, and he'd cause merry hell, then while his parents were cleaning up after him (situation-wise
) he'd look at someone with a serious glint in his eye of "I get away with so much" the guy was hilarious, and great fun on his good days
Soldato
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- 28 Jun 2006
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And this is why I developed my "Three Point Pre-Crap Check". Whenever I go for a dump, I take some toilet paper, wipe the seat and then use the paper as a fireman's blanket. And the reason why it's a Three Point Pre-Crap Check is that it covers three vital areas:I think it's time I found the courage to post my experience of 'poo' related events as well.
A good few years back, me, my mum, dad and my sister were on holiday with my grandparents at their caravan. Anyway, the caravan was at one of those caravan parks with lots of other people staying in their caravan's on holiday. Long story short, there were some facilities on site for people to have a shower, use the toilet etc - as some caravans didn't have showers (my grandparents caravan bieng one). So one morning I decided I would like to go for a shower. I walk down to the shower and toilet facility along with my towel and wash bag to hand. Anyway I get there, I feel a movement come on. So fair enough I go to the crapper, slip my trousers and undies down and park my backside on the almighty throne. While I'm there taking my time letting it all out, it turns out to be one of those messier ones that you find out as your going. There I am spraying all round the pan, then to my horror I notice there is no toilet roll! In desperation I called for help (what can a man do right?) for someone in there to pass me a toilet roll. Unfortunately they must have all been in the showers because nobody replied or came. So there I am, really mucky poo and I need to wipe my mess. I'm sat there going through all different ways in which I can deal with this situation like do I dare go back to the caravan and 'try' to clean myself up there? No, no I can't do that! So I grab the one thing I can, my socks and wipe up my mess, give the chain a tug, flush the baby's arm, jump in the shower, clean myself off and ditch the socks (as they were pretty much ruined). To my horror on the way out, someone else must have used the cubicle I was using before because they suddenly came out running and jumping with turd water overflowing and running out the toilet onto the floor! It would seem I blocked the toilet. I left rather quickly.
Why does this always happen to us men?
1) There is paper.
2) There is a relatively clean seat.
3) No splashback.
The first time the missus and I ever went at it her brother walked in, I'd only just met her family that day and had never met him before, so the first thing he ever saw of me was my bare arse!
Another time mid coitus we got a knock on the door and her mum asked us to "keep it down", (she's a light sleeper).
A couple of weeks ago I was in a tutorial and had to stifle a sneeze. Unfortunately whilst doing so I unwittingly released the mother of all farts which echoed around the room. Everyone (they were all working quietly btw) then turned slowly to look at me sat there, bright red, with my mates crying with laughter around me. Bad times.
Another time mid coitus we got a knock on the door and her mum asked us to "keep it down", (she's a light sleeper).
A couple of weeks ago I was in a tutorial and had to stifle a sneeze. Unfortunately whilst doing so I unwittingly released the mother of all farts which echoed around the room. Everyone (they were all working quietly btw) then turned slowly to look at me sat there, bright red, with my mates crying with laughter around me. Bad times.
Haha
I think one of my most embarrassing moments was actually when i was about 4/5.
My family and I took a trip down to Brighton and decided to go to our favourite restaurant.
(It was a house converted into one)
I was really thirsty so asked my mum for a glass of orange juice. As soon as it arrived I gulped it down within seconds. Then about two seconds later I let out the loudest burp ever!!
Everyone stopped, all you could hear was the clatter of knives and forks where other people were so shocked at what they had just heard.
Even the waiter who was in the kitchen at the back of the house heard it!! lol He came out and said "Someone enjoyed their dinner!"
So what did I do?
Slid down in my chair, looked at my eldest sister and said "Nicola! how disgusting!!"
I think one of my most embarrassing moments was actually when i was about 4/5.
My family and I took a trip down to Brighton and decided to go to our favourite restaurant.
(It was a house converted into one)
I was really thirsty so asked my mum for a glass of orange juice. As soon as it arrived I gulped it down within seconds. Then about two seconds later I let out the loudest burp ever!!
Everyone stopped, all you could hear was the clatter of knives and forks where other people were so shocked at what they had just heard.
Even the waiter who was in the kitchen at the back of the house heard it!! lol He came out and said "Someone enjoyed their dinner!"
So what did I do?
Slid down in my chair, looked at my eldest sister and said "Nicola! how disgusting!!"