Not wanting kids and dating

hurfdurf said:
Do you use condoms every time you have sex?
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No and yes I can see the hypocrisy in this. She has contraceptive pill and also cannot be pregnant whilst taking the medication she takes, like if she got pregnant she can't have it. So to be fair doubly irresponsible. I have no reason to doubt the effectiveness of the pill though and she always has remidners on her phone etc to take it.
 
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The whole contraception debates need to recognise that only half of those involved have ultimate say in the matter.

If a woman wants to have a child (if an accident occurs, there is nothing a man can do to stop it).

If a woman doesn't want to get pregnant & is willing to terminate then there is no chance of her having a child she doesn't want, additionally - a man may agree to have a child with a women but then she is well within her rights to terminate during the legal period if she so wishes regardless as to what the man thinks.

In both cases the couple can take measures to help prevent it occurring, but only one party has the ultimate say.

I'm not attempting to absolve men of the responsibility they also play, but the above is a pretty important difference between the choices of those involved.

Society also needs to be more accepting of people with different viewpoints which cause no objective harm - if a person doesn't want to have children, it may be simply because they don't want any, not because they are selfish.
 
elmarko said:
Society also needs to be more accepting of people with different viewpoints which cause no objective harm - if a person doesn't want to have children, it may be simply because they don't want any, not because they are selfish.
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My friend has made the choice not to have children and a lot of people are incredulous when she tells them.

Her own mother called her selfish and now has a strained relationship with her for 'depriving her of grandchildren' due to the fact my friend is an only child. :rolleyes:
 
AmyS said:
My friend has made the choice not to have children and a lot of people are incredulous when she tells them.

Her own mother called her selfish and now has a strained relationship with her for 'depriving her of grandchildren' due to the fact my friend is an only child. :rolleyes:
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I'm sure plenty of people who have come out as gay have had the same venomous verbal treatment from parents for "depriving" them of what they want! It's obvious who is really being selfish in your friend's situation. :)
 
AmyS said:
My friend has made the choice not to have children and a lot of people are incredulous when she tells them.

Her own mother called her selfish and now has a strained relationship with her for 'depriving her of grandchildren' due to the fact my friend is an only child. :rolleyes:
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There are a few childfree support groups on the internet and one of the main problems is other people having a problem with you not wanting children. As if they want you to experience the misery it can bring, and if you don't you are just showing them the life they are missing out on, often veiled under the guide of "oh but we are so happy children are amazing!".

Yet its misery that loves company...

People wanting to be grandparents take this a step further and if my parents attempted that kind of nonsense on me I would probably disown them for being such disgusting human beings.
 
Yas786 said:
Tbh i dont really understand why some people dont want kids at all, fair enough if you already have kids from previous marriages/relationships. But i dont know it just doesnt make any sense to me, the silly excuse of oh no my life is ruined because i have a little one now who will eat up my free time is about the most dumbest and stupidest excuse a person can come up with imho. Having a kid or kids doesnt necessarily mean your life is going to be impacted in a negative way, i may not be a father myself but having seen my middle brother have his 2 kids and still keep a peaceful life with his missus, shows me that this lame excuse really doesnt wash. Forgetting my brother but also a few of my mates have had kids and they havent said its negatively impacted their lives but rather it has enhanced their lives for the better.
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What kind of pathetic excuse for a life must you have if you don't think having to care for a baby is going to negatively effect its current state?!

What a bizarre and sheltered opinion to have.
 
Yas786 said:
I havent got any kids but i cant wait to have my own, been married for a few yrs and have enjoyed my married life so to speak and im not at the age where i do want to start my own family and have my kids carry on my name once im gone.

Ive dated women who have kids from a previous relationship and they dont want anymore kids, at that point i say goodbye and best of luck because ultimately i want my own kids. I couldnt take on some other guys kids and treat them as my own, well i could but it just wouldnt be the same.

Tbh i dont really understand why some people dont want kids at all, fair enough if you already have kids from previous marriages/relationships. But i dont know it just doesnt make any sense to me, the silly excuse of oh no my life is ruined because i have a little one now who will eat up my free time is about the most dumbest and stupidest excuse a person can come up with imho. Having a kid or kids doesnt necessarily mean your life is going to be impacted in a negative way, i may not be a father myself but having seen my middle brother have his 2 kids and still keep a peaceful life with his missus, shows me that this lame excuse really doesnt wash. Forgetting my brother but also a few of my mates have had kids and they havent said its negatively impacted their lives but rather it has enhanced their lives for the better.

But meh each to their own, just as people who have kids shouldnt force their views on people who dont want them, the same goes for the non parental people as well. And yes i have come across a few who have said to my mates, why did you have kids?? your life is ruined etc etc..
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Say two people are on minimum wage.. That's going to have a pretty big impact on your life.
I wouldn't even consider having kids unless me and my partner were on at least 30 k each. At least

It's quite arrogant to say not wanting kids is silly.
I wouldn't give a kid a good upbringing. I know this. It sounds like you think everyone should have children like a tax!
Just because you know some people who are happy/manage doesn't mean everyone will.

It's like saying it's silly for someone to not like chocolate cause everyone else you know does


I think it's disgusting when someone's family looks down on them because they want grandchildren etc. That's about the most selfish thing. As I said, luckily my parents think it's great I don'twant kids
 
hurfdurf said:
What kind of pathetic excuse for a life must you have if you don't think having to care for a baby is going to negatively effect its current state?!

What a bizarre and sheltered opinion to have.
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Considering it a negative impact is the problem.

So I no longer go to the cinema and watch a film, instead I spend 2 hours playing with my son - which activity do you think feels more enriching for me?

Instead of spending £500 on the latest gadget that I don't really need, I put the money towards a family holiday or savings for a better car / house / food / toys for my son. Did I really need that £500 gadget, or was the money better spent on something else?

I no longer stay in bed until 11am on the weekends, and instead wake up when my son gets up at 7am and actually do something with my day instead of slouching around. Which is more productive?

I have no problem with people leading childfree lives, but please don't assume that because I have a child I live an inferior life style.
 
ci_newman said:
Instead of spending £500 on the latest gadget that I don't really need, I put the money towards a family holiday or savings for a better car / house / food / toys for my son. Did I really need that £500 gadget, or was the money better spent on something else?

I no longer stay in bed until 11am on the weekends, and instead wake up when my son gets up at 7am and actually do something with my day instead of slouching around. Which is more productive?
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Just sounds like you're not getting to do what you really want.
 
Stop baiting me :p

If anything, my son has encouraged me to be a better, more productive person so I can be a good role model and provide for him and my family. It changed what my outlook on life was and what I wanted from it.
 
hurfdurf said:
What kind of pathetic excuse for a life must you have if you don't think having to care for a baby is going to negatively effect its current state?!

What a bizarre and sheltered opinion to have.
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Oh look its me stand and bang. Over reaction much???

Evidently you cant read nor comprehend what i was saying but rather resort to childish insults.

So until you grow the **** up and can have a reasonable adult conversation, i wont bother even answering your post.

This is what i meant by my first post on this topic, some people just cant accept other peoples opinions/views. I havent got an issue with people not wanting kids, their choice but i do find it hilarious with some of the excuses they come up with.

Lysander said:
I'm intrigued. Why do you think it's invalid? Seems perfectly valid to me.
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I didnt say it was invalid, more that i dont necessarily agree with you opinion :).
 
Yas786 said:
Oh look its me stand and bang. Over reaction much???

Evidently you cant read nor comprehend what i was saying but rather resort to childish insults.

So until you grow the **** up and can have a reasonable adult conversation, i wont bother even answering your post.
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Haha, u mad m8? Or just realising you made a silly post and don't have an answer to my rebuttal?
 
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