The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

TaKeN said:
How we all doing?

I'm 2 months on.. and still feeling cack!
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3 months here. feel a bit meh on occasion, sometimes miss certain things but generally feeling better finally :)

I also bought this book after reading a snippet from it (I know that probably sounds lame) but it made good points about a few things so its definitely got me thinking in the right direction.

Distraction is definitely the way forward. I still have days where I miss having someone to cuddle up with but I'd rather be single then be in a relationship for the wrong reasons.

I have an ex who has recently got back in contact after splitting with his wife, he hates being single so went straight online and met someone else. Told me "she's perfect" ......
It's already ended in tears. It's sad for him but proves to myself even more that I'm better off alone right now.
 
secretspy said:
3 months here. feel a bit meh on occasion, sometimes miss certain things but generally feeling better finally :)
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I added you on msn, to discuss IBS btw :)

You're right, my relationship was far from Perfect.

We lived 170 miles from one another, saw each other for 2-3 days Every MONTH if we were lucky.

Even then most of that time was spent arguing, What I find the most difficult at the moment is knowing that other guys are sniffing around trying to get in on the action.

Before we dated an old school friend of hers was pestering her for 'No Strings Attached Sex' I spoke to her about it at the time, and she wasn't the type of girl to be into that stuff. She respected herself too much,

I know for a fact at the moment that he has been trying to talk to her again recently since we broke up. That really really ***** me off. I keep telling myself the relationship wasn't working. But I still care for her, and hope she has the decency to tell the sleezebag where to go.

But at the same time, what business is it of mine?!
 
TaKeN said:
You're right, my relationship was far from Perfect.

We lived 170 miles from one another, saw each other for 2-3 days Every MONTH if we were lucky.

Even then most of that time was spent arguing, What I find the most difficult at the moment is knowing that other guys are sniffing around trying to get in on the action.

Before we dated an old school friend of hers was pestering her for 'No Strings Attached Sex' I spoke to her about it at the time, and she wasn't the type of girl to be into that stuff. She respected herself too much,

I know for a fact at the moment that he has been trying to talk to her again recently since we broke up. That really really ***** me off. I keep telling myself the relationship wasn't working. But I still care for her, and hope she has the decency to tell the sleezebag where to go.

But at the same time, what business is it of mine?!
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Welcome to the same club as me, its been 3-4 months now of being single where I refuse to initiate any talking to her.

Every so often I get a drunk phone call along the lines of "oh I miss you, I met some guy, he tried to kiss, I hated it, I want you". Killed my saturday nights sleep last weekend :mad:

Only thing I can tell you is its normal for it to get under your skin (it ruined my weekend as I hadn't given her a second thought in ages) and that realistically its just a thing where she wants to be chased by you (assuming because the being in a relationship is better than not scenario regardless of it working, which is what I am lumped with).

Only advice I can really give is dig your heels in, silly long distance where theres no fun in meeting each other is stupid, try to occupy the moments where you feel some sort of weakness/sympathy for her and get into the habit of turning your phone off at night :) (or start to use the do not disturb feature)
 
TaKeN said:
Even then most of that time was spent arguing, What I find the most difficult at the moment is knowing that other guys are sniffing around trying to get in on the action.

Before we dated an old school friend of hers was pestering her for 'No Strings Attached Sex' I spoke to her about it at the time, and she wasn't the type of girl to be into that stuff. She respected herself too much,

I know for a fact at the moment that he has been trying to talk to her again recently since we broke up. That really really ***** me off. I keep telling myself the relationship wasn't working. But I still care for her, and hope she has the decency to tell the sleezebag where to go.

But at the same time, what business is it of mine?!
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i feel for you, ive been in a similar situation.
my "best friend" was messaging my ex and asking for friends with benefits etc... even after promising me he wouldn't
long story short, they are pretty much a couple now....

but i got so angry once i found out they were seeing each other, and i found out over instagram of all places.... and i NEVER get angry, its not my thing before that i cant remember the last time i was angry....

i still care for my ex, i always will, but i cant even look at her without seeing the hurt shes caused, and i also look at her and think "how can you be so OK with destroying another human being that you claimed to love"

in regards to knowing other guys are sniffing.....its just something you have to get over and it is hard, was very hard for me to deal with as im not exactly popular and now barley any girls so couldnt exactly go out and do tit for tat so to speak. also me and this "best friend" used to be part of a big social group so i was never exactly lonely... but when all this business happened i lost them all which is no great loss as they clearly weren't true friends if they ditch me because of that!

but meh....

two things that got me through it were
No 1: remembering there's always a brad new day tomorrow
No 2: remembering things will always get easier no matter what happens.
 
Do you guys think a 7 year age gap is too much between 19 and 26? I turn 26 in a couple of weeks and have been getting closer to this girl who works near to where I do. I see her regularly, we used to just exchange pleasantries until I asked for her number. Since then we've been chatting on the phone and texting each other pretty regularly.

She's quite mature for her age, but the age gap is a bit of a concern for me. My main worry would be her dad wanting to murder me lol (he sounds quite protective and she still lives at home), and whether I might find her friends a bit immature. I'm currently leaning towards giving it a try, what's the worst that can happen if it doesn't work out after all? Just thought I'd get some opinions on here to see what the general consensus is on an age gap of that length.
 
nicktay2605 said:
Do you guys think a 7 year age gap is too much between 19 and 26? I turn 26 in a couple of weeks and have been getting closer to this girl who works near to where I do. I see her regularly, we used to just exchange pleasantries until I asked for her number. Since then we've been chatting on the phone and texting each other pretty regularly.

She's quite mature for her age, but the age gap is a bit of a concern for me. My main worry would be her dad wanting to murder me lol (he sounds quite protective and she still lives at home), and whether I might find her friends a bit immature. I'm currently leaning towards giving it a try, what's the worst that can happen if it doesn't work out after all? Just thought I'd get some opinions on here to see what the general consensus is on an age gap of that length.
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When I first got with my ex I was 22 and she was 29...I was mature for my age..and quite simply the age difference didn't make any difference to us. I say go for it.

Its coming up to 1 year now since I last saw her...and about 10 months since I last spoke to her. Have to say every girl I've met since just hasn't compared to her :( Struggling to believe I will find someone at least equal/better at some point in the future!
 
FatFishMonster said:
the girl i went on a date with yesterday has already been named the crazy cat lady by the guys at work as i met her online...

funny thing is, she has no cats and isnt crazy! funny office talk!
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ooh.. ohh.. im sure you're a nub when it comes to women.. :D but there's a higher chance that she will show her crazyness later on ;) if everything goes by the plan..
 
grudas said:
ooh.. ohh.. im sure you're a nub when it comes to women.. :D but there's a higher chance that she will show her crazyness later on ;) if everything goes by the plan..
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indeed! She could be a physco dog lady but manages to hide it! Only time will tell....
but at the moment she seems fairly normal....apart from that shes agreed to seeing me again...that means she must be crazy actually!
 
Reading this forum makes me feel better. Ive been involved in a relationship for almost of year, thinking she is the one, just recently things are not going so well. She is supposed to be moving nearer to me, relocating her two kids, but certain trust issues has arisen. I sincerely try to be there for her, her best friend has just died and she needs me there at the funeral, at very short notice, so I am trying to go the extra mile on getting the time.

Prevoiusly in the relationship Ive been taken for granted, and last week the line got crossed, but I do still love her! Quiet frankly its crushing me. Always over money, albeit I know you should put love before money, I know I have to draw the line somewhere. Feel its gonna be crunch time very soon.
 
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