The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Well she will decide.
She can friend zone you, but you'll soon know if that's the case, if it is find a different pasty to smash to coin the usual OcUK phrase. If she doesn't she will remove BF from the scene and start making closer ties with you. If so, keep is all smile and nice at work, and date her off the scene to begin with.
I wouldn't worry about it. Either you will be amazing to her, or she'll friend zone you, in which case, the best advice is to take that, stop pining, and move along.
 
HybridX said:
If i know I'm friend zoned 100% then i can deal with that and move on. It's the uncertainty of it all especially after Friday nights revelations. I kind of get the impression she's undecided where she wants to be.

Meh dunno, completely messed up situation
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Sounds pretty complicated, if only it was all easy. :(

Then again, if it does work out you must smash her pasty into next Thursday in reward of all the effort you put in. :D
 
I have got myself in a pickle now again - see bottom for tl;dr

Current GF - Not sure if its ticking all the boxes, not 100% feeling it, for a few reasons, she is so nice to me / everyone but its a bit suffocating.

One of my best friends (who happens to be female) - being friends for probably 10 years ? initially i had a bit of a thing for her but it never really panned out beyond a few kisses and stuff, ended up being good friends off the back of it but she disappeared off the scene for a fair few years and then it transpired she was into girls more than boys (which was fine obviously we were just friends and made a few things previous make sense) - I haven't thought about her at all as a girl / love interest for a long time (if that makes sense) - well anyway we were out not too long back and i got some strange vibes off her, we were going for drinks quite often and some food now and then on the days i went into Sheffield for Uni as i am there part time (the girlfriend was ok with this as obviously we are just friends, i was already in Sheffield and she likes girls which was general knowledge more or less).

Well last weekend we all went out in Sheffield and the GF was going to come (and we would have probably got a hotel) but then she didn't so i stayed at this friends - long story short we all got drunk (me more than her) and when i came back i went to go to sleep on the floor.

The next thing she says come sleep in my bed which i was ok about, then we end up kissing and i back off a bit shocked and she says "she has wanted this for a while, and that we should only do this if i want" - so being drunk we end up doing it as i was pretty smashed - i don't think she was that drunk to be honest as she said she only had one drink in the last bar where as i had loads and came back an hour later than her

So at this point its pretty bad but i was drunk? well the morning comes and we end up doing it again twice (obviously neither of us drunk at this point). I don't think either of us really thought about it too much.. she says at some point "i could do this all weekend with you"

I then get up and leave her to go get my car which was in the center (20 minute walk away) - still being pretty hungover / drunk i did think about it a bit but went to get my car and take it back to hers as she wanted a lift (to the town i live to meet some people) we did not really discuss it at all when i got back or on the journey back

I then dropped her off and it was all a bit cold

I then let it go for a few days and resumed normal activity with the GF, not feeling too good about the situation, meanwhile i start to think about it a bit and did engage her on the subject on Facebook and say basically "we will have to talk about Friday night at some point you know"

Well its probably one of those situations where i don't think she could have said the right thing, and i don't myself know what i expected her to say or quite how i feel about her now.

But she was a bit cold about it and basically put it down to being "drunk" i obviously say we were not drunk in the morning which she doesn't comment on and then she says that nothing could ever work between us which was a bit unprovoked (as in not the direction the discussion was going) and we should know it happened but move on ??

I have kept it between me and her as a lot of our friends know both of us and her group of friends is like a rumor mill at the best of times.

So now i don't know what to think? do i want it to happen again? should i break it off with my current gf? should i question her more on how she is feeling? (part of me doesn't want to ignore the situation with her if there is something going on in her head) Should i just leave it alone ?

tl;dr - Current Girlfriend is not doing it for me - Slept with best friend who is female out of the blue when drunk and not drunk - not sure what to think now
 
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^ You stay classy, San Diego.

e: I did actually read the whole post. Basically, you've learned the hard way not to smash your friend's pasty. Take it from somebody whose group of closest friends is comprised roughly 90% in favour of women and who has made the same mistake. I'll leave it to the moralfags to swoop in and tell you that you're scum for sleeping around behind your girlfriend's back though, as I have no issue with it. :)
 
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Theophany said:
^ You stay classy, San Diego.

e: I did actually read the whole post. Basically, you've learned the hard way not to smash your friend's pasty. Take it from somebody whose group of closest friends is comprised roughly 90% in favour of women and who has made the same mistake. I'll leave it to the moralfags to swoop in and tell you that you're scum for sleeping around behind your girlfriend's back though, as I have no issue with it. :)
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Well i wouldn't say i have learned anything yet really, the situation hasn't really had time to unravel - where as me and this friend could go all week without speaking normally i keep finding myself engaging in conversation with her in the hope she might shine some light on the situation or at least show some signs she has thought about it. I am suspecting if it hasn't happened already though, knowing her it probably wont. (I guess thats the problem if you know someone well, you know there downfalls as well)
 
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End your existing relationship. You've already cheated on her and you know she isn't someone you want to spend your life with. Stop dragging her along. Once free of the burden of guilt etc. things will be much clearer.
 
HybridX said:
If i know I'm friend zoned 100% then i can deal with that and move on. It's the uncertainty of it all especially after Friday nights revelations. I kind of get the impression she's undecided where she wants to be.

Meh dunno, completely messed up situation
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Don't panic and see what happens over the next week or so. To me it sounds like it could be a mutual feeling but her being with someone else at work probably complicates it for her. Don't push anything and see what happens between them - if it falls apart between them wait a bit and then make your move
 
jumpy said:
take up a pastime that is new to you, anything, so long as it takes you in some new direction.
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Absolutely this. It's a slightly different context with me as I was more in a rut than trying to get over someone, but I've taken up something new and have never been happier. Met loads of great new people and absolutely love it. :)
 
MaX_PoWah said:
tl;dr - Current Girlfriend is not doing it for me - Slept with best friend who is female out of the blue when drunk and not drunk - not sure what to think now
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You answered your own question. End your current relationship and have some fun. A 'normal' (monogamous) relationship dies once you step outside of it. Even if you do suddenly find that the current GF is doing it for you, and you want to stay with her, there is always the chance that your female friend will tell someone and the truth will come out.

Then you will have the issue of lowered social status, being a 'cheat', or a 'scumbag' etc, plus the emotional damage you will cause your GF (cheating can cause serious self esteem/paranoia issues for people - including myself once upon a time).

I stick to the motto of 'Always leave a girl better off than when you found her'. You've made her happy, but there just isn't the 'spark' between you and the relationship has come to its natural conclusion.

My other motto is GFTOW*, but it doesn't really apply here as you aren't all emotionally butthurt ;)

Blazin


* Go **** ten other women
 
MaX_PoWah said:
words
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Your friend got horny and you were a not unattractive temporary sexual partner but are an unattractive long term relationship partner. Hence the cold shoulder.

You should finish with your girlfriend. You're clearly not into her and don't care enough about her to not have sex with someone else so probably best to call it quits.
 
[FnG]magnolia;24841057 said:
Your friend got horny and you were a not unattractive temporary sexual partner but are an unattractive long term relationship partner. Hence the cold shoulder.

You should finish with your girlfriend. You're clearly not into her and don't care enough about her to not have sex with someone else so probably best to call it quits.
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Magnolia in talking sense shocker.
 
[FnG]magnolia;24841057 said:
Your friend got horny and you were a not unattractive temporary sexual partner but are an unattractive long term relationship partner. Hence the cold shoulder.

You should finish with your girlfriend. You're clearly not into her and don't care enough about her to not have sex with someone else so probably best to call it quits.
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You feeling ok Magnolia??? That made 1000% sense
 
Blazin23 said:
I don't think I've been here long enough. Does Magnolia normally not make sense? :p

Blazin
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Put a monkey on smack, cover it's eyes and place a thousand keyboards in a room. The keystroke-filled mess that ensues is pretty representative of a Magnolia post :p

...in a good way of course. Some posts are hilarious, others are more WUT? than anything else.
 
[FnG]magnolia;24841057 said:
Your friend got horny and you were a not unattractive temporary sexual partner but are an unattractive long term relationship partner. Hence the cold shoulder.

You should finish with your girlfriend. You're clearly not into her and don't care enough about her to not have sex with someone else so probably best to call it quits.
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The man speak sense!!

And yes, I'll do the typical response of saying it was pretty darn **** of you to cheat on your GF :( Even though things are dying out between you, no one deserves to be cheated on.
 
Meh well since the Friday night of heart to heart my interest has now announced her relationship with this other d*** at work as official so bridges burnt and move on I guess.

Totally friend zoned I reckon lol
 
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