Mates ex girlfriend

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Balddog said:
i wonder if you'd have felt the same if he had just gone ahead and started dating her and it got the point of kissing...

i dunno...if the guy had asked in advance then it might be different....but letting it get so far before telling the friend? hmm..




and for me, its the 6 year thing...after 6 years, she knows every last thing about him..every personal thought or moment, every embarrassing secret...having her telling my mate about all our personal stuff, that is more dodgy that the actual relationship to me :o and it will be talked about.....as will his performance and membership size.
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why should he ask? is he her dad? is he asking for her hand in marriage ?

he has no possession or control over who she sees or what she does
 
arknor said:
why should he ask? is he her dad? is he asking for her hand in marriage ?

he has no possession or control over who she sees or what she does
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No but it's his mate, if any of my mates got with someone I'd been with for 6 years I'd feel sick.

I couldn't cope with it, having to see her all the time. Knowing she is getting smashed by your best (close) mate. It's just not a done thing.

If it was his ex-wife would it make a difference?
 
if one of my mates wanted to date my ex wife of 10 years (technically were still married) i would let them aslong as they dont mess her about.

who am i to get in the way of my ex's happiness ?
 
Date the girl? No problem.

Start dating without talking to friend first? No respect for his feelings.

What you've done wrong isn't dating the girl, it's talking to your mate after the fact. Flat out wrong and all to do with respect for another person who is a "friend".
 
arknor said:
why should he ask? is he her dad? is he asking for her hand in marriage ?

he has no possession or control over who she sees or what she does
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its about having respect for your friends. its not even about her, its about the two friends.

plus its simple common courtesy and good manners.
 
Go for it mate, it's not such a big deal. Lots of people have a problem with it, but I can't really see why. Obviously don't rub it in his face by being together in front of him all the time etc.

Balddog said:
and for me, its the 6 year thing...after 6 years, she knows every last thing about him..every personal thought or moment, every embarrassing secret...having her telling my mate about all our personal stuff, that is more dodgy that the actual relationship to me :o and it will be talked about.....as will his performance and membership size.
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I have honestly never talked about, or wanted to talk about the performance and 'membership' size of the exes of any woman I've been with, but to each their own I guess.
 
R.P.L said:
I have honestly never talked about, or wanted to talk about the performance and 'membership' size of the exes of any woman I've been with, but to each their own I guess.
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Can you say the same for your mates? It will obviously be more of an issue because of the relationship between the two guys...moreso than if its simply a stranger.
 
R.P.L said:
I have honestly never talked about, or wanted to talk about the performance and 'membership' size of the exes of any woman I've been with, but to each their own I guess.
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Trust me, woman tell everything about their men and men they have been with to each other.
 
Depends how close you are to said friend.

Is he 'bro-worthy'?

If so, bros before hos, if not, smash it.

I think I might stay clear though personally

kd
 
I'd no longer consider you as one of my friends to be honest.

6 year relationship. You pounce. Don't ask for permission/talk about it.

It'd all be too raw to take and to me would be indicative of longer term feelings from you to her. I'd question your honesty and integrity as a person and as a friend.
 
I honestly don't think you would feel the same way you do now if it was he who was getting friendly with your ex (4yrs) as far as I'm concerned your moral compass is all messed up. Plenty other girls out there who don't come with this hassle, You already lost a friend really so now you might as well continue.

Good god just read the op fully, They have only been split 6months after a 6 year relationship? Dude that's got to be pretty dam raw for your mate still, You just lost a mate and at the chance of being a rebound pretty much, 6 months isn't a long time after being with some one that long.
 
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J-FRO said:
I'd no longer consider you as one of my friends to be honest.

6 year relationship. You pounce. Don't ask for permission/talk about it.

It'd all be too raw to take and to me would be indicative of longer term feelings from you to her. I'd question your honesty and integrity as a person and as a friend.
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another one who sees woman as an object they own
 
1 - plenty of other ladies out there, do you really want the baggage and hassle ?
2 - I used to ask advice from everyone, they all gave good advice but in the end I ignored it all and did what I already knew I wanted to do.
 
arknor said:
another one who sees woman as an object they own
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Its not about possession of the woman. Of course he doesn't own her. The permission being sought is based upon the emotional state of the friend. Is he still emotionally attached etc.

Perhaps you are able to completely and immediately sever all emotional ties when you break up with a girl but not all of us are. Personally I'm happy to have friends that are aware of that sort of thing.
 
arknor said:
another one who sees woman as an object they own
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It's not about ownership of the person, its about emotional attachments. Those emotional attachments you do own because they're unique to yourself.

Just because you've split up with somebody it doesn't mean there isn't an emotional link still present. So asking for permission as to whether it's ok to make a move on this person merely shows respect for your "friends" feelings.

I'd be happier living with knowing that my friend fancied my ex but respected me enough to approach me about it first than knowing my friend fancied my ex and just made a move without consideration about how I felt about her and their potential relationship.
 
Personally, I'd never do that to my mate.

J-FRO said:
It's not about ownership of the person, its about emotional attachments. Those emotional attachments you do own because they're unique to yourself.

Just because you've split up with somebody it doesn't mean there isn't an emotional link still present. So asking for permission as to whether it's ok to make a move on this person merely shows respect for your "friends" feelings.

I'd be happier living with knowing that my friend fancied my ex but respected me enough to approach me about it first than knowing my friend fancied my ex and just made a move without consideration about how I felt about her and their potential relationship.
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This.
 
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