Lady advice...

agnes

agnes

agnes

Soldato
Joined
1 Dec 2006
Posts
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Location
Amsterdam, NL
I'm going to keep this as short as possible.

I'm seeing a girl at the moment, we went to Copenhagen together a couple of weeks back, we haven't had time to see each other since but had planned to see each other tonight and spend Saturday and Sunday morning together this weekend.

She tells me she was made redundant yesterday, 6 weeks warning. She works at the place I used to work, it's how we met.

Anyway, with my contract I can shift my hours around willy nilly, so, I instantly said I will see her asap and started to look at moving my hours around. I worked out doing a 11 hour shift today meant I could join her and her team for drinks and give her a bit of support.

I arrive at 1630 and she had been drinking for 2.5 hours. Fair enough, it's not nice news. She was an absolute mess, just about able to talk.

I thought nothing of it and said hello to everyone and joined in drinking with them and gave her a little support and generally chilled with her.

It was very awkward as her team are all the sales, macho men type and then I'm this scrawny geek seeing this girl. No doubt it will be the talk of the day in my old place of work tomorrow. I don't care, I'm just saying it was a little awkward.

What made it worse as each time I tried to join in the conversation, which is cool as I know these guys very well, supporting them IT wise for a few years. Each time I went to talk, she would butt in and insult me, saying I don't know what I'm talking about. Or generally just being a total ****. All the guys saw this and just gave me that look of "shrug it off, she is drunk". So I sat mostly in silence.

My nephew is down from my sisters for the week until Sunday/Monday. I will see him maybe 2 more times this year before I leave the UK to go traveling. So I really want to spend time with him as he is coming up to 3 and the memories I make now will hopefully be the ones he remembers later, like the zoo or what ever.

It clocks over to 7pm and I mention I want to walk home and see him before he goes to bed, as I'm working late, I won't see him tonight and that means I only get 2 evenings and a weekend with my best little man.

Before I mentioned this, she was already tearing up to her boss about the whole job thing. And the moment I mentioned me going to see my nephew, well... I'm instantly in the wrong. I say goodbye to everyone and after 15 minutes of awkwardness I just leave as she is being a **** and well she is drunk. So I just leave.

I get some angry texts on how I'm being selfish and making this all about me and how I made her cry in front of her work friends... I don't respond as she is drunk and I leave it till this morning. I get a text from her basically saying how rude it was, how I was out of line leaving and such. And how I'm using my nephew as an excuse to get out of it.

I'm fuming really, I don't want to respond too much, as it will just make me angry but I need to vent hence this post really.

It's not the first time she has pulled stuff like this, I will twist my arms behind my back to make time and move plans around so we can see each other. As we are both busy. But she makes no effort at all.

I have sent her a text saying I'm now busy on Saturday as I want to spend it with Oliver and she has hit the roof as I had planned on going with her to her dads and spending the day there.

Grrrrrr ladies! :mad::mad::mad::confused:
 
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Doesn't sound like an reciprocal relationship.

You know her better than me as I only have your version of events to go on but if she's pulling this stuff so early on in the relationship then I would walk away. Appreciate she was angry about the job thing but. She should have been a bit more understanding about what you need to do as well. Patic the morning after .
 
She sounds like a lot of drama, put protection on it for one final smashing then run like Forest Gump and don't look back.

Is he 18/19? Sounds extremely immature or she's a bit of a binger who can't handle her drink.
 
I guess she wanted your whole attention and sympathy and as soon as you mentioned about seeing your nephew, the attention was off her and she spit her dummy out.

Go see your nephew and let her have her temper tantrums on her own and get rid of her asap!! :)
 
James_N said:
I guess she wanted your whole attention and sympathy and as soon as you mentioned about seeing your nephew, the attention was off her and she spit her dummy out.

Go see your nephew and let her have her temper tantrums on her own and get rid of her asap!! :)
Click to expand...

This is exactly the best way to describe it every time I have a plan that pulls my attention away from her!

She is early 20's. I explained to her what I have done, why I'm mad and that I now have little time to see my best bud, and her only response was "You know how to cut a girl up don't you? x"...

Wut? Jesus, in her eyes, it's all intentional just to hurt her lol.

Not worth my time now, I'm just so angry someone can be that selfish!!! I'm now stuck working so bloody long and late today. I just want to play cars on the car mat with my favorite nephew :(
 
sounds like typical attention seeking behaviour
if you really like her make the effort and give her attention, but within reason
don't let other relationships suffer though, see others and make time for them too. explain this to her, if she doesn't get it, rethink it
 
The solution to this problem is painfully obvious.....get rid. You have more important things in your life to deal with.
 
Seeing you are off travelling anyway I don't see there is a problem, deep down you know this isn't going to last.

It is almost like she is giving you a reason to end it before you leave.
 
Sounds awkward, couple of questions:

1) Did your nephew turn up unannounced or was it planned therefore you got yourself double booked ?
2) Did you enjoy Copenhagen with this young lady ?

Communication is the answer as you probably know so it's upto you if you want to clear the air and make the effort.

Once piece of advice I would offer is alcohol amplifies someone's personality so don't make excuses if she is not nice with a drink in her she probably isn't a nice person deep down.
 
Just make sure you play it cool. I'd explain it to her that her behaviour towards you, in front of her work friends wasn't acceptable. It was fair to be insulted. Also that she knows your relationship with Oliver and what it means and how important it is.

Then give her an ultimateum, something like - Look, I like you, but it's me who's been doing the shift swapping, the organising of meals etc, if you want to see me, I'm free on 'X' night, let me know if you want to do something.

If she organises something, then that's good, if she doesn't then you've dodged a bullet.
 
Smash her pasty and/or back doors and then take a dump on her chest, sends a pretty big message if you ask me!

Serious note she sounds like the nutjobs I used to attract 'its all about meeeeeee!!', honestly as said if she gets insulting/abusive when drunk you pretty much can't take her to any place where alcohol is served which to me spells the end of the relationship.
 
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My ex used to be like that and it did not feel like a relationship of equals. Wild always make a scene just for attention.

I would stay quiet and calm and see how she reacts.
 
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