The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Fuzz said:
If you do invite her over I wouldn't even mention the sleeping arrangements, just let her choose! £20 she chooses your bed..
and if you don't bone it like a fish there and then you're a fool. :p :D
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Well the choices at the moment are spare room with no bed and maybe a blanket or a comfy double bed lol.

I just think she thinks its normal for friends to sleep in the same bed.
Not sure i'm comfortable with that though.

Its strange though we have been places together (out for dinner etc) and other people have thought we were a couple. If she is waiting on me making a move then i dunno about that..... i put my arse in the fire a few times when i made a move for her ages ago.. did stupid romantic gestures.... maybe this is her thinking flying out is a romantic gesture on her part.
 
You'll kick yourself if you didn't try..

I'd rather have a burnt arse and know where I stood rather than be left wondering "what if"
 
Didn't think i would actually need advice, but in a weird situation.

Basically split up with my GF of 4 years, she was sending mixed signals about me saying she was confused ect. Now a month later she has a new BF, fair enough people move on. The problem is the fact that are social groups are fairly tight nit, for example my best mates have GFs that are best mates with her. Added to this i am now the only single person in this group, which makes it awkward when we go out as couples all the time.

Think i am in a bit rut no idea what to do. Apologize if this doesn't make sense.
 
Nelson Santos said:
Didn't think i would actually need advice, but in a weird situation.

Basically split up with my GF of 4 years, she was sending mixed signals about me saying she was confused ect. Now a month later she has a new BF, fair enough people move on. The problem is the fact that are social groups are fairly tight nit, for example my best mates have GFs that are best mates with her. Added to this i am now the only single person in this group, which makes it awkward when we go out as couples all the time.

Think i am in a bit rut no idea what to do. Apologize if this doesn't make sense.
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I have 2 friends who have just split up, after 4 (kind of, because the first years were just 'kids play' so to speak) years together (we are all 18 :eek:) and needless to say, we are all in the same social group (8 people in all).

Now here is where it is similar to yours, none of them want to cut off from our group, and they refuse to speak to each other (well, he doesn't want to speak to her). I'm friends with both, so I let them do what they want. If they annoy us (our group) we decided we will meet one of them at a time.

Until now, all has been fine. I can see how her presence may make you feel not comfortable, but trust me, it will pass eventually. Let her do her thing, and you do yours, and it will stop effecting you. If you don't feel like speaking to her just ignore her when you see her.

Whenever I see someone with my ex I laugh and say, hah, I've been there before you.

Sounds silly, but its funny :D
 
The__Malteser said:
I have 2 friends who have just split up, after 4 (kind of, because the first years were just 'kids play' so to speak) years together (we are all 18 :eek:) and needless to say, we are all in the same social group (8 people in all).

Now here is where it is similar to yours, none of them want to cut off from our group, and they refuse to speak to each other (well, he doesn't want to speak to her). I'm friends with both, so I let them do what they want. If they annoy us (our group) we decided we will meet one of them at a time.

Until now, all has been fine. I can see how her presence may make you feel not comfortable, but trust me, it will pass eventually. Let her do her thing, and you do yours, and it will stop effecting you. If you don't feel like speaking to her just ignore her when you see her.

Whenever I see someone with my ex I laugh and say, hah, I've been there before you.

Sounds silly, but its funny :D
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Actually that make a lot of sense, don't think i will be too bothered if i see her occasionally, but bringing her new BF into the group when i am there is a bit out of order imo - i am sure i will be in a relationship in the future, but wouldn't do that if i knew she would be there .

Think the problem isn't about me moving on, but like you said it being uncomfortable situation, also the fact that most stuff do as couples so makes me feel like third wheel.
 
Nelson Santos said:
Actually that make a lot of sense, don't think i will be too bothered if i see her occasionally, but bringing her new BF into the group when i am there is a bit out of order imo - i am sure i will be in a relationship in the future, but wouldn't do that if i knew she would be there .

Think the problem isn't about me moving on, but like you said it being uncomfortable situation, also the fact that most stuff do as couples so makes me feel like third wheel.
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I rushed it a bit, so it may not be that accurate. But as long as it got my point across, then I am satisfied :)

I do see where you are coming from by saying that she should be a bit more slow in bringing her bf in your group, but heck, its her life, and she has no obligation to you, or anyone else.

It may 'hurt' in the beginning, and I understand, but she is not 'yours' anymore, and the faster you accept that, the faster you will 'heal'. The faster you heal, the faster you move on. And the faster you move on, the more likely you are to find someone else.

About your friends being all couples. I can't really help about that, as we are all single (who needs a long relationship at 18?! :D). I am pretty sure that your mates don't really care if you are around with them, even if they are all couples. They are your friends, and you are part of the group, and I doubt they will see you differently just because you have no girl beside you. It may be uncomfortable, yes, but I don't think its a major issue. You just 'miss' having a girl beside you, and you watch your friends with a bit of 'envy.' it will pass and get better, i am sure.
 
Sorry, I'm too young to have any real experience, but could someone please explain to me the point of a relationship and how the **** they work? so far all I know is that nerds don't have much of a chance unless they are rich/successful and that they are much more complicated than installing Gentoo.
 
Dayzed&Confused said:
Sorry, I'm too young to have any real experience, but could someone please explain to me the point of a relationship and how the **** they work? so far all I know is that nerds don't have much of a chance unless they are rich/successful and that they are much more complicated than installing Gentoo.
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Why do you think you don't have a chance?

Edit: You haven't posted for a while so I'm not going to make you wait on this. When you say too young, I'm guessing early teens. Read "The Game", confidence is key, realising that people go on Jeremy Kyle with their insane life stories and looking the way they do, why aren't you as confident as them?
 
Dayzed&Confused said:
Sorry, I'm too young to have any real experience, but could someone please explain to me the point of a relationship and how the **** they work? so far all I know is that nerds don't have much of a chance unless they are rich/successful and that they are much more complicated than installing Gentoo.
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You find a girl who arouses you, then pay a fortune by indirect means to have sex with her. :) ++bragging rights, --social freedom. </sarcasm>

I kid, they aren't all bad! :D
 
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Dayzed&Confused said:
Sorry, I'm too young to have any real experience, but could someone please explain to me the point of a relationship and how the **** they work? so far all I know is that nerds don't have much of a chance unless they are rich/successful and that they are much more complicated than installing Gentoo.
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Gentoo is really easy to install, just follow the instructions and shout at it till it starts working, everyone can do it.

Women are a mystery because they just aren't consistent at all, in the hiding under your desk being the best way to get away from everything way.
 
In regards to nerds not getting girls and all that, people need to realize that you have to be out and about to get a girlfriend/bit of tail, this mystery woman isn't going to walk into your dungeon whilst you install Gentoo lol

You've got to be yourself, hopefully your a nice confident guy that has some edge and is preferably funny as ****, even if your 'good looking' without any rapport with a woman you won't get to far.

Don't try and understand woman as its not simple, its best to let woman understand you.
 
Met a new girl few months ago, got along really well, went out casually with friends quite a bit. So difficult to read stuff, definitely can relate to not understanding signals. Finally bit the bullet and asked her out properly to get friendzoned and find out she did have feelings for me but I left it to long to notch it up (despite trying to earlier, but obviously not directly enough).

Lesson learnt but it's a hard balance between getting to know someone and coming on too strong early. Mystery to me still if I'm honest. I'm crap with women.

Thought I'd share.
 
matt1 said:
Met a new girl few months ago, got along really well, went out casually with friends quite a bit. So difficult to read stuff, definitely can relate to not understanding signals. Finally bit the bullet and asked her out properly to get friendzoned and find out she did have feelings for me but I left it to long to notch it up (despite trying to earlier, but obviously not directly enough).

Lesson learnt but it's a hard balance between getting to know someone and coming on too strong early. Mystery to me still if I'm honest. I'm crap with women.

Thought I'd share.
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Just aim to have at least kissed her by the end of the first date maybe second then you're all good, you've made your intentions known, it's up to her then if she wants to pursue that avenue with you.

Ultimately if you take a girl out, it's pretty obvious you did it because you're attracted to her. Assuming you still like her after the first date there's no reason other than fear of rejection that you shouldn't make it apparent and kiss her. If you don't then she either assumes you don't like her in that way, or you're afraid of acting on and accepting that your sexual desires are perfectly normal, in both cases losing a whole lot of attraction towards you.
 
pingwing said:
Gentoo is really easy to install, just follow the instructions and shout at it till it starts working, everyone can do it.

Women are a mystery because they just aren't consistent at all, in the hiding under your desk being the best way to get away from everything way.
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Gentoo is easy until the make.conf disappears entirely whilst you are editing it.

In regards to nerds not getting girls and all that, people need to realize that you have to be out and about to get a girlfriend/bit of tail, this mystery woman isn't going to walk into your dungeon whilst you install Gentoo lol

You've got to be yourself, hopefully your a nice confident guy that has some edge and is preferably funny as ****, even if your 'good looking' without any rapport with a woman you won't get to far.

Don't try and understand woman as its not simple, its best to let woman understand you.
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I am out and about, but generally when I start talking the other person gets confused, usually because instead of saying that "I'm saving for a house/car" I'm saving to build a gigantic robotic Direwolf with fibre optic fur and glowing red eyes, because there's no road tax, no license or insurance necessary and because no traffic warden is going near it if it growls. Looks = ugly, personality = *shrugs*
Which bring me back to my original question, albeit refined a bit - other than sex and having someone to talk to, what is the point of a relationship?
 
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Dayzed&Confused said:
I am out and about, but generally when I start talking the other person gets confused, usually because instead of saying that "I'm saving for a house/car" I'm saving to build a gigantic robotic Direwolf with fibre optic fur and glowing red eyes, because there's no road tax, no license or insurance necessary and because no traffic warden is going near it if it growls.
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You sir, are amazing! :D Oh, and I want one!
 
I'll quickly say something. Don't really need advice, just saying.

Well there is this girl at my school (this school has like 3000 people btw) who is a straight out 10/10, and she looks like a good girl.

Been thinking a lot on how to speak to her, but I know literally nothing about her. I don't know her name, what classes she has, any of her friends...I know nothing about her. The only thing I know is that she is nice :D

And nope, i never saw her outside school... :( If I did, I would speak to her definitely.
 
The__Malteser said:
I'll quickly say something. Don't really need advice, just saying.

Well there is this girl at my school (this school has like 3000 people btw) who is a straight out 10/10, and she looks like a good girl.

Been thinking a lot on how to speak to her, but I know literally nothing about her. I don't know her name, what classes she has, any of her friends...I know nothing about her. The only thing I know is that she is nice :D

And nope, i never saw her outside school... :( If I did, I would speak to her definitely.
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You don't need advice you say but you post something that clearly says you are looking for advice? :p

Anyway, just because you don't see her outside of school doesn't mean you can't speak to her in school, then that way you can see her after school and it's less awkward.

Just my 2p.
 
The__Malteser said:
I'll quickly say something. Don't really need advice, just saying.

Well there is this girl at my school (this school has like 3000 people btw) who is a straight out 10/10, and she looks like a good girl.

Been thinking a lot on how to speak to her, but I know literally nothing about her. I don't know her name, what classes she has, any of her friends...I know nothing about her. The only thing I know is that she is nice :D

And nope, i never saw her outside school... :( If I did, I would speak to her definitely.
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Count yourself lucky that you have girls at school and have such a large gene pool.

Just chat to her. You could ask her if she's new or something because you've never seen her in class etc etc etc. Or even just say hi to her.

Worst thing that'll happen is she'll blank you.
 
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