Is it weird I don't want kids at 32?

[Castiel]

I don't feel that way. Started about 6 months ago when the ex left, I realised my fear of having kids pretty much came down to a fear of being stuck with her. I imagine having a little me could be awesome. I also see the benefit of not having them so whether I do or not will be down to whether I find a subtitle partner and whether or not she wants them.

Would you consider yourself ready even then?

I knew my wife was the one I wanted children with, however that didn't mean I was ready when it happened, even though it was planned...to be honest I'm still not convinced I'm ready now, and he is thirteen...I just muddle through as best I can.

 

[Deleted User 234324]

Interesting. What do you mean by this?

Child Benefit, Child Tax Credits are available, assuming your income isn't over 50k.

To give an example a single mother with 1 child could happily work part time for minimum wage, earning £450/month child tax credits and child benefit would inflate that income nearly £1000/month. Factor in that housing benefit and council tax benefit would also be issued, it's not that difficult to see why there are so many single mums in the country.

 

[Castiel]

Travel.

Children do not stop you travelling, we travel at least twice a year if not more.

Career development.

Children have not impeded either my wife's or my career development, quite the contrary, children made us more focused and determined.

Independence.

Never really understood this either, independence from what? I have never felt tied down or felt that my life was somehow restricted by children...it's different and there are different responsibilities and concerns you need to consider when you make decisions, but that doesn't necessarily mean you lose your independence.

I think it probably depends on the individual and their situation and what they specifically want to do, it is a decision that each of us takes for ourselves, but it doesn't necessarily mean a loss of independence.

 

[Ghosteh]

I don't feel that way. Started about 6 months ago when the ex left, I realised my fear of having kids pretty much came down to a fear of being stuck with her. I imagine having a little me could be awesome. I also see the benefit of not having them so whether I do or not will be down to whether I find a subtitle partner and whether or not she wants them.

I'm kind of similar. I never even entertained the idea of having kids with my ex, not that I think she'd be a bad mother or anything, but she wasn't the woman I'd want to bring my kids up with.
My current girlfriend however, I could see myself settling down with. I'm not in any rush or anything, either to settle down or have kids, but she's very much the person I would like to be with.
Thing is though, she can't have kids, so we'd have to look at adoption, which is something I've never even considered in the past, so it's quite a lot to get my head round!

 

[Lysander]

Children do not stop you travelling, we travel at least twice a year if not more.

Missed the point. I meant the ability to travel whenever and wherever I want. If I want to go to Europe tomorrow, I can go. If I want to go to Las Vegas next week, I can go. I have to organise and look after absolutely no-one.

Children have not impeded either my wife's or my career development, quite the contrary, children made us more focused and determined.

Why was that?

it is a decision that each of us takes for ourselves, but it doesn't necessarily mean a loss of independence.

The idea of being shackled to a child and not going wherever I like and doing whatever I want, dealing with moaning kids, paying out tonnes of cash, having a dirty house and putting yet another useless life on this Earth sounds like a pain worth than death. I don't know why I'm even discussing it. I'd rather have cancer.

 

[krooton]

To those that have always been against having kids, did you experience the divorce of your own parents, or have a poor relationship with them?

 

[Ahleckz]

When Lysander left, I thought it was a bad thing. But his posts nowadays just make him sound like a total weirdo. Ho hum!

Anyway, I love the idea of having kids. I think it would be awesome, but at the same time I'm terrified that I'd never be able to get away from them. I understand that when you have them, you probably don't want that but the idea that they are always there; and you have to always be there for them is terrifying. A huge commitment, and one that both parties need to go into with open eyes.

 

[Maccapacca]

You get used to it very quickly

 

[Castiel]

Missed the point. I meant the ability to travel whenever and wherever I want. If I want to go to Europe tomorrow, I can go. If I want to go to Las Vegas next week, I can go. I have to organise and look after absolutely no-one.

So can I. It's not difficult. Most people are actually far more hindered by finances, their jobs, their other commitments such as mortgages than they are by a child.

Truthfully can you afford to up sticks and travel the world tomorrow? Could you even afford to book a flight to Las Vegas right now? And if you could, would you actually be able to simply go without any responsibilities or commitments?

Why was that?

Why was what?

The idea of being shackled to a child and not going wherever I like and doing whatever I want, dealing with moaning kids, paying out tonnes of cash, having a dirty house and putting yet another useless life on this Earth sounds like a pain worth than death. I don't know why I'm even discussing it. I'd rather have cancer.

That's your outlook on what having a child actually entails, it doesn't sound anything like my experience however.

 

[Lysander]

To those that have always been against having kids, did you experience the divorce of your own parents, or have a poor relationship with them?

Yes, my parents went through quite a messy divorce and one that even now my dad talks about, much to my disgust. My two older brothers have no interest in having kids either. It's no secret our parents have screwed us up on that front but it's part of our programming, it'll never change.

When Lysander left, I thought it was a bad thing. But his posts nowadays just make him sound like a total weirdo. Ho hum!

You must have just missed the other ones.

 

[StoneColdJoe]

It's not weird, but by god i'm 25 - i'd love to have children/a baby tbh!

 

[aln]

Are you ready then?

I knew my wife was the one I wanted children with, however that didn't mean I was ready when it happened, even though it was planned...to be honest I'm still not convinced I'm ready now, and he is thirteen...I just muddle through as best I can.

About as ready as I'll ever be from a mindset point of view I imagine. No doubt if it ever happens I'll be flying from the seat of my pants but like I said, I could handle it with a suitable partner.

Truthfully can you afford to up sticks and travel the world tomorrow? Could you even afford to book a flight to Las Vegas right now? And if you could, would you actually be able to simply go without any responsibilities or commitments?

I could probably do that. I'd rather keep working now paying off debt ASAP in order to setup for an easier future, but I honestly could just bolt if I really wanted to.

 

[Castiel]

Yes, my parents went through quite a messy divorce and one that even now my dad talks about, much to my disgust. My two older brothers have no interest in having kids either. It's no secret our parents have screwed us up on that front but it's part of our programming, it'll never change.

My parents were hardly shining examples of parenthood, in fact they were the exact opposite, but I never let them influence how I live my life, if I did that it would have only vindicated them in some way.

 

[Castiel]

About as ready as I'll ever be from a mindset point of view I imagine. No doubt if it ever happens I'll be flying from the seat of my pants but like I said, I could handle it with a suitable partner.

Aye, the most important part of it is making sure you are with the right person, everything else is a piece of cake if you get that bit right.

 

[aln]

Aye, the most important part of it is making sure you are with the right person, everything else is a piece of cake if you get that bit right.

I don't believe in _the_ right person. I'll stick with _a_ right person.

 

[Scuzi]

and what if I don't even like my own kid? (It could be transgender or gay) or even worse ginger

At least it won't be South African. That's the last thing the world needs.

Seriously though, I don't think you can ever be ready to have children. It's a huge step and one that requires you to be thrown in at the deep end to appreciate the enormity of it. If you don't want to have kids then fair play to you and even more kudos to you for standing up and declaring that. Too many people are pressured into it because their British idea of "that's what your supposed to do" (I hate Britishness) drives them to it and the end result isn't always good. Enjoy your life and if the desire to have offspring should come along then go with the flow. Until then, ride the wave and see where it takes you.

I wasn't ready to have a baby but it happened and I have embraced it. It has been terribly hard work and going from flying across the world every few weeks and drinking with friends every few days to a grounded family man has been a hell of an adjustment. I wouldn't change it for the world though. Seeing my boy puts a smile on my face no matter how I'm feeling. It's life changing whether you like it or not. People who claim it isn't life changing are lying or deluded.

 

[Castiel]

I don't believe in _the_ right person. I'll stick with _a_ right person.

Haha.

 

[Knubje]

I'm interested to know if you've discussed this before with your wife? I am recently married and am more than expecting to start trying for a kid in the nearish future. We are both 29.

We did however, discuss it before we got married - several times. I wasn't ready then but always said that I could feel myself wanting them "in the future". I find it odd people get married without really discussing this kind of thing to then find out that their partner really wants them and the other doesn't! Seems kind of unfair and ass backwards.

As said here and has been said several times to me before by friends and colleagues, it's the hardest/worst thing you'll ever do - but at the same time the best and most rewarding! I'm sure I'll find out one day.

I think the fairest thing to do is talk to you wife about how you both feel about it!

 

[PermaBanned]

I think a lot of people are missing the point here. There's nothing to be gained from trying to convince the op to have children. It's perfectly okay not to. The actual question being asked was 'is it weird', which can simply be answered as 'no'. The more pressing issue is the fact that their partner has a differing opinion on the matter, and that this is something they really should work through with them. And sooner rather than later.

 

[Castiel]

I could probably do that. I'd rather keep working now paying off debt ASAP in order to setup for an easier future, but I honestly could just bolt if I really wanted to.

So could I.....With or without the rest of my family, and that is the point I was trying to make....people still have their independence (as far as anyone does)..it is simply that the choices and consequences are different. We all have commitments or hurdles to consider when we choose to do something, sometimes it is financial, sometimes personal, sometimes familial...