The last embarrassing thing you got caught doing

not me, but a good friend of mine..

He did the London marathon this year, so did a lot of training for it beforehand, mainly running around town etc.

One day, he decided not to take a dump before running as he thought he was ok, cue 5 miles later, running down a terraced street with no secluded spots at all, and not a corner in sight, he had the sudden urge to go.

The best he could find was an open garage -(there were kids in the street as they were walking home from school)

So he said he ran into this garage and just crapped in the middle of the floor, took his boxers off to wipe, then left the garage and ran home! So some poor sod had a horrible semi liquid mess to clear up
 
There I was two minutes ago reading this thread laughing at you all, when this BIG bloody hairy moth started flying round my head, needless to say shutdown button was pressed and a hasty retreat was made from the room.

Now sitting on my laptop recovering next door.

Dont mind moths and flies etc normally but this big buggar freaked me out.
 
ScarySquirrel said:
My girlfriend (now-ex, although not because of this) and I visited Egypt a couple of years back, and despite being fully aware of the danger of explosive diarrhoea, it was unavoidable.
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I can relate to that.

I went there a few years back and me and the rest of the family suffered the same fate.

After a night of unspeckable unpleaseantness, we pop down to the chemist to get something to settle our tums before hitting the beach.
So we get down to the beach and break out these damn HORSE pills, I've never been good with swallowing pills and these blighters were pretty big! But sod it I was tired, I lay back on my sunbed and make an attempt to swallow them.
I promptly semi-choke and throw up on myself. No biggie, I get up, covered in vomit and walk down the beach to the nearest shower.

I get to my bed, finally manage to swallow the pills and try to relax, but my bowels had other plans, beacause, without so much as an announcement they decided to move on their own accord.
I get up and inform the family I'm going back to the hotel room, they ask where the hell I'm going, but I'm too busy, gathering up my stuff and what remained of my pride.

I think they understood what happened, but they had to remind me I had a scuba diving lesson later on that day...

So I went back to the hotel room, cleaned myself up and spent a good hour or so praying to what ever god that would listen that my guts wouldn't play up anymore. Or trying to figure out how the hell I was going to explain the mess in my wetsuit to the instructor.

Thankfully though, the wetsuit remained clean.
 
Absolutely hilarious gold in here! :D

Am I the only one who doesn't have a poo story? My bowels are so regimental, same times every day, I'm never caught short and can hold for hours, even entire days. :o It's just not right when your other half has more stories than you do!
 
Me too. I went on tour to france with my rugby team recently. We drunk loads and ate ****, I didn't go for a **** once for friday - monday.
What can I say my bowels are pro. I just hate going for a **** away from home.
 
On holiday once we did one of those day trip things, anyway this one we did was to an island off the coast by speedboat. Once we got there I could feel my bowels getting somewhat full, but ignored it as there was only a pair of toilets on the island bit where we were and they were quite busy (They were like little shacks). Anyway, few hours later and I'm so badly in need of a movement that I can feel it becoming a turtle head, at which point everyone had eaten so were taking regular toilet breaks. I try to wait until it's died down as I knew it'd be a biggy, so I eventually got in there and set myself up for a massive dump. I sit down and start to squeeze out a mother of a log and a family of smaller ones, stood up and stared down the bowl partly proud of this monolithic beast of a poo I had just laid down, but partly worried that it wouldn't flush. So I hit the flusher, and nothing happens, I keep pulling and pulling and nothings happening. So I lift the lid and check it out and the flusher had snapped. So I stood there like "ohgad" wondering what I should do, in the end I decided to man up and just leave it, so I did. Opened the door, and there's an oldish looking man standing there with the typical friendly look on his face. So I reacted as quick as I could by putting my face to the floor and running towards the sea.

I didn't see what happened next, I stayed in the sea until it was time to go. Getting back on the boat was so tense. :(
 
DampCat said:
Picking my nose. It was one of those horrible hard ones, you know? When you twitch your nose and you can feel it poking the side of your nostril. It's so prominent, you're almost positive people can SEE it pressing against the side of your nose like some little stowaway trying to get out. When i said any word with the letter "N" it would vibrate slightly and make me feel like i had to sneeze.

Sod that, i had to get the little blighter out of there. No tissues, but it couldn't wait. He had to go.

I was on a train. 2 people saw. I had nowehere to put it, and they were watching, so i just sat with it in my hand for 15 minutes. When i got off, I subtely held a sign post as i went round a corner and there it came to rest.
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i know what you mean mate. happens frequently

but this is just LOL
 
FBi7 said:
A few months back, I was just getting out the bath. The Mrs was in the bathroom and we were talking.

The bath almost drained, I stood up and started to dry myself, still talking to the Mrs. I then felt the need to do a really big fart and ended up sharting - right there in front of her. Poo down my leg and in the remaining bathwater! She saw the lot!

Promptly instructed her to leave whilst I had a shower. Thankfully she's never mentioned it since.
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Lmao! you have the 'Water people in'
 
probs the one for me. Was in the local lakes, had quite a few to drink, - portable bbq etc, there is me and a friend running about this feild wearing just our boxers, but with them pulled up real high so it kinda resembles a thong..

Next minute i saw my nan, Auntie, Grandad, having an afternoon stroll.

They saw me but they just started walking faster. all i could do is LOL
 
Some of these are genuinely disturbing, but mostly hilarious ^_^

Pro tip for camoe: If you press "multi +" next to the "quote" button, you can reply to more than 1 post in a single reply!


yw ;)
 
Embarrassed myself the other day but ony in front of myself thank god.
Like a lot of folk, i nearly shart when i see a big-azz spider. Anyway, walked into the kitchen at work and saw this monster on the floor. Without thinking much i scooped down and chased it around the floor until i caught it in my hand. Walked through the building and threw it out...........MAN-GOD moment for me! :D it was really big.

That very same evening i was walking the dog on some fields. As we walked down a narrow path i walked into a spiders web that was straddling said path. The spider was one of those goldy/brown ones with big bodies and really pointy leg-ends that nestle in your bushes all the time. As i looked down it was on my upper arm.
For some reactionary reason i flipped out, monkey-screamed whilst jumping up and down on the spot wiggling my hands (pretty much like a girl would) then brushed myself off and pull down my shirt. The dog just gave me the w t f ? look and carried on.
Told the mrs when i got home and giggled her head off.
Glad i was on my own. :o
 
Not as good as some of yours but..

Thinking nobody was in the house , i started singing and then i was singing while doing the dinner. Walked into the living room and my dad was in

:(
 
Pookie Bear said:
And this is why I developed my "Three Point Pre-Crap Check". Whenever I go for a dump, I take some toilet paper, wipe the seat and then use the paper as a fireman's blanket. And the reason why it's a Three Point Pre-Crap Check is that it covers three vital areas:

1) There is paper.
2) There is a relatively clean seat.
3) No splashback.
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Surely you have had a ****uation though where there is very little time for a pre-check?!

I might have posted my Tesco Tornado story in another thread of similar WINness, CBA typing it all up again though :p
 
Probably having a nice fart in a lift which I thought I was safe in, you know, doors just about to close, I let a huge smelly guff off, cue nice girl running and just about making the doors.

cue a very tense lift ride. :(
 
Got caught shagging in my car by a couple of police officers. Totally but naked in a fully steamed up car.
 
Being late for work I grabbed the clothes closest to me, hastily dressed and hit the road. I had put on an old pair of jeans riddled with holes, but comfy enough to warrant keeping them. unfortunately one of the holes was located right in the groin and I later realised that one of my nuts had managed to wriggle out of it and just hang there. I have no idea how long it had been dangling there like an egg on a string, but it embarrassed the crap out of me noticing it and trying to shuffle about in my chair to pop it back in.
 
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