Straw poll: mid-twenties- time to settle down?

cm1179 said:
i think there is a bit of a rule though and it's only have children if you believe you can financially and actively give them the upbringing a child deserves
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Of course. This just adds to my point that it depends on the person/couples circumstances. Don't just do things because you're 'supposed' to. Live your own life.
 
im 29, been with the missus since we were 15, married 1.5 years and have a mortgage for 3-4 years now.

She now wants kids, that to me is settling down and I don't want to do it. Responsibility, cost and routine, how boring.

Having a mortgage is a tie down too, but we can sell the house, you can't sell your kids, well, not unless you live in Africa and Madonna is about.

I feel like I am too young, the wife feels she is getting too old. Only you can decide when to settle, no one else, live your life, learn your lessons and then one day you may decide it is time. As happy as I am with the wife, I do envy my friend who is slowly returning from spending a year travelling the globe!
 
AHarvey said:
im 29, been with the missus since we were 15, married 1.5 years and have a mortgage for 3-4 years now.

She now wants kids, that to me is settling down and I don't want to do it. Responsibility, cost and routine, how boring.

Having a mortgage is a tie down too, but we can sell the house, you can't sell your kids, well, not unless you live in Africa and Madonna is about.

I feel like I am too young, the wife feels she is getting too old. Only you can decide when to settle, no one else, live your life, learn your lessons and then one day you may decide it is time. As happy as I am with the wife, I do envy my friend who is slowly returning from spending a year travelling the globe!
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Tick tock, biological clock.
 
AHarvey said:
im 29, been with the missus since we were 15, married 1.5 years and have a mortgage for 3-4 years now.

She now wants kids, that to me is settling down and I don't want to do it. Responsibility, cost and routine, how boring.

Having a mortgage is a tie down too, but we can sell the house, you can't sell your kids, well, not unless you live in Africa and Madonna is about.

I feel like I am too young, the wife feels she is getting too old. Only you can decide when to settle, no one else, live your life, learn your lessons and then one day you may decide it is time. As happy as I am with the wife, I do envy my friend who is slowly returning from spending a year travelling the globe!
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You didn't talk about your completely opposing views before buying a house or getting married? Doesn't this seem like a pretty big deal breaker to one or both of you? I'm not having a pop, I'm genuinely interested.
 
AHarvey said:
im 29, been with the missus since we were 15, married 1.5 years and have a mortgage for 3-4 years now.

She now wants kids, that to me is settling down and I don't want to do it. Responsibility, cost and routine, how boring.

Having a mortgage is a tie down too, but we can sell the house, you can't sell your kids, well, not unless you live in Africa and Madonna is about.

I feel like I am too young, the wife feels she is getting too old. Only you can decide when to settle, no one else, live your life, learn your lessons and then one day you may decide it is time. As happy as I am with the wife, I do envy my friend who is slowly returning from spending a year travelling the globe!
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Theres nothing harder than being a parent, a good parent. I hated babies and toddlers but as soon as my boy came along its been excellant. But if you enjoy free time say good by to it. You'll value every second you have on your hobbies. Also how good is your support network ie Would your parents look after the kid when you work etc.
 
Doubt I'll ever "settle down", definately not the having kids thing! Make your own path, it's not everyones goal or desire to have a family.
 
-Tauren- said:
im 24, have 2 kids, and a 3 bedroom house with a mortgage. :p
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Ouch!

lemonkettaz said:
I've lived with a uni friend for 3year and she has been with her lad for 2 year now..

They have just moved in together!

He had ambitions of doing a masters this year down south....

Now he is working at a shop to pay for rent while she finishes her course.

This is what relationships do to you... RUIN your LIFE
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I got married when I was 25, I had plans on resuming my Education at 24 but only in 3 weeks from now will that begin. She lived in another country and there was other priorities. Things can work out if you put some effort into the relationship.

[FnG]magnolia;17140427 said:
You didn't talk about your completely opposing views before buying a house or getting married? Doesn't this seem like a pretty big deal breaker to one or both of you? I'm not having a pop, I'm genuinely interested.
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Sound advice tbh, I know my wife certainly wants kids etc. She understands I want to move abroad and finish my education first.
 
I think you know when it's right for you don't you? I was and still am sure that my ex is the right man for me- he's the only person I could see my future with, but he isn't so sure, so here we are..

I don't think there's any set age for people to get married, settle down etc- I know couples who are young (22/23) and getting engaged, and couples who didn't marry and start having children till they were in their 40s and both are happy, so I guess it just means it was the right time for them.
 
I'd have happily settle down after uni (22, now) but that relationship failed :(

My point is there isn't a correct time to settle down, you should just know when you're ready to settle down.
 
On one hand I wouldnt mind to be settled down and thinking about having kids (but then I am nearly 31 :eek: ) I couldn't afford a mortgage on my own, and i'm kinda crap at relationships, so when you make the decision to go into either a mortgage or having kids with someone it kinda means either a lot of hassle to get out of if it goes wrong, or a lifetime attached to someone (even if you broke up) because you had kids with them.

I know I want the kids, I just don't think I want the full time relationship that goes with it, although a regular supply of special cuddles would be nice :D

When I was younger I thought i'd be settled down and having kids by about 25 yeah, it just hasnt worked out that way. Its up to the individuals to decide whats best for them, there is no right or wrong answer. I do think when kids come into the equation though, that no matter what you feel about settling down or not, if theres a little person involved, they have to come first from the moment they enter the world.

Me, i'm currently trying to pay off all my debts so I can get out of the parents (again) and then i'll see what happens. My Mum despairs of ever getting me married off (my little sister got married almost 4 months ago and has a mortgage and is planning babies) she even talked about arranging a marriage for me. :p My main focus now is getting debt free, and then I will see where life takes me, if a man comes along in the meantime fair enough, but I don't pin all my hopes on it, or see it as "where I need to be" :)
 
I'm 33 and I'm not sure if I ever will or ever will want to settle down. I've been in a relationship for 5 years and for the last few months it hasn't been going very well and to be honest if we split up I'd probably just think 'meh'.

I bought our house and most of the stuff in it and I'd be able to support myself, the only thing I'm worried about if we split up is how do we decide who gets our 2nd dog (I'd keep our 1st one, thats is certain) and how would I make things work in giving him/them a decent life while I'm at work during the day.
 
I'm 26 and have no intention of settling down within my 20 or having kids. I still think its too young, say the average person lives till their 90 years of age, at the age of about 22 you have only lived 25% of your life. There is still PLENTY of time left to settle down.
At the moment I have a good job, my own car, buying my house next year and still manage to party/go out every week and meet various people. I hate to get settle down right now and have all of that taken away from me as there are still plenty of things to do and learn about living life.
As knip said, once you made a decision to settle down, moving in together etc with someone and things go wrong then its a lot of hassle to get out. If kids are involved too then it makes it harder.
Some of my friends are going through separations/break up etc now and struggle to even go the local pub for a pint due to debt and settling down in their 20's(some even in their teens). Now they wish they waited just that bit longer and lived life about more.
 
malachi said:
I'm 26 and have no intention of settling down within my 20 or having kids. I still think its too young, say the average person lives till their 90 years of age, at the age of about 22 you have only lived 25% of your life. There is still PLENTY of time left to settle down.
At the moment I have a good job, my own car, buying my house next year and still manage to party/go out every week and meet various people. I hate to get settle down right now and have all of that taken away from me as there are still plenty of things to do and learn about living life.
As knip said, once you made a decision to settle down, moving in together etc with someone and things go wrong then its a lot of hassle to get out. If kids are involved too then it makes it harder.
Some of my friends are going through separations/break up etc now and struggle to even go the local pub for a pint due to debt and settling down in their 20's(some even in their teens). Now they wish they waited just that bit longer and lived life about more.
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The problem with leaving it later is that fertility in women starts to plummet after 30, plus it's nice to not be too old when you have grandkids.
 
It depends on your situation and it depends on you. There's no hard and fast rule.

IMO, mid 20s you have still a lot of your life to live and experience and personally I'd resent settling down.

However, that said, some of my friends have settled down early, and in their 30s are getting on with more adventurous things in their lives but within reason.

Some people are just happy to settle and not go out of their comfort zones.

Although only just out of my 20s I still feel there's lots I can do and feel less restricted - not that being in a relationship is restrictive, and still young enough to change my life direction. Then again I know I have been VERY lucky to have had the opportunities, and taken them, to travel around the world, do things most people would never do, and do/see things a lot of people wouldn't see in a lifetime. To deny someone else that chance I think would be a shame - however as said, some people just like to know that their life will be simple and uncomplicated. Me, I like to fly by the seat of my pants! :D
 
It's not time to make a change,
Just relax, take it easy.
You're still young, that's your fault,
There's so much you have to know.
Find a girl, settle down,
If you want you can marry.
Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy.

I was once like you are now, and I know that it's not easy,
To be calm when you've found something going on.
But take your time, think a lot,
Why, think of everything you've got.
For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not.
 
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