i remember this prob with my ex wife, it just came out of nowhere really, she just totally changed i guess all the resentment( women never forget the things you say, etc) just built up, and that was it, still thats life.
Le relationship thread (keeping it short)
- Thread starter regulus
- Start date
Remeber tbat simpsons episode where marge and homer had sex in as many exciting places to try and revive marriage? Why not try that?
Personally, i would call her friend and ask to talk RIGHT NOW maybe shell no what the problem is.
Personally, i would call her friend and ask to talk RIGHT NOW maybe shell no what the problem is.
Or maybe men need to make sure that just because they think the subject is closed, that their good lady is of the same opinion
Then it is the own woman's fault for not resolving the issues at the time, bringing them up later to use as ammunition is unacceptable.
I used to be the sort who would apologise and grovel to appease a woman's needs/wants, however, there is a line which I eventually realised that shouldn't be crossed - and a woman will step all over that line if you let them, while making sure you don't go near theirs. I make that line very clear when I'm with someone nowadays, so that they know, if they cross that line, then they'll have to deal with the consequences (no, not violence.).
Been in a similar situation.. ended up going on a break and getting back together mainly because i was so gutted, i don't think things have been the same since mainly because there was so much unsaid (like you i suspected she was up to stuff on a night out) and the next thing we are back together and i am happy just for that fact.
Things have been particularly bad in the last 2 months, she started a new job which used all of her time up and the relationship quickly was put on a back seat.
Turns out one night she had been out with drinks with friends from work and after she had met a guy she met the week we were broken up, i know she kissed him that week on "our break" but she doesn't know i know, she admitted where she had been that night to me, and later on when i pressed further admitted when she had met him, which also i knew but she doesn't know i know and that they are just friends. To put this into context really the whole break up week (which has hardly been discussed) has been dragged up 6 months later...
Quite how i was expected to feel about that i don't know, in one sense its pretty honest of her, on the other its just ridiculous.
Earlier this week i was about ready to call it a day because i was so cheesed off with everything, then she got fired.. so we ended up spending this weekend together, she has been loads better but something is just wrong.
Things have been particularly bad in the last 2 months, she started a new job which used all of her time up and the relationship quickly was put on a back seat.
Turns out one night she had been out with drinks with friends from work and after she had met a guy she met the week we were broken up, i know she kissed him that week on "our break" but she doesn't know i know, she admitted where she had been that night to me, and later on when i pressed further admitted when she had met him, which also i knew but she doesn't know i know and that they are just friends. To put this into context really the whole break up week (which has hardly been discussed) has been dragged up 6 months later...
Quite how i was expected to feel about that i don't know, in one sense its pretty honest of her, on the other its just ridiculous.
Earlier this week i was about ready to call it a day because i was so cheesed off with everything, then she got fired.. so we ended up spending this weekend together, she has been loads better but something is just wrong.
Soldato
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Because maybe you thought they were resolved, but she didn't, otherwise she wouldn't be bringing it up.
Entirely daft comment, if the woman doesnt think its resolved but the couple have stopped talking about it, the responsibility is on her to say its not resolved, if she doesnt then thats her stupidity and her loss.
Attitudes and stupidness like this get on my goat.
TBH I suspect she's either trying to justify her actions and has already done the dirty or partially there and is trying to justify it to herself. i'd also say that once a relationship has got to this stage yes, you can talk to her but I doubt she's got any real intention of staying. Her mate is poison and is stirring this all up. TBh if I were you, have it out with her, if she shows zero interest in making it work, start sorting your finances out and tell her to GTFO and move on, BUT, don't descend to her level,. remain calm and composed, even if you're completely cut up inside as this will infuriate her. She'll soon find out the grass may be greener for a few weeks but you'll be better off. As has been said, rise above it and sort something out for yourself after she's gone. new car, aim for that promotion or new job with more pay etc.
Well, when i say 'GTFO' i mean 'I think it's time we split up, you're obviously not interested in making this work so i think it's best that you move on to whoever it may be that's caught your eye you no good, two timing, ungrateful, ignorant trollop'. But remain calm too.. 
She's looking for things to hit you with. That's why she's dragging stuff up from years ago. It doesn't matter whether or not she's decided those things has been resolved or whether or not they have any relevance to the present - they are simply things to hit you with.
The question is why she wanted to have a go at you in the first place and I don't see any answers that aren't bad. It could be guilt on her part because she's got off with someone. It could be that she's decided that being single is more fun and whatever is wrong in her life is your fault. Or both. At best, something is wrong in your relationship and she didn't bother telling you about it, probably because she thought you should magically know what she's thinking even when she doesn't. Which is a bad sign in itself.
She's already told you straight out that there's no point even talking. So she's left you already. Does it matter why?
It's all more trouble than it's worth, in my opinion. Sure, it works out well for some people, but the odds suck and it's too much of a risk.
The question is why she wanted to have a go at you in the first place and I don't see any answers that aren't bad. It could be guilt on her part because she's got off with someone. It could be that she's decided that being single is more fun and whatever is wrong in her life is your fault. Or both. At best, something is wrong in your relationship and she didn't bother telling you about it, probably because she thought you should magically know what she's thinking even when she doesn't. Which is a bad sign in itself.
She's already told you straight out that there's no point even talking. So she's left you already. Does it matter why?
It's all more trouble than it's worth, in my opinion. Sure, it works out well for some people, but the odds suck and it's too much of a risk.
Less than 5 minutes ago me and my girlfriend of 3 and a half years just split. I wouldn't put this feeling on anyone but to reiterate some of the major points here put across by others, women truly are strange creatures.
3 years and not one single argument, bliss in its entirety. Some may express it wouldn't be healthy not to argue, but for us it worked and thats all that mattered. However, as of tonight I discovered I really didn't know the woman I had loved for the last 3 years. Ever since finishing her degree she had become distant and uninvolved in the relationship. I expected it to be bad, just simply because she took 5 months to find a job due to the situation with the market. I supported her, helped her through it (borderline depression) and even asked her to move in with me so she could live in the same city when she got her job. It certainly wasn't easy. You really don't know someone until you live with them, all the small things were big things, not to mention not liking my flat mate. One thing led to another and she began really disliking the place. She often spent hours away on an evening with friends from work, not turning up until 2or 5am. Obviously alarm bells rang in my mind and I needed to fix it. This is where I learnt that however hard you try sometimes, its just never enough.
I always knew she didn't have many close friends, and had made two very good ones from work. No offense but two people who didn't know their elbow from their a***. Obviously having issues at home, she expressed her distress to her friends, a guy and a girl. Tonight I found out that this guy had "been there for when when she needed it" and I also found out she had feelings for him, to some respect. Kick in the balls is all I can say. It had to end there, there was no coming back from this, especially as this was the second time this had happened.
Oh and during the last few months, most people hit nail on the head, she emotionally moved away from the relationship, and dropped the bad news on me 4 weeks ago. I tried everything (I now don't regret not trying). Worst part, she does want our relationship to work apparently but she needs time to "grow and become independent as shes always relied on me". Apparently still loves me and doesn't want to loose me but I cant see myself moving past the guy situation at work, as she would refuse to drop him as a friend to make our relationship work.
Crazy, absolutely crazy. One day we have the most amazing relationship, the next nothing is right. Its still hard to explain it all as a lot still goes unanswered, and emotions are quite high at the moment. I just realised, sometimes no matter how hard you try, sometimes things aren't meant to be and relationships don't always necessarily work from some of the most random reasons known to man. Anyway chin up to everyone including myself, things can only get better!
3 years and not one single argument, bliss in its entirety. Some may express it wouldn't be healthy not to argue, but for us it worked and thats all that mattered. However, as of tonight I discovered I really didn't know the woman I had loved for the last 3 years. Ever since finishing her degree she had become distant and uninvolved in the relationship. I expected it to be bad, just simply because she took 5 months to find a job due to the situation with the market. I supported her, helped her through it (borderline depression) and even asked her to move in with me so she could live in the same city when she got her job. It certainly wasn't easy. You really don't know someone until you live with them, all the small things were big things, not to mention not liking my flat mate. One thing led to another and she began really disliking the place. She often spent hours away on an evening with friends from work, not turning up until 2or 5am. Obviously alarm bells rang in my mind and I needed to fix it. This is where I learnt that however hard you try sometimes, its just never enough.
I always knew she didn't have many close friends, and had made two very good ones from work. No offense but two people who didn't know their elbow from their a***. Obviously having issues at home, she expressed her distress to her friends, a guy and a girl. Tonight I found out that this guy had "been there for when when she needed it" and I also found out she had feelings for him, to some respect. Kick in the balls is all I can say. It had to end there, there was no coming back from this, especially as this was the second time this had happened.
Oh and during the last few months, most people hit nail on the head, she emotionally moved away from the relationship, and dropped the bad news on me 4 weeks ago. I tried everything (I now don't regret not trying). Worst part, she does want our relationship to work apparently but she needs time to "grow and become independent as shes always relied on me". Apparently still loves me and doesn't want to loose me but I cant see myself moving past the guy situation at work, as she would refuse to drop him as a friend to make our relationship work.
Crazy, absolutely crazy. One day we have the most amazing relationship, the next nothing is right. Its still hard to explain it all as a lot still goes unanswered, and emotions are quite high at the moment. I just realised, sometimes no matter how hard you try, sometimes things aren't meant to be and relationships don't always necessarily work from some of the most random reasons known to man. Anyway chin up to everyone including myself, things can only get better!
Woman are snakes with big teeth lol
Or as one of my mates likes to say, 'snakes with ****' lol
Looking at these types of threads over the years, having it happen to me a few times, and also hearing stories from my females friends, it looks like generally:
People who get screwed over at the start of relationships tend to be female by idiot men.
People who get screwed over later, in a longer-term relationship tend to be male by indecisive women.
Soldato
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The same thing happened to me with my wife as the op, we had been together 14 years at the time, her mate was seperated from her husband and she started going out with him, within 3 months of this, she was no longer happy with me and we seperated.
We did get back together for a couple of years but I should have left it at that when we did split the first time, the same thing re occured.
I said the same things about my wife that you did about your girlfriend op, that you wouldnt ever want to lose her, that she meant everything to me, actually, a few years on from it happening and it was the best thing that ever happened to me, I had some fun then I met a girl who was 10x the girl my wife was, better in every way, so dont be too down if its all done and dusted, you will feel terrible for a while, then you will get over it.
We did get back together for a couple of years but I should have left it at that when we did split the first time, the same thing re occured.
I said the same things about my wife that you did about your girlfriend op, that you wouldnt ever want to lose her, that she meant everything to me, actually, a few years on from it happening and it was the best thing that ever happened to me, I had some fun then I met a girl who was 10x the girl my wife was, better in every way, so dont be too down if its all done and dusted, you will feel terrible for a while, then you will get over it.
Soldato
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What is with women bringing stuff from the past up. Now I've heard from a few women in this thread but I still don't get it.
If it isn't resolved at the time then don't drop it until it is. Using it as "ammunition" for future arguments is not clever.
If it isn't resolved at the time then don't drop it until it is. Using it as "ammunition" for future arguments is not clever.
This is very typical of women - what she is actually saying here is "I want to try and move on but can I keep hold of you just in case it doesn't work out for me?"
Selfish bint needs kicking to the kerb - good on you for having the smarts to call it off first!