Guys, what do I say?

robfosters said:
Have any of you ever faced this dilemma?
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Yep.
October last year, got a call to say my mate had 3ish months to live.
Went to see him a couple days later on his birthday, didn't speak about his illness at all and acted as normal as possible. We didn't want to push up on the subject until he was ready to talk about it.
In character, he was just the same old guy we always knew.
He died on bonfire night, he only lived 1 month after being told he was terminal.
We managed to get him a day out at Donington to drive a Ferrari before he died though, and he invited us to dinner at a local pub where he actually decided to speak to us about his illness.
 
Just been & seen my mate, He spent 9 nights in Hospital but it was for the good as they monitored him & have changed up his medication so now he feels much less pain.
All we did was chat ****, Couple of mins about hospital/Cancer/sickness then the rest of the time chatting **** about Lambrettas Motorbikes Raleigh Choppers & other old stuff we both remember.
One thing that's worth knowing is that you feel a hundred times better after you've made a visit.
I'm going around again in the week, prob Wednesday & it'll be far easier now they have the pain under control. I keep telling him to stop being Brave & just get more drugs off them. I think after this Hospital visit he may well do that. I can't see any point suffering in your last weeks/months.
 
Well I got to see him although he was pretty much out of it, so the problem of what to say didn't become such a problem. Ended up sitting there for a couple of hours while he slept, then said goodbye.

He died at 3:30 this morning. Humane thing to happen really. He was in a lot of pain, dosed up with morphine and could barely breathe due to the pneumonia.

Funny thing is, a couple of hours after we got the news, my aunt phoned to say my cousin had just given birth to her first son. Talk about the circle of life!
 
So sorry to hear this OP, can't imagine how horrible it was for you. At least you got to say goodbye in some sense. Hope you are OK.
 
RIP to your mate robfosters, Glad you got to sit with him for a while and say goodbye before he went. We don't really know but under those circumstances it's good to think that he was aware that you were there with him.

Hard for you to see him like that but he's at peace now and you can try and remember the good times you had with him. You take care fella and good on you for going to see he before he passed away.

Brought tears to my eyes reading this thread, My dad passed away under similar circumstances over Christmas, I was shaking his hand and saying goodbye as he passed away, possibly the hardest thing ever but glad I got to be there for him I and believe he knew I was there with him..
 
I'm actually fine. I think I had already accepted it tbh.

One thing that has surprised me though is that his sons, who idolised him, and both gone off to work a mere 6 hours after their father has passed.

I don't know if I could do that.
 
People deal with grief in different ways, perhaps being busy and not thinking about it was how they felt both capable of dealing with what had happened.

Try not to judge them, and be ready to help them when they need it.
 
Sorry to hear that it was a lot shorter than hoped.

Some shocking "advice" in this thread, really highlights that a lot of people have never been in a similar situation because I guarantee that last thing they would say (or do) is any of what was written above.

If it was me, I would have gone to see him, not mentioned it, and just been normal (gone out, Xbox, Drive, Lunch, whatever). At that early stage, he hadn't even had chance to let it sink in to his own mind before someone comes around going "whoa, dude, sorry to hear you're terminal and will die soon".....

Sometimes, more often than not, saying nothing (but being there) is all that is required
 
robfosters said:
I'm actually fine. I think I had already accepted it tbh.

One thing that has surprised me though is that his sons, who idolised him, and both gone off to work a mere 6 hours after their father has passed.

I don't know if I could do that.
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It works for them, no pun intended, probably better than sitting at home alone brooding about it tbh.

Sorry for your friend, and my thoughts are with others in such situations.
 
robfosters said:
I'm actually fine. I think I had already accepted it tbh.

One thing that has surprised me though is that his sons, who idolised him, and both gone off to work a mere 6 hours after their father has passed.

I don't know if I could do that.
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Its probably the best thing to do tbh, when my father passed away my mother stayed at home and she got really down and grieved! which is obviously perfectly normal. But it got to her far more than me. With not having something to do/occupy your mind the thought of what's just happened can get to great..

My Condolences robfosters.
 
I have nothing to offer other than my thoughts and prayers. I'm so sorry for your loss. At least you had a moment to say goodbye to him.
 
He died already? Oh my god, that's terrible.

I'm glad you got to see him before he passed. RIP.
 
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