Suicide - why?

[wozzizname]

Depression can affect us in different ways - there's the more commonly understood form where the sufferer feels that life is so bad that they want out of it, but it can also take the form where there's nothing apparently wrong but still life seems somehow meaningless and no longer worth living. In these cases there might not be an identifiable reason why someone takes their own life.

 

[Yaayuh!]

There's always a reason. Be it psychological issues or drugs, there is always a reason. Depression is a main one, and as already said, you may never know.

 

[Alex53]

To many, life is ultimately meaningless. To some, that affects their will to live. I don't think you have to be medically depressed to come to those conclusions. I fully understand why someone might decide to end it, and I fully respect their right to do so.

The only part I struggle with is how someone can do it without making the slightest effort to minimise the pain of his family. Same as I respect people's right to end their own lives, I think you have some level of responsibility not to inflict such pain on the ones you leave behind.

 

[FragnaticDeath]

4 and a half years ago, whilst in the army I woke up at 11 o'clock in the night. I had guard duty from 12-2 but woke up due to the noise. A fellow soldier in the same camp as us, but belonging to the unit next to us, had shot himself below the chin with the bullet going into and out of his skull.

We found out he was a straight-A student, scholarship to uni after his service, karate national champion, with a girlfriend.

Everybody was confused as to why he would commit suicide. The only thing was 2 minutes before he did it, whilst casually texting his girlfriend, his last message was "I can't take it anymore". An unopened message was found onhis mobile from his girlfriend, saying "don't do anything stupid".

Turns out he couldn't stand the pressure, but he didn't tell anyone anything, he didn't show anyone anything.

I believe, having no one to talk to is a big reason for these things. I don't mean he didn't have anyone to talk to, just that he wasn't so open-hearted as to trust his feelings to his fellow humans.

Whatever the case, it is wrong, because it affects everyone else around you.

I'm deeply sorry for your loss, but the best thing to do, is to stop asking why or any other question you might put as a burden upon you.

Yeah I remember this one! I actually heard the shot myself also from another camp nearby. Sad nonetheless

 

[Von Smallhausen]

I remember going to a job where neighbours voiced concern for a bloke next door and he'd hung himself from the upstairs bannister. On searching the house he had a shrine to his late wife upstairs and it remains one of the saddest incidents I've had to attend. Me and a colleague had to get him dows once the FME, CID and CSI had been and were satisfied it wasnt suspicious. The word why went through my mind more times than I care to remember.

Another was a teenager who jumped from a bridge, I guess because he couldn't cope and maybe couldn't talk to anyone and I was first on scene. I will never forget that for the rest of my life and truth be told I toyed with a referral to welfare with that one but I coped with it in my own way.

My point is that these were two people I didn't know so the impact when it's family or friends must be devastating. I will respect your wishes on condolences dimple.

 

[Deific]

I've known too many suicides, in a 2 year span at the factory I worked at we had 13 suicides but in all cases there was a reason for it - gambling, drinking, wife leaving, drugs and so on.

13 suicides in 2 years, at one factory?

What kind of working conditions were those?

 

[naefeart]

When someone takes their own life, people always focus on how well they were doing in life and how they had everything to live for. I obviously understand this, but the same people often overlook the struggle and hard work taken to achieve those things. The constant pressure to maintain that position, often with others depending on that person to do so.

Sometimes it all pales into insignificance when the pressure becomes too much and you just want out.

Those that are left behind feel hurt, or that they should have picked up on the signs and intervened. Looking for answers to make the pain easier to deal with... ironically the person who took their own life often believing it will make things better for everyone concerned.

 

[trickycurve]

I knew a guy from college who committed suicide just over two years ago. Even though he was a fairly shy fellow, he always seemed quite chirpy and was really into a number of hobbies. However, it was coming to the end of our course and he hadn't really done that great (he was an intelligent guy, but lazy as anything and so never handed in any assignments). Although no-one I ask ever seems to know the answer, I just assumed he thought his life was over due to having not passed the course and subsequently holding no useful qualifications to get further in life. He applied to University and went on several open days (I even bumped into him on one), but he obviously wouldn't have been accepted.

My girlfriend also used to -- and possibly still does in some way -- suffer from depression and even went as far as seeing a psychiatrist and being prescribed anti-depressants. She cut herself from time to time and tells me that she occasionally thought about suicide, but I don't know whether she'd actually have the capacity to go through with it (I certainly hope not). Anyway, since I arrived on the scene, she's become progressively better and now she doesn't cut herself and is completely off medication and seeing a shrink (for about a year-and-a-half now).

 

[Things change I've changed]

Went through depression with serious thought of ending it years ago

When it was really bad I tried talking to my mum
My step dad said.. Stop worrying your mother like that.. I remember those words clear as day and never mentioned it again. I was made to feel like I was hassling people with it. I don't like feeling like that so dealt with it myself. Maybe he felt the same.. Don't want to be a burden

I'm ok now, and a better and happier person for having ot

My extended family is just the same, they did everything and anything not to 'upset mother', there was long term sexual abuse going on and when a 'certain' person found out it wasn't mentioned because of the upset it would cause, I hate my extended family because of this.

 

[^TANK^]

I'm not ashamed to admit I used to for a very long time have dark thoughts about taking my own life and many other peoples lifes come to think of it. I attempted hanging myself once and nearly succeeded falling unconscious during the act, minutes later I came round in the back of an ambulance. These days though I have a lot more to live for and generally a much happier more confidant person, but of course I have the occasional blip but thats life.

 

[^TANK^]

Went through depression with serious thought of ending it years ago

When it was really bad I tried talking to my mum
My step dad said.. Stop worrying your mother like that.. I rember those words clear as day and never mentioned it again. I was made to feel like I was hassling people with it. I don'tlike ffeeling like that so dealt with it myself. Maybe he felt the same.. Don't want to be a burden

I'm ok now, and a better and happier person for having ot

Should have told your step father to **** off and mind his own business.

Glad you're happier nowadays!

 

[Katsumoto]

Few years ago the thought did cross my mind, never acted on it though.

I'm someone who keeps myself to myself generally but for me I got a really weird thought process. I'd do things just because it'd pass the time, not enjoy it. I'd think, what's the point of life? I don't do anything anyway, and after education I'll likely have to work for X years just so I can have a mundane retirement. I felt detached from my friends and family even though they were there.

Nobody knew, or knows that I went through that. If I did go ahead and kick my own bucket it'd have been as much a mystery as what you had OP. What kept me going was the thought that i'd put the people around me through a lot of pain for no good reason. That's always kept me going.

 

[Randomface74]

One of my college mates suicided a few months into uni - apparently he was doing fine and had a gf etc. He was into philosophy, we'd be discussing something weird on a fairly regular basis. We settled on it being genetic (his dad) and nobody could have known. It ruined his family for years though, guess he didn't think about that.

 

[Kemik]

As many people have said before me, the reasons why he done it will only be known to himself. Something will have been building up inside for a long period of time until the final straw pushed him over the edge. There might have been hints, there might not. Some people don't tell others because they feel they have to take on other peoples problems and not give them others to add to their own.

 

[HankScorpio]

Would never leave my body hanging for my family to find when they get home. That's a ****ing disgrace. I've always thought about topping myself in a hospital so that they can get my organs out to someone who needs them asap.

 

[Windle]

I went on a Samaritans course for Managing Suicidal Contacts. It's targetted at the rail industry and what to do if you encounter a potentially suicidal person on the railway. It was a bit of an eye opener to be honest, very useful course as it covered a lot on emotional health and why people commit suicide. The samaritans use a simple scale to illustrate how people are affected, it's called the emotional health scale and everybody fits in it somewhere.

If you're in a good place in your life you'll be up near the top of the scale, you might get knocked down every once in a while when something happens and your emotional health dips but you'll typically pull yourself back up and be floating about the top. At the other end are people presumably like your nephew, they might be depressed and thus their emotional health is very low and they bob about at the bottom of the scale. They might get the odd rise when something postive happens but the flip side is when they take a knock, because they are already so low on the scale it affects them a lot more. The trainer that did the course was a Samaritans counsellor who also worked the phones and he had some extreme examples of this, people phoning up because they had burnt their toast and that event as insignificant as it seemed pushed them over the edge and they wanted to end it all. If your nephew was depressed, perhaps after the accident, his emotional health would have been very poor. The trigger might have been absolutely nothing to most people but if he was in a bad place it might well have been the final straw.

Once somebody has decided to commit suicide, they will try and do it as soon as possible whilst they are in that bad place. We were told that typically if you can keep talking to someone for the "golden hour", that short a time is normally enough to bring them slightly above the tipping point and their will to commit suicide will be over.

Unfortunately in the rail industry, the other impact of suicide is often forgotten. If somebody jumps in front of a train, for something like 75-80% of the drivers it's a career ending event. They just can't go back to it after hitting someone.

 

[SexyGreyFox]

What a horrible morning.
His wife has been round with 100s of pictures which we are printing out and compiling onto a DVD.
There are pictures of him from 12 hours before the incident with his mates and he doesn't look like he's got a care in the world.
It's as though a switch was suddenly turned on.

Would never leave my body hanging for my family to find when they get home. That's a ****ing disgrace.

His brother thought the same thing.
When you're in that dark place nothing else matters and no thoughts about anybody else would crop up.
All you think of is the world will be better without you.

 

[Judgeneo]

Over the years I've had several friends on the brink of suicide, but we've managed to keep them from doing so and eventually they've improved their mental states. Its only after going through my own state of depression that I've come to even slightly understand what they were going through.

The courses of their depressions vary enormously and two of them wouldn't have left notes either.

 

[uksoldierboy]

Suicide is for pussies...

I'd very much like to rip your throat out.
I've lost many friends to suicide over the years, most of them ex soldiers, Not one of them were what you'd call a "pussy", blokes that had done numerous tours of both Iraq and afghan.
For the most part, we never really found out why they did it, we can only assume that they were suffering from PTSD.
Like most soldiers, none actually showed or spoke of their problems to anyone, not even the closest of friends.
Dimple i know you said not to but i feel it would be wrong if i didn't.
My deepest condolences to you and your family.

 

[prashantnew]

The harsh truth is, you'll probably never know why. Just like the profound swan post earlier, people are amazing at hiding inner turmoil.

Speaking as a member of the healthcare team, I've seen suicide, I've seen those with mental health problems, so to the person who said suicide is for pussies, what an ignorant piece of crap. You don't know the illnesses inside someones head, illnesses you can't see, voices that are constantly abusing them, the feeling of worthlessness and helplessness. Your post has really annoyed me.