The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

I'll happily dish out hugs given my current hug drought. :D

Fuzz, I'm sorry, she's messing you about and you know it. This isn't going to end well, could she be stringing you along so she can snap her fingers whenever she likes over Christmas, knowing you'll come running.

Just my opinion mind, but it'd speak volumes to me if someone couldn't even be bothered to wake up and talk to me when I'd gone round to their house.
 
Fuzz said:
What a strange carry on this is...
I get there, she's in bed in that half awake half asleep state, tried to have a short conversation but it was mostly, what, huh..
I said I should go home and let her sleep, as I don't know why she she said come round if she's that knackered.
Oh but you're here now, may as well stay...
To which she then rolls away from me and goes back to sleep! No hug, no kiss, no explanation.
Should have just got back up and left! :(
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seems like your being to Mr Nice, always there at her call.

be counterintuative, so instead of waiting by the phone make urself busy let her chase you. "if she doesn't txt back" then leave it as it is. When she does text don't txt back straightaway make her chase so give it 2 - 3 hours, then say sorry babe i'm really busy ill text you later. it's hard at first but she will get the point.
 
I've kept it quite private, but since my split a few days after I started speaking with a girl who works in my local bar, we have arranged to meet in a few days, but I feel like I try to talk to her too much, and I don't want to scare her off.

We last spoke lastnight and I'm not sure wether to text her today just incase she thinks I'm being too keen :(
 
Clov!s, if you told her that in a non-stalker way, and she was genuinely interested, you'd probably score major Brownie points. Women love to know they are valued and that you want to spend time with them.
 
Edrof said:
Clov!s, if you told her that in a non-stalker way, and she was genuinely interested, you'd probably score major Brownie points. Women love to know they are valued and that you want to spend time with them.
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Hmmm, but at the same time she might think I'm moving too fast in such a short time?

If women were simple like men I wouldn't have a problem :P
 
@ Edrof
What's the difference?
They both have cold, bleak heartlands and internal thought processes that make doublethink look positively benign. :o
 
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Could do with a touch of advice if I may although I probably know the answer to this.

In short :

Met a girl on a night out (2 weeks ago), had a few smooches and dances (nothing more, just exchanged numbers). Met a few days later for a drink, went to the cinema the other day and we have text eachother everyday since. I sent her flowers the other day and she was chuffed as nuts, it was her first bunch ever (bless her :) )

We get on well, we have a laugh and I enjoy her company and we are going late night shopping this Thursday.

So what's the problem ?

I'm not quite sure where I stand with her, as in she has her cards very close to her chest. She isn't giving anything away (although I'm sure I'm missing the point). She hasn't mentioned she "likes me" or similar, to be fair though I haven't asked. I wear my heart on my sleeve and let people know what I think. I know we are all different.

The other thing is the age gap, I'm 30 and she is 22. I have a nearly 6 year old son, I can't stop thinking that this could be (and probably is) a complete waste of time. I know I need to go with the flow and chill out, I'm pretty sure I'm taking this a bit seriously ( I suppose having 2 previous relationships and getting stitched up doesn't help).

Are we dating ? Are we chilling ? God I am sooooo out of touch with this lol.

I suspect I'm jumping the gun a bit, I need to maybe embrace this, relax and see what happens.

Any of the female population on here care to give an out of touch man a few words of advice ???? :D
 
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I'd see what happens, spend a bit more time together, and see how things go. If she's playing her cards close, she's only 22, and if you sending her a bunch of flowers was the first time she'd had that, she may not have a lot of experience in "relationships"

You are a bit more "grown up" than her, in that you are 30, and have a child (does she know that by the way?) and so she is probably just a bit wary of what getting involved with someone who is a) a bit older than her, and b) a father.

That's not to say that age gaps don't work because they do, just she may be not wanting to rush things whilst she figures everything out in her head.

Hope that makes sense, just go with the flow and see what pans out :)
 
knip said:
I'd see what happens, spend a bit more time together, and see how things go. If she's playing her cards close, she's only 22, and if you sending her a bunch of flowers was the first time she'd had that, she may not have a lot of experience in "relationships"

You are a bit more "grown up" than her, in that you are 30, and have a child (does she know that by the way?) and so she is probably just a bit wary of what getting involved with someone who is a) a bit older than her, and b) a father.

That's not to say that age gaps don't work because they do, just she may be not wanting to rush things whilst she figures everything out in her head.

Hope that makes sense, just go with the flow and see what pans out :)
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Perfect sense thank you :)

Yeah she does know about my son, probably one of the first things I mentioned. It's hard as a single dad to think that anyone could possibly be interested but I know exactly what you mean though.

Need to chill out and enjoy it. Thank you.
 
mrk said:
Saw your post in the forum email on my phone so been slowly typing this out while working away but...

When you say lost a few friends what's stopping you from reconnecting with them?

You probably don't want it to seem like the sole reason you're attempting to get back in contact with those friends is because you're single now either in-case they get the wrong impression but if they used to be good friends then you'll know them better than anyone else anyway so will know how to approach it from a different angle.

I had a similar experience a long time ago and back then I was rubbish with and around people in general which didn't help matters but it did give me a learning experience and some of those friends are still around me today (although I don't get to see them as often as I maybe would like) so it can work out :)

The most balls part about being single and male in your 20s (I assume form your username!) though is that some friends will most likely have settled down or be in long term relationships so the stuff you used to do together with the freedom you once had isn't possible any more and when it is it has to be arranged waaaay in advance because of their other halves etc. It's not as apparent to them because they don't see it from this point of view.

For me I've gotten too used to the single way of life now because it's been so long but in a way it's also a good thing (well for the time being anyway), more freedom to do other things and all that :p

Use your money saved and go somewhere nice, or start doing something fun to meet new people as well :D

None of the above probably helped but hey ho :o
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Partly feel like an arse that the only reason i've gone back to some of those guys, is because i'm single again, it is awkward trying to plan stuff now as i only have 1 single friend out of the group now...

Everywhere i look at the moment, i see couples going through a rough patch, but giving things a go, and it plays on my mind that she wasn't willing to try for my sake and it was all on her terms...

How long is usually recommended to stay single before trying the dating scene again? Might give online a go and that way know what "she" want's straight away if that makes sense?

MisChief said:
Try picturing yourself without the new girl and see how you feel about that. People don't tend of appreciate what they've got until they lose it.

Keep yourself busy with other things in your life. Your job, hobbies, family maybe?
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Tried throwing myself into work but that's not so great at the moment, i could do a 60hr week and not get a thankyou for it, one of those jobs with average/decent pay, but little job satisfaction....

I think the hardest thing at the moment is getting a good night's sleep, with everything still playing on my mind, i'm tired enough that i'm struggling to find the energy to want to go out and do anything after work....

Probably hasn't helped that i really do wear my heart on my sleeve and i guess it was all just a bit too easy for her and she got bored / missed the chase?

Trying to figure out if i want to try and get her back, i really did, but now i'm starting to wonder if i want to put myself through that again , especially as i'll think back to this every time there's a rough patch / she seems a bit distant?!

Thanks for your replies both :)
 
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