girl issue
- Thread starter Jonnybmac
- Start date
It's clear you know what to do, it's clear you know you also make the same mistakes over and over. Coming to us, the public can't change anything.
Personally, I'd want to know if the child was mine and I would never, ever want to be near her again unless it was to pick up my child.
She sounds like she treats people like ****.
Personally, I'd want to know if the child was mine and I would never, ever want to be near her again unless it was to pick up my child.
She sounds like she treats people like ****.
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OP, you sound messed up. Imagine this goes to court, I doubt you'd be taken seriously. This would be a case where the mother wins.
That said. From what you've said about this girl, she sounds like a slapper. You should be assuming the child is NOT yours - unless a test proves otherwise.
If she wants to vanish, and not take money from you, and not involve you - you'll have to go along with it.
If she wants money from you, she has to let you prove the child is yours first.
If I was you, I'd never speak to her again. Disappear.
That said. From what you've said about this girl, she sounds like a slapper. You should be assuming the child is NOT yours - unless a test proves otherwise.
If she wants to vanish, and not take money from you, and not involve you - you'll have to go along with it.
If she wants money from you, she has to let you prove the child is yours first.
If I was you, I'd never speak to her again. Disappear.
I'd bet she wasn't. Think about it - given your experience with her, do you think she wouldn't lie to you? Maybe she wasn't pregnant at all.
Your best bet is legal advice. You'll probably lose, of course, but it's worth getting professional advice.
My brother was in a similar situation. He had PR too - it's utterly meaningless for a father and does not give you any real rights. He never saw his daughter afterwards and eventually had to give up the legal battle because he'd gone too far into debt paying for it. But maybe you'll get lucky somehow.
This. I genuinely cannot believe you'd just take that kind of behaviour.
Get the DNA done and do yourself a favour. By the description of her legs sound like McDonalds, in that they are open all the time. I bet you won't be the father because she sounds like a complete compulsive liar, and if true you will be thanking your lucky stars.
And use some a condom from now on..
And use some a condom from now on..
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Sorry but
You really need to stop being a utter nob and get on with your life.
You are a total sucker and she is riding you like a bitch.
Grow some and move on you stupid blind man.
Sorry to be harsh but it needed here.
Jesus wept just look at your first post, it should really tell you something they are your words not ours.
You really need to stop being a utter nob and get on with your life.
You are a total sucker and she is riding you like a bitch.
Grow some and move on you stupid blind man.
Sorry to be harsh but it needed here.
Jesus wept just look at your first post, it should really tell you something they are your words not ours.
I think you shouldn't have had a child with her in the first place with such an unstable relationship, but what's done is done. I am in a very stable relationship (almost three years with no hiccups) and still scared of even of just that though of having a child, but that's mainly because I'm not done yet with my studies.
I'd agree to what people are saying here, get a DNA test first before moving a muscle, because you might be fighting for something that isn't even yours in the first place.
I'd agree to what people are saying here, get a DNA test first before moving a muscle, because you might be fighting for something that isn't even yours in the first place.
Get the DNA test now while you can... Reason - so she can't turn round to you later and start claiming he isn't your when it suits her just to mess with your head.
Reading between the lines it sounds like you are scared to get a DNA test more because it is your one thing tying you to this girl. Without the kid linking you, you are scared (subconsciously or otherwise) that you might lose her forever.
That's not healthly ... there is absolutely no hope for a happy future for you two together. I can't see that you'll ever be able to get over the things she did to you even if you did get back together. The chances of that happening anyway are non existent - she only uses sex as a way to manipulate you.
But here's the thing, although you are a victim in this ... you are entirely responsible for allowing yourself to be the victim. It's entirely in your control, but you are chosing to put yourself in the position to be walked all over time and time again.
The only way you will get over this is to have nothing more to do with her emotionally. You have to make yourself genuinely believe there is no future for you together under any circumstances. If you hold any hope you won't be able to move on.
Ideally you would make sure you never see her again, but with a child involved that is obviously difficult. You can still see your child without having anything to do with her personally however. Visitations can even be arranged through a third party if necessary. Even if you meet when picking up your son, there is no need to know anything about her current life.
It harsh, but you must realise that it's 100% in your control to go out, put your life back together and be happy again. It's tough sure, but you've got to break the terrible cycle you are in.
Good luck, many of us have experienced horrible situations like this and now have moved on and are happier than we ever were before.
Reading between the lines it sounds like you are scared to get a DNA test more because it is your one thing tying you to this girl. Without the kid linking you, you are scared (subconsciously or otherwise) that you might lose her forever.
That's not healthly ... there is absolutely no hope for a happy future for you two together. I can't see that you'll ever be able to get over the things she did to you even if you did get back together. The chances of that happening anyway are non existent - she only uses sex as a way to manipulate you.
But here's the thing, although you are a victim in this ... you are entirely responsible for allowing yourself to be the victim. It's entirely in your control, but you are chosing to put yourself in the position to be walked all over time and time again.
The only way you will get over this is to have nothing more to do with her emotionally. You have to make yourself genuinely believe there is no future for you together under any circumstances. If you hold any hope you won't be able to move on.
Ideally you would make sure you never see her again, but with a child involved that is obviously difficult. You can still see your child without having anything to do with her personally however. Visitations can even be arranged through a third party if necessary. Even if you meet when picking up your son, there is no need to know anything about her current life.
It harsh, but you must realise that it's 100% in your control to go out, put your life back together and be happy again. It's tough sure, but you've got to break the terrible cycle you are in.
Good luck, many of us have experienced horrible situations like this and now have moved on and are happier than we ever were before.
You shouldn't be trying to bring a child into the World when you can't even maintain a relationship with this person. Indeed, you should ensure that you are doing what you can to ensure that this does not happen. It takes two to produce a life, you need to wrap it up as well as her having the implant to ensure that you don't bring a child into the hellhole that is your relationship.
Stop being petty with this new bloke. Your child needs its father, and you should be doing everything to ensure that the kid has the best possible life you can give him. He doesn't need to be party to you going round and harking on to some bloke about what a horrible person his girlfriend is. It is none of your business and isn't going to make the childs life any better.
Go down the normal route to ensure that you have contact with your child, seek some legal advice and what not.
If there was a step, I'd be sitting on it
.Try here for good advice http://www.fnf.org.uk/
I've been through the whole court procedure thing to see my two children so if you need anyone to talk too or just some friendly advice my email is in trust
I've been through the whole court procedure thing to see my two children so if you need anyone to talk too or just some friendly advice my email is in trust
She has you wrapped round her finger buddy, sounds like she's pretty young and immature.
first things first get a DNA test this is just to confirm it's yours.
Don't go to court Yet! you need to get yourself back on your feet.
will anyone of your family or friend's be a witness?
get some finances behind you, cause you will need to show the court that you are financialy stable, also be able to cope with a child (character reference).
These are all threats "im leaving" ect.. or "moving country" this is to make you beg or worry. if it's done by text keep a copy. the best thing to do is play it cool, say "even if you move away i will be there for the baby and nothing more" and even if she doesn't let you see the baby, when the child is old enough the child would want to know where the real dad is!.
let her play her little game but dont get involved" and just respond with let the court sort this out" once she knows that your not playing ball she will see that you are taking this seriously.
this is going to be tough but you need the support of your friends and family behind you.
Good Luck
first things first get a DNA test this is just to confirm it's yours.
Don't go to court Yet! you need to get yourself back on your feet.
will anyone of your family or friend's be a witness?
get some finances behind you, cause you will need to show the court that you are financialy stable, also be able to cope with a child (character reference).
These are all threats "im leaving" ect.. or "moving country" this is to make you beg or worry. if it's done by text keep a copy. the best thing to do is play it cool, say "even if you move away i will be there for the baby and nothing more" and even if she doesn't let you see the baby, when the child is old enough the child would want to know where the real dad is!.
let her play her little game but dont get involved" and just respond with let the court sort this out" once she knows that your not playing ball she will see that you are taking this seriously.
this is going to be tough but you need the support of your friends and family behind you.
Good Luck
First of all CUDOS to you for really wanting an active part of your sons life being such a young dad yourself.
As you are so young she has lead you up the garden path one too many times. You need to makes sure that you have the support system behind you in your family to pick yourself up from the deep slump you're in make something good of yourself.
DO NOT what so ever go back even if she begs and pleads, if she throws a paddy and threatens to take away your visitation rights then SEEK LEGAL ADVICE!!!
Think of it as petulant child syndrome (Not medical advice - just a term I like to use) grown up says 'no' child wants toy even more, the child always wants the other kids toys once it has it it doesn't want it no more.
Not sure on this but I'm sure she wants to see you miserable, so make sure that you are happy each time you go see your sone and happy towards people she knows so they can say I saw him the otherday and he looks well etc. DO NOT LET HER GET YOU DOWN your son will pick up on that.
Whatever you do please do not involve yourself with her other relationship, whatever your intentions are about telling the other fella of what's been happening, even if it the buddy situation where you don't want him to go through what you've been through stay out of it. The choice is yours at the end of the day, you tell the new bf you could possibly never get to see your son for a very long time or ever.
Be the bigger person and strive to see your son only when you go visit and please please please tell him as many times as you can fit into the visitations that you LOVE HIM be sure you absolutely mean it.
D'oh! What Dave said above me! It took me a while to type so bit slow there LOL
As you are so young she has lead you up the garden path one too many times. You need to makes sure that you have the support system behind you in your family to pick yourself up from the deep slump you're in make something good of yourself.
DO NOT what so ever go back even if she begs and pleads, if she throws a paddy and threatens to take away your visitation rights then SEEK LEGAL ADVICE!!!
Think of it as petulant child syndrome (Not medical advice - just a term I like to use) grown up says 'no' child wants toy even more, the child always wants the other kids toys once it has it it doesn't want it no more.
Not sure on this but I'm sure she wants to see you miserable, so make sure that you are happy each time you go see your sone and happy towards people she knows so they can say I saw him the otherday and he looks well etc. DO NOT LET HER GET YOU DOWN your son will pick up on that.
Whatever you do please do not involve yourself with her other relationship, whatever your intentions are about telling the other fella of what's been happening, even if it the buddy situation where you don't want him to go through what you've been through stay out of it. The choice is yours at the end of the day, you tell the new bf you could possibly never get to see your son for a very long time or ever.
Be the bigger person and strive to see your son only when you go visit and please please please tell him as many times as you can fit into the visitations that you LOVE HIM be sure you absolutely mean it.
D'oh! What Dave said above me! It took me a while to type so bit slow there LOL
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