The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

You may not have cheated on your ex sexually but god man did you cheat on her emotionally! I would be very upset if my partner had another person sneaking around the house with them and staying up all night.

It has worked out for you so far, but don't lie to yourself - you were treating the girl as a second girlfriend.
 
ci_newman said:
You may not have cheated on your ex sexually but god man did you cheat on her emotionally! I would be very upset if my partner had another person sneaking around the house with them and staying up all night.

It has worked out for you so far, but don't lie to yourself - you were treating the girl as a second girlfriend.
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This.
 
You'll look back one day and realise you engineered this situation. Your woman is away all week and you're regularly swapping heart to hearts all night with an emotional young woman? You may have not been having a physical relationship, but you certainly were having an emotional one, so there's not going to be any room for your girlfriend. Really, what did you think was going to happen?

If you're happy with it, then that's your choice, but you're just fooling yourself if you think you were pushed into it or that it was all innocent and you're surprised it happened.
 
Two people with different sex drives never work, it gets too frustrating and eventually you'll fall out over it.

Ive been through it, was horny everyday but my ex was never interested, it led to us ending as i got so frustrated over it, i wanted to find someone else.

And you've also cut your friends out? Why? she's your girlfriend, not your mum.
 
Steampunk said:
You'll look back one day and realise you engineered this situation. Your woman is away all week and you're regularly swapping heart to hearts all night with an emotional young woman? You may have not been having a physical relationship, but you certainly were having an emotional one, so there's not going to be any room for your girlfriend. Really, what did you think was going to happen?

If you're happy with it, then that's your choice, but you're just fooling yourself if you think you were pushed into it or that it was all innocent and you're surprised it happened.
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Exactly what I was going to post.

Lighters said:

TLDR: I have a higher sex drive than her and its causing problems - will it ever work, can I fix it? How? I want to try!
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Unless you can talk about the whole relationship with her (hint: her insecurities and sexual appetite are likely linked) then you may as well get someone you're compatible with.
 
Lighters said:

TLDR: I have a higher sex drive than her and its causing problems - will it ever work, can I fix it? How? I want to try!

Need to advice:
Im 24
g/f 21

been together over a year and the honeymoon period is over. I absolutely love everything about her emotionally from the way she talks/moves but she has this tendency to get jealous about other girls no matter how much I reassure her shes the only one I want. It's got to the point I have cut/limited time with my other female friends as to not cause problems but this has led to me (changing for the worse imo, I dont want to change) but I did as it was worth it and wouldnt like her with other male friends but she didnt have ones like I had female. However, I still get picky/petty comments.

Since the above conversation she is convinced I treat her like my own personal sl*t when I tell her that its just her I want and only her I'm horny with. We used to have enough sex but she constantly thinks about it which leads to her saying she feels used so I get less sex and then I start doubting whether I can go for the move or will it piS* her off and I have then been horny all week and then get none.

I dont know whether to keep enduring (as I have the past 3 months hoping it would get better) and stick at it hoping she will realise shes the only one for me and the only one I want to have sex with and stop worrying about other girls.

Or

Should I end this doomed relationship and get someone more sexually compatible as shes not changing, theres all these talks but its just not happening (Things arent getting better). Thing is I love her to bits and dont want anyone else but after sex I want it again and again and she treats that like she doesnt satisfy me when its the complete opposite. I want it more because shes so good.

She has always said that she was worried we will fall apart because I always want more sex than her.

Thing is she really enjoys it and even gets really horny herself and sends me loads of texts and messaged but its just not as much as me, I try to explain to her when she says she cant wait, that I feel that way ALL the time but it doesnt work.

-Edit - today we had been looking for holidays until I dropped this bomb on her, bit awkward lol
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This can be annoying, people with totally different sex drives don't really work, it causes you to become frustrated.

I had a GF that was literally horny every 2 hours. Now I know it sounds like a man's best dream but it really is not. It was great for the first 2 months, but then it became an absolute chore and I was exhausted 24/7
 
Lighters said:

TLDR: I have a higher sex drive than her and its causing problems - will it ever work, can I fix it? How? I want to try!
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I had a similar issue with an ex, she had some personal issues that caused her sex drive to plummett, and while I was 18 at the time (she 19) I was a rampant leg humper, she felt I only wanted one thing, and any time I tried to show any affection, hugs, kisses, stroking the neck, she assumed I was trying to get her aroused, when most of the time I was just enjoying the contact.
After a while I'd travel half the country to see her (at uni at the time) end up having sex once when I got there, or while waiting for dinner to cook, and that was my lot.
Ended up with me feeling more like a "friend" or "companion" than a lover, so things ended.

Fast forward 5 years and we ended up getting back together (unintentionally), we'd hooked up a few times during those 5 years when we were both single and in the same area, or I took another cross country drive to go see her, but anyway, we got back together, had an open relationship so I was able to vent my sexual needs elsewhere and be there for her when she needed some of me, and of course the romantic side and support etc.

She got to have other partners (one of whom she left me for) cause he was a much more emotional person, somewhat broken as a human and she loved the sick puppy thing.

However:

Xire said:
This can be annoying, people with totally different sex drives don't really work, it causes you to become frustrated.

I had a GF that was literally horny every 2 hours. Now I know it sounds like a man's best dream but it really is not. It was great for the first 2 months, but then it became an absolute chore and I was exhausted 24/7
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I've had similar again, a few exes who would jump me any time I even looked at them, and fun for the first few months, when you're knackered and want to sleep, and they're groping and grunting, 'Other Mac' is going to respond whether he wants to or not! Which gets awkward trying to deter any action.
 
Seeing a girl for over a month now. She lives with her boyfriend (still calls him that) but he broke it off with her. She doesn't know why, maybe he cheated on her. He just stopped talking to her and checks his phone a lot more. I understand she's in a hard situation especially when a 7 year relationship just ends like that. She really likes me, we talk a lot and text each other all the time when were not together. She said she needs time to figure out what she needs to do. She doesn't want to make a decision too early and pick me or him and be thinking of the other person.
I want to be with her, but im not sure what to do, should I just be patient or maybe give her a deadline (that sounds bad) for a decision. I really don't know.
 
bakes0310 said:
Seeing a girl for over a month now. She lives with her boyfriend (still calls him that) but he broke it off with her. She doesn't know why, maybe he cheated on her. He just stopped talking to her and checks his phone a lot more. I understand she's in a hard situation especially when a 7 year relationship just ends like that. She really likes me, we talk a lot and text each other all the time when were not together. She said she needs time to figure out what she needs to do. She doesn't want to make a decision too early and pick me or him and be thinking of the other person.
I want to be with her, but im not sure what to do, should I just be patient or maybe give her a deadline (that sounds bad) for a decision. I really don't know.
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Rebound.

Let her sort out her emotional baggage before getting involved.
 
bakes0310 said:
Seeing a girl for over a month now. She lives with her boyfriend (still calls him that) but he broke it off with her. She doesn't know why, maybe he cheated on her. He just stopped talking to her and checks his phone a lot more. I understand she's in a hard situation especially when a 7 year relationship just ends like that. She really likes me, we talk a lot and text each other all the time when were not together. She said she needs time to figure out what she needs to do. She doesn't want to make a decision too early and pick me or him and be thinking of the other person.
I want to be with her, but im not sure what to do, should I just be patient or maybe give her a deadline (that sounds bad) for a decision. I really don't know.
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Wouldn't even bother any person with emotional baggage isn't worth the time. You end up loosing soon as he wants her back. The fact they still live together is a clear sign.
 
Exactly, she needs to sort out her baggage before you can have a meaningful relationship.

How are you going to date properly if you can't actually ever visit her house or spend time there?
 
bakes0310 said:
Ive been around the house when the boyfriend aint there. He knows about me and doesn't care.
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Stop trying to justify it to yourself, she's not ready for a full committed relationship yet. :p

She still refers to the ex as her boyfriend, they still live together and still have financial commitments together. If they were actually married would that change your view on it, because for all intents they are still existing as a couple like in marriage.

She doesn't want to make a decision too early and pick me or him and be thinking of the other person.
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She herself has said she isn't ready to decide whether to pick him or you which means she isn't ready for another relationship.

If you want to have some fun, go for it - but don't be surprised if she drops you like its hot when the other guy gets interested again.
 
Spank me if you think this isn't true, but, my opinion is that if a guy breaks it off with a girl, then she is a wreck - huge self confidence killer. Therefore she constantly thinks "what's wrong with me" and pines for the ex degrading herself along the way and not allowing anyone else into her life. However, if she is the one doing the ditching then she is over the boyfriend immediately.

Unfortunately for you, she was the one ditched.

My advice is be there for her, enjoy the ride so to speak, but I certainly wouldn't put too much effort into a relationship until she solves her issues and the ties to the ex.
 
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