The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Some times memories don't go away, 2 years this month and many flings and one night stands later I still think every day about it.

Every day :(

Most of the time its just a little glimpse into the past and I forget and carry on with my day it does not bother me but that's just me ignoring the feelings. I still care and miss a lot of it.

Ive just become so emotionally blank.

Im so use to being selfish now I would rather be on my own and choose not to trust.

Uff 2 years.... sometimes time doesnt heal ****.
 
Abraxaz1 said:
Hey guys and girl, kinda need some advice.

So here is the whiny pathetic back story;
I've never been classed as a ladies man, as I have the same physical attractiveness as a major road accident. So I've not exactly the most confident person in the world when it comes to the opposite sex, in fact most cases I seem to be totally ignored. So please understand when I meet a girl that’s willing to talk to something like me, my first thought is not sex or anything in that general facility.

Anyway I decided to go on holiday by myself (all my friends are married or working abroad) and was surprised by girls actually being friendly to me, which is quite a switch from my normal life. Anyway I got a few new Facebook friends and invites to visit them in there home countries but this one girl happened to live near me back in the UK.

We seemed to hit it off, spending a lot of time in each others company as we explored the city and within the hostel, hell we spent six hours just talking to each other and if I'm going to be a hundred percent honest I fell for her, she's funny, confident and has the most amazing smile and worse poker face in the world. We traded Facebook messages as I had to leave the next day to catch my train back north.

Since then we've traded hundreds of message over Facebook and funny images, one day she figured out that I really liked her and she confronted me about my feelings, I admitted that I really liked her.
She then in the most kindest way turns me down, stating I'm not her type; tall dark and handsome.
The next couple of day's and nights she spends trying to apologise and make me feel better, whilst I keep telling her that it wasn't her fault simply a misunderstanding. In the end were now friends.

Roll on two weeks, the guy she's been really into turns out to be a complete and utter male chicken in every possible way. I then being a friend deal with the emotional fallout, as I am used to it and have quite a bit of wisdom in this area and manage to make her smile and laugh again, shes now currently following my advice which involves tell him where to go and to concentrate on her life instead of seeking someone else's approval.

The problem.
She facebook'd me that she’s going to Scotland for a couple of days and asked if I wanted to go, I said yes and now I'm completely screwed up, I thought I had killed my feelings for her but they keep resurfacing every time she texts me.

I really don't want to cut off like I do when I'm normally rejected because this girl is awesome to be around, we have so much fun. Its like I’m a completely different person. But I know I cant make someone return my feelings and I don’t want to force something that isn't there or flog a dead horse.

TL: DR
Boy meets girl, boy and girl have fun become friends. Boy devlopes feelings for girl, Girl shoots boy down, Boy and girl stay friends, Girl proposes that her and boy go on holiday together, boy is completely and utterly lost in the effluent storm that is his thoughts.

Anyway what do you guys recommend
Click to expand...

Mate I`d go with it, just try to look at her as a friend instead of a lover... Be confident and dont look needy....

I think love at first sight is load of bull crap, I have got attracted to people who I thought nothing about after spending some time with them, same thing could happen to you but you gotta play it cool.

By the looks of it, she considers you to be safe option... Theres nothing wrong with that but try to man up and take more charge of situation rather than let her do anything she wants.
 
Last edited:
Abraxaz1 said:
Hey guys and girl, kinda need some advice.

So here is the whiny pathetic back story;
I've never been classed as a ladies man, as I have the same physical attractiveness as a major road accident. So I've not exactly the most confident person in the world when it comes to the opposite sex, in fact most cases I seem to be totally ignored. So please understand when I meet a girl that’s willing to talk to something like me, my first thought is not sex or anything in that general facility.

Anyway I decided to go on holiday by myself (all my friends are married or working abroad) and was surprised by girls actually being friendly to me, which is quite a switch from my normal life. Anyway I got a few new Facebook friends and invites to visit them in there home countries but this one girl happened to live near me back in the UK.

We seemed to hit it off, spending a lot of time in each others company as we explored the city and within the hostel, hell we spent six hours just talking to each other and if I'm going to be a hundred percent honest I fell for her, she's funny, confident and has the most amazing smile and worse poker face in the world. We traded Facebook messages as I had to leave the next day to catch my train back north.

Since then we've traded hundreds of message over Facebook and funny images, one day she figured out that I really liked her and she confronted me about my feelings, I admitted that I really liked her.
She then in the most kindest way turns me down, stating I'm not her type; tall dark and handsome.
The next couple of day's and nights she spends trying to apologise and make me feel better, whilst I keep telling her that it wasn't her fault simply a misunderstanding. In the end were now friends.

Roll on two weeks, the guy she's been really into turns out to be a complete and utter male chicken in every possible way. I then being a friend deal with the emotional fallout, as I am used to it and have quite a bit of wisdom in this area and manage to make her smile and laugh again, shes now currently following my advice which involves tell him where to go and to concentrate on her life instead of seeking someone else's approval.

The problem.
She facebook'd me that she’s going to Scotland for a couple of days and asked if I wanted to go, I said yes and now I'm completely screwed up, I thought I had killed my feelings for her but they keep resurfacing every time she texts me.

I really don't want to cut off like I do when I'm normally rejected because this girl is awesome to be around, we have so much fun. Its like I’m a completely different person. But I know I cant make someone return my feelings and I don’t want to force something that isn't there or flog a dead horse.

TL: DR
Boy meets girl, boy and girl have fun become friends. Boy devlopes feelings for girl, Girl shoots boy down, Boy and girl stay friends, Girl proposes that her and boy go on holiday together, boy is completely and utterly lost in the effluent storm that is his thoughts.

Anyway what do you guys recommend
Click to expand...

It sounds like your gonna be plowing in Scotland for a few days, well played sir, well played.
 
Nate, Have a manhug! *no homo* lol

I kinda see where you are coming from, Sounds kinda similar to what I was like with one of my best friends, But she kept shooting me down for these lowly cowardly scum (one of them actually hit her) I was friends with her for nearly 10 years, but she eventually had a kid and the friendship withered after she started taking hard drugs (crack) :rolleyes:

Just get out there and live!

Don't waste months and years curling into yourself, because that's what I done and you'll miss out on so much ;)
 
Hoping this is the right place for this...


Been with a girl for around six months, and it's been going very well. Spent a lot of time together, now we've moved a bit further apart and are seeing each other at weekends (works for both of us as we're relatively busy people).

However, we seem to have gotten to a point where there's a few issues I don't know how to bring up. These seem very petty, but it could just be a case that the 'honeymoon period' is over and I'm started to be nagged by them.

She's stopped... ahem, presenting herself well around me. Claims she's comfortable enough not to, and so the her I often see is unshowered, in pyjamas, relatively unkempt.
She critcises my driving constantly, to the point that we argue, but continues to expect lifts (as she doesn't drive). Thinking about it, there's a few things she's very critical of, that I have to become very defensive about.
Has fallen off the fitness bandwagon - I'm pretty sure this is from being in a relationship - though this is one of the things we enjoy together and shared a passion for.

They do seem like petty things, but are things I want to address, because otherwise the relationship is going really well... What's the best way of bringing these up with her? I'm guessing not all at once would be a start!
 
Outline said:
Hoping this is the right place for this...


Been with a girl for around six months, and it's been going very well. Spent a lot of time together, now we've moved a bit further apart and are seeing each other at weekends (works for both of us as we're relatively busy people).

However, we seem to have gotten to a point where there's a few issues I don't know how to bring up. These seem very petty, but it could just be a case that the 'honeymoon period' is over and I'm started to be nagged by them.

She's stopped... ahem, presenting herself well around me. Claims she's comfortable enough not to, and so the her I often see is unshowered, in pyjamas, relatively unkempt.
She critcises my driving constantly, to the point that we argue, but continues to expect lifts (as she doesn't drive). Thinking about it, there's a few things she's very critical of, that I have to become very defensive about.
Has fallen off the fitness bandwagon - I'm pretty sure this is from being in a relationship - though this is one of the things we enjoy together and shared a passion for.

They do seem like petty things, but are things I want to address, because otherwise the relationship is going really well... What's the best way of bringing these up with her? I'm guessing not all at once would be a start!
Click to expand...

The arguments whilst driving is something that you need to get on top of especially if she doesn't drive, but the other items are pretty petty overall - what do you expect out of a long term relationship? She can't keep herself pruned every minute of the day and needs to unwind sometimes.

Why not take her out for dinner or something, give her an excuse to dress up?

As for the fitness point, why not start exercising together?
 
Nate Silvers, you need to move on. It doesn't matter what was what - because it's gone. Now it's time to look to the future. Just forget all that could have been. It didn't happen, and it will only hurt you more wondering.
 
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