This one's for you, Mason-

If you're going to be in a polyamourous relationship, it needs to be both ways. Your mistake was having one gf (in this particular situation). You got attached to a girl who wasn't attached. Any advice on that is pretty much pointless though, because it's unlikely you'll find another girl who is accepting of the idea.

Get a new bird. Plenty of pasties in the sea. You'll forget all about this chick, I guarantee it.
 
PermaBanned said:
Sometimes it's not a choice, sometimes you just are going to develop feelings for someone while you're in a relationship. Repressing them an not acting on them because you're told that they're wrong has a lot in common with being bi or gay.?
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So someone cheating could use polyamory as an excuse? Being a cheat is wrong and is nothing like being bi or gay.
 
PermaBanned said:
I never expected anybody to understand polyamory. But i will say that it's a lot more complex than you may think. Sometimes it's not a choice, sometimes you just are going to develop feelings for someone while you're in a relationship. Repressing them an not acting on them because you're told that they're wrong has a lot in common with being bi or gay. Sexuality is complicated. And you know, give me one good reason why not?
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Erm, no. No it isn't.
 
PermaBanned said:
Sometimes it's not a choice, sometimes you just are going to develop feelings for someone while you're in a relationship. Repressing them an not acting on them because you're told that they're wrong has a lot in common with being bi or gay. Sexuality is complicated. And you know, give me one good reason why not?
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So why did she choose to jack it in now she's back with her old fella just because it makes him jealous? If it really is akin to sexuality, i.e. you don't get to choose the way you are, how can she turn it on and off at the drop of a hat? If that was the lifestyle that she couldn't choose, she wouldn't have gone back to him because you were giving her that lifestyle of freedom.

I'm not trying to be antagonistic or anything pal, but it just sounds like a load of ******** to me. Maybe I've become cold and cynical over the last couple of years, maybe I'm totally wrong (and hey, I can admit when I am) and maybe I don't have all the facts, but from what I can see it just doesn't look kosher.

Either way and more importantly, I hope you're doing ok and feeling better about it all.
 
Two months? Pfft. Try being dumped by your girlfriend of one and a half years (with no explanation whatsoever) after secretly buying an engagement ring and preparing yourself for a romantic proposal.
 
Sounds like my kind of Gal, Email in Trust. :D

OP - If you fall off the horse you get right back on & ride it like you stole it. :cool:
 
The idea of polyamory is somewhat bewildering to me, but each to their own.

There isn't really anything that we can say to heal your pain; whether you were in a relationship for 2 months or 20 years it will of had an effect on you, but it's over now and you need to move on.

It may be hard to accept but in this instance it seems as though she be a silly ***** and you can do better. There is bound to be someone out there who will make you happy and care about how you feel (or several in your case).

Chin up.
 
I always thought I was a disrespectful, conniving, two timing man whore in my teens and early 20s but now I realise I was just massively polyamourous. Take that 90s haters, I was high minded and liberated not ruled by my bell and a surplus of test.
 
2 months.

Long distance.

Polyamorous set-up in which only one partner is putting it about.

I'd be glad to be out of it to be honest. Sounds like you dodged a bullet.
 
Zero Pope said:
So someone cheating could use polyamory as an excuse? Being a cheat is wrong and is nothing like being bi or gay.
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Well, no, generally it's something you know about before you enter into a relationship with someone. Not too long ago it would be common to hear people say that being gay is wrong. Tell me, exactly, what makes it wrong?

Theophany said:
So why did she choose to jack it in now she's back with her old fella just because it makes him jealous? If it really is akin to sexuality, i.e. you don't get to choose the way you are, how can she turn it on and off at the drop of a hat? If that was the lifestyle that she couldn't choose, she wouldn't have gone back to him because you were giving her that lifestyle of freedom.

I'm not trying to be antagonistic or anything pal, but it just sounds like a load of ******** to me. Maybe I've become cold and cynical over the last couple of years, maybe I'm totally wrong (and hey, I can admit when I am) and maybe I don't have all the facts, but from what I can see it just doesn't look kosher.

Either way and more importantly, I hope you're doing ok and feeling better about it all.
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I get where you're coming from, and i can't adequately explain my point of view. Honestly? She can't just turn it on and off. She had a lot of issues with depression the last time she tried to be mono. But there's nothing i can do about that from here. There's nothing i could say that would make that better. And besides, of course she loves him more. They've known each other for longer, they dated for over a year and were into each other for longer than that. For that i'm jealous of him. He's there, i can't ask her to stay away from him for me when we'd see each other so infrequently.
 
OP, by your own admission you're relatively new to all of this but trust me when I say that you're doing yourself a disservice by overanalysing the situation. The polyamorous part of it is almost irrelevant because she doesn't want to be with you. This is the important bit. It's over and while the cynical would suggest 2 months is barely enough time for it to begin let alone to be over, that's it. Over. The end.

So what you do is you exit stage left and you don't contact her and you get on with your life by being generally awesome (I have read your other threads and you may need guidance with this :p )
 
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