I'm for it chaps.....

[Castiel]

I took a day off so I could do some Christmas Shopping and do this list of things my wife has given me to complete.

Simple stuff like a bit of banking, pay the car tax and a little shopping, also a bit of housework as the cleaner is on holiday this month.

Well, she is due home in around 20 minutes and I have done the sum total of nada, zilch, nothing.

I have spent my entire day chatting about nonsense on the OCuk forums.

So suggestions please, how do I get out of the mess I find myself in.....


(not for the first time, I might add)

 

[neil3k]

RIP brother

 

[Andelusion]

Well, you can start by getting off the forums.

 

[Brian8bit]

Feign a heart attack.

 

[Lysander]

Throw yourself down the stairs and say it happened at 9am.

 

[D1ngd0ng]

Don't be there when she returns, roll up about midnight stinking of ale.

 

[_Jimlad_]

head down the shops now fool! most places will be open for a good few hours, run the hoover around and leave it out, hide any other mess and complete in the morning.

 

[Brian8bit]

Don't be there when she returns, roll up about midnight stinking of ale.

I lol'd.

 

[Kerplunk]

You can do all that online, no?

Bar the cleaning

 

[aix0]

Throw yourself down the stairs and say it happened at 9am.

Genius! An actual LOL from me, which is very rare.

 

[Skidder]

I would deflect her attention away from your lazy day. Make sure that as she enters you are masturbating furiously to some really gonzo pron, hey presto, she will instantly forget you not achieving anything.

 

[randal]

She's gonna bum you into the ground.

Unless you do it to her first.

 

[Morba]

as soon as she comes through the door, jump on her for sexy time. get very active, knocking things over, throwing cushions on the floor.

afterwards, mention that it was all nice and tidy before she got home, then put the tv on and say 'merry christmas'.

sorted.

 

[4p]

Throw yourself down the stairs and say it happened at 9am.

lmfao

 

[Castiel]

Well, you can start by getting off the forums.

I got 17 minutes or so yet....

 

[Castiel]

Don't be there when she returns, roll up about midnight stinking of ale.

I've done that in the past. Needless to say it didn't have the required effect.

head down the shops now fool! most places will be open for a good few hours, run the hoover around and leave it out, hide any other mess and complete in the morning.

I can't be asked, besides I was supposed to be done by the time she got home. I might sabotage the car and say I could go anywhere.

as soon as she comes through the door, jump on her for sexy time. get very active, knocking things over, throwing cushions on the floor.

afterwards, mention that it was all nice and tidy before she got home, then put the tv on and say 'merry christmas'.

sorted.

Genius....

 

[radderfire]

Get off the forum and start on the housework NOW ... no time like the present.

Rgds

 

[gettothechopper]

turn mains off at the fuse box in about 16 mins and claim the powers been off all day and that its too dark to see / find car keys / have a shower / use the hoover

 

[Greenlizard0]

Hire a prostitute and get her to come round.

Don't do anything (unless you're quicker than 17 minutes) and make sure she's just sitting there. Tell your wife the relationship is over.

That will instantly make her not care about the banking and cleaning ****.

 

[martynbez]

as soon as she comes through the door, jump on her for sexy time. get very active, knocking things over, throwing cushions on the floor.

afterwards, mention that it was all nice and tidy before she got home, then put the tv on and say 'merry christmas'.

sorted.

That does work!