Advice

nukemdukem · 11 Feb 2011 at 15:16

Hi all,
I have been in a relationship for 9 months with a great girl from canada. But for the last couple of months we have been having some big arguments. She is not seeing anyone else, and neither am i, its just when we argue i cant calm her down - its as though i make her more angry by the things i say.

I know that she loves me a lot but she analyses everything because she is scared of making a big mistake in choosing the wrong person. So we split up a couple of days ago, but still talking and seeing each other as friends.

Now she is moving back to canada in 4 weeks and i dont know what to do - i could move to canada with my job if needed. How do i approach this situation, do i try and convince her to give it another go or let her go?

There is no chance she can stay in england as she has handed in her notice, so if we are to give it another go i need to move to canada.

I'm stuck on what to do next...

Greenlizard0 · 11 Feb 2011 at 15:17

9 months isn't that long. A move to Canada's a pretty big thing to do.

pooey · 11 Feb 2011 at 15:18

She sounds quite insecure about he relationship, if its like that after 9 months can you see things getting better or worse over time

Sp00n · 11 Feb 2011 at 15:18

That's a pretty huge decision to make after only 9 month and when it seems to rocky, I would concentrate on sorting the relationship out BEFORE making any rash decisions like that.

boxman2000 · 11 Feb 2011 at 15:20

If it's meant to be mate you'll keep in touch at a distance and it will work out.

Trust me, paranoia and insecurities in a relationship rarely get better, even with a ring on your fingers!

If you can put up with that for the rest of your life then go for it, if not then just have an honest chat with her and try and work through it.

nukemdukem · 11 Feb 2011 at 15:21

one thing i should add is that 2 months into the relationship i sent another girl a text message asking her on a date, it was a stupid thing to do and i never went on a date or did anything, but unfortunately she saw the text msg a couple of weeks later and was devastated. I think this is always in the back of her mind too.

booyaka · 11 Feb 2011 at 15:23

moving to another country seems a massive risk if you are not in a "solid" relationship.
what happens if you get there and after a month it all ends??

Personally if you don't know what to do now - you obviously have doubts about it - i would let it go/her go and get on with things here.

AJK · 11 Feb 2011 at 15:24

nukemdukem said:
one thing i should add is that 2 months into the relationship i sent another girl a text message asking her on a date, it was a stupid thing to do and i never went on a date or did anything, but unfortunately she saw the text msg a couple of weeks later and was devastated. I think this is always in the back of her mind too.

I see why she's worried about choosing the wrong person, to be honest!!! Let her go and find someone else.

Toxic Babyface · 11 Feb 2011 at 15:24

Hmm not good mate. I hope I am wrong but I can't see this really working out. Moving out there this soon is just a bad idea in my opinion.

Sp00n · 11 Feb 2011 at 15:25

How old are you?

Gamefreak501 · 11 Feb 2011 at 15:25

I think a move to Canada would be the wrong decision to make if the cracks are already showing.

All the best.

nukemdukem · 11 Feb 2011 at 15:27

i'm 29, the problem is sometimes she makes me so happy - shes a very kind hearted loving person and i've never known anyone that has loved me so much - alarm bells ring in my head about the arguments, but then also alarm bells ring not to let someone go who obviously loves me immensly...

Gamefreak501 · 11 Feb 2011 at 15:30

Best thing to do, have a good chat, find out what you both want.

All the best.

monster_munch · 11 Feb 2011 at 15:30

This thread is bare jokez.

Isn't it obvious what you should do ?

It's a big enough decision to move country to follow somebody you love in a strong relationship but this?

Plenty more fish in the sea... If you're into fish that is...

nukemdukem · 11 Feb 2011 at 15:35

its difficult to choose to follow your head or your heart....

Snooble · 11 Feb 2011 at 15:38

Focus on yourself bro. Things change very quickly - even if sometimes you wouldn't like them to.

krooton · 11 Feb 2011 at 15:39

nukemdukem said:
i'm 29, the problem is sometimes she makes me so happy - shes a very kind hearted loving person and i've never known anyone that has loved me so much - alarm bells ring in my head about the arguments, but then also alarm bells ring not to let someone go who obviously loves me immensly...

So there's plenty of her loving you, but no mention (not even in the OP) of you loving her.

Sounds like you are more worried about losing some that loves you, rather than actually loving her back.

Don't make the move.

Pestilence · 11 Feb 2011 at 16:00

1. Move to Canada.
2. Get married.
3. Get citizenship.
4. Get divorced.
5. Profit.

Parsifal · 11 Feb 2011 at 17:22

krooton said:
So there's plenty of her loving you, but no mention (not even in the OP) of you loving her.

Sounds like you are more worried about losing some that loves you, rather than actually loving her back.

Don't make the move.

Very good advice.

ntg · 11 Feb 2011 at 17:23

Err am I the only one seeing something different? Her behaviour changing near the time she is about to go back to her country sounds to me like a polite way to break up and end it.

I am probably wrong though.