Engagement Ring, Wedding & Saving House Deposit?

Mr Jones said:
TL;DR - I'm thinking of proposing and marrying my long term girlfriend whilst we're in the mist of clearing debt and saving for a house deposit, how should I approach this?
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1. Clear debt.
2. Get engaged when debt has gone.
3. Start saving for a house deposit.
4. Propose when house deposit is at 90%
5. Achieve deposit, acquire house.
6. Get married when money allows.

That's what I would do if limited by those circumstances.
 
Ahhh the cost of weddings.

Personally my wife and I couldn't justify the cost of a UK wedding so got married in Las Vegas for the princely sum of $550.00. $300 of which was for the 100-120 photographs taken which included the rights to reproduce the photographs. All in all our 6 day Las Vegas trip cost around £6000.00 but that included everything getting married, flights, accommodation at the Wynn, multiple trips/activities/shows every day and some extremely nice food and drink.

At the other end of the scale we recently went to an Indian wedding where the groom alone ponied up £90000.00 of his hard earned, on top of whatever the wife's family/his family contributed.

Ridiculous sum of money if you ask me. However it was the biggest, most lavish wedding I have been to. It's all just for show though and I hear it's social suicide for the family if you run out of food at these types of weddings. With the amount of people there and the amount of food we were given I imagine his food bill alone cost more than our entire Las Vegas trip several times over.

Did he have a nice day after spending all that money? Most definitely.

Did he have a better experience than my wife and i had at our wedding? Doubtful, maybe with the exception of driving around in a Lamborghini which is pretty awesome.
 
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robotCocks said:
utter madness

the house is - relatively - essential for you both. The marriage is not. You can have kids outside marriage - what does it matter?

the advice quoted by BB is insultingly bad.
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The advice quoted by myself is my opinion :rolleyes:

As also stated in my post, we have friends who have done it the way that you have suggested and we have no problem with that.

I was only offering another view for the OP to consider, rather than implying that that's how it should be - I think most of the other posters in this thread picked up on this...

BB x
 
cm1179 said:
lol

can we see the photos? i want to see what a £400k wedding looks like! did the queen serve drinks and elton john play the organ with bono singing?
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LOL! As I've said, you don't know my family. This is a huge deal socially, so a big event is needed.

I guess lots of you aren't from London, so its difficult to comprehend. But its not hard at all to spend 400k on a wedding in this city.
 
zegna said:
LOL! As I've said, you don't know my family. This is a huge deal socially, so a big event is needed.

I guess lots of you aren't from London, so its difficult to comprehend. But its not hard at all to spend 400k on a wedding in this city.
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It's also very easy not to spend 400k on a wedding in London.

We had the wedding we wanted and we did it our way without being pressured into what was expected of us and it cost us just under £7000. We didn't get into debt for that. Those that spend ridiculous money on a wedding seem more interested in the status and the show of it. For me that's not what a wedding should be about.

To the OP, buying a home together is a big commitment and your other half will probably realise that. I would try to clear your debts first, get your house deposit together and then worry about the paperwork and the party afterwards. I don't understand women who are desperate to get a ring on their finger (I should probably point out that I am female) and I'm not saying your OH is desperate for a ring but some seem to think that is all that matters. Be practical and it will all come together when it's meant to.
 
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400k wedding...haha

Such turd is only for willy waving. Willy waving is for pathetic people who value money over all else.
 
'Harry said:
400k wedding...haha

Such turd is only for willy waving. Willy waving is for pathetic people who value money over all else.
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As I said, you clearly aren't from the same background as me.

Bottom line, they can afford it. Lets keep in simple :)
 
Don't get married, if you're confident you'll both stay together until you die then why feel the need to prove it? Realistically your mutual love should not require a piece of paper or a ring.

Save for more important stuff - mortgage, kids future. No use spending money on pointless ceremonies.

If you really must get married for whatever reason (religion or something) just do a cheap £500 service, my parents wedding consisted of a small ceremony, then in their wedding gear got a lift to the pub where the reception was in their mates rover metro, cold cuts and drinks, jobs a goodun.

Quite where most people get the advertised £15-20k average is beyond me, and why they wouldn't put it toward a house even further so.
 
wedding does not have to be expensive, my one would have cost no more than a grand and that inuded the wedding dress and rings, we were lucky though as my wife is from devon and we were able to have out wedding here...

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oldway_Mansion

it only cost £35 as it is their registry office, obviously not a religious ceremony but was very nice, then rented the local rugby club to the reception and it was all round a brilliant night without the stresses that come with wedding planning and the stress of the day, I told my best man he didnt have to give a speach as I wanted everyone to ha e a good time. He did do an impromptu drink induced off the cuff speach in the end which was brilliant.

we did already have our own place though and this was 11 years ago and it was one of those part buy, part rent flats that doubled our money in 5 years meaning when mh first son came along we had a decent deposit to get a house.

If you already live together in what I can only guess is rented accommodation then why can you not stay there for longer? Get married first and drop out a sprog or 2. Maybe by then you and the economy will be in a better position to get a mortgage?
 
jamoor said:
I've always heard this, I think one would be crazy to spend £90,000 on a ring when a £5k will do.
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You earn £30,000 a month do you?... I smell a troll. :confused:

OP - I'm in a similar situation. Bought ring, proposed last year and getting married this year. The wedding is looking like its going to be about £15,000 all in and we have been very modest with it. Currently renting a 2 bed house for £950/month and trying to save towards a house deposit (10% LTV approx. £25k)....Stressful times indeed! :p
 
I'm like you, OP - except I proposed and took her ring shopping the next day. She knows that a wedding costs money and she knows we need to save a deposit so, after a brief chat, we decided on a modest engagement ring - several hundred quid got her a lovely ring in the traditional style she wanted and now we're saving for the wedding. It's only in April, but we're putting enough away and should be fine - we're spending more on the honeymoon (two weeks all inclusive in Mexico) than anything else.

We're renting at the moment and it's not that expensive and once the honeymoon is all done, we can get the deposit sorted. No rush - the market won't change much, I don't think.
 
If you're adamant that you want to get married, then propose to her. Sounds like she loves you anyway, you can get a ring pretty cheaply if you really want to get her a ring.

Our wedding cost <£2,000, for ~80 people with everything provided.
 
Mr Jones said:
We both know what we're aiming for, so it makes sense to focus on that...



Aye, the thought of just parents, siblings and a couple of close friends seems much better value than anything more grand...



I know I'm in quite a good place but I'm 28 this year. She's 26. Maybe I'm just pressuring myself to hit my goals I've got for "...when I'm 30..."



When did you start having kids? I've always thought I should have kids by when I'm 30, and as a traditionalist, I think we should be married before having kids... so that seems to add more pressure on myself I think...
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A womans fertility starts to drop off after 30 and the risk of genetic defects such as down syndrome increases considerably at 40. So I would say it is not old fashioned to start having kids by 30 - it is the sensible thing to do.
 
Similar boat,

Proposed on Christmas day with a £14.99 Argos ring :)
Then went ring shopping over the week after Christmas and bought another ring for £700.

Now trying to arrange wedding in roughly 6 month :S

We are looking at small ceremony in a church
(40 ppl approx)

Then back to a village hall for buffet/BBQ
We will supply all of the alcohol and soft drinks (no spirits as this would have broken the bank). All guests will be welcome to bring their own booze.

Then later in the evening another 60ish people will be joining us, for a larger warm buffet and curry, drinks and dancing.

We didnt want the standard Hotel style wedding that is too formal, people end up spending loads as its about £4-5 a drink etc.


Early figures are looking at 7k
 
I wouldn't bother with the whole "getting engaged" thing before you have your own house etc.

but then again, it depends on personal preferences. Mine (and my girlfriends) is:
House > Wedding > Kids
We're doing okay so far, we have the house, and are now getting pestered by every family member for the wedding.

I really don't see the point of prioritising a wedding over getting a house. The wedding is pretty much full deposit on a house (depending on where you live ofc).

In terms of getting a ring, are there any rings in the family that you can use? For me, her family are insisting that I use her great-nans ring. Which i'm happy about as I don't have to pay out for it, it means a lot to her, and it saves me the ring shopping. The only thing i'll need to do is get it re-set

To save for our house deposit, we both moved back in with our parents. Thankfully, we were only a few streets away and never spent a night without each other, just used to take it in turns at staying over each others houses. Set of clothes etc at each, sorted. Obviously, not ideal, but it saved us a lot of money. (£500+ each per month)
 
Indie said:
I wouldn't bother with the whole "getting engaged" thing before you have your own house etc.

but then again, it depends on personal preferences. Mine (and my girlfriends) is:
House > Wedding > Kids
We're doing okay so far, we have the house, and are now getting pestered by every family member for the wedding.

I really don't see the point of prioritising a wedding over getting a house. The wedding is pretty much full deposit on a house (depending on where you live ofc).

In terms of getting a ring, are there any rings in the family that you can use? For me, her family are insisting that I use her great-nans ring. Which i'm happy about as I don't have to pay out for it, it means a lot to her, and it saves me the ring shopping. The only thing i'll need to do is get it re-set

To save for our house deposit, we both moved back in with our parents. Thankfully, we were only a few streets away and never spent a night without each other, just used to take it in turns at staying over each others houses. Set of clothes etc at each, sorted. Obviously, not ideal, but it saved us a lot of money. (£500+ each per month)
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Exactly the same for me. House> wedding> kids. We have a house as of Monday coming. Wedding is already being talked about. Need to find a ring. She seems set on a Tiffany ring.
 
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