The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

valve90210 said:
Having split up with my long term girlfriend back in January and the added complication of having a 2 year old son and a house together, I finally - in a moment of desperation and lonliness - I signed up for an online dating site.

Much to my surprise I was contacted by someone. After a lot of chatting via the website, she gave me her number and after a lot of texting we moved to whatsapp and have been chatting on there since.

After about 3 weeks or so of chatting we finally met up last Friday and had a really good evening, quiet drinks, playing pool, late night pizza, lots of chatting and laughing etc.

Anyway, since then we've continued to chat everyday and seem to be getting along well. We've spoken about meeting up again when we can (it's a bit tricky because she has kids and her ex has them 2 days a week but as he works shifts, it varies as to when he is having them so she can't be sure to far in advance when she'll be free).

I really like her and think we get on well but I just can't get my brain to stop being so damn paranoid and negative. Part of me has competely written it off because why would she be interested in me..and I just can't shake that feeling and that in turn fills me with despair and lonliness.

Don't really know what I'm hoping to achieve by posting in here, guess just wondering if other people experience this?
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Don't jump in with both feet, take your time. Having kids involved might make it tricky. When I met someone new(my current wife) after divorcing my first wife, my ex was peed off big time. Nose totally put out of joint. Made me seeing my daughter difficult due to jealousy. Just take time with it and good luck :)
 
Zefan said:
I've been in some pretty heart tearing situations myself as I tend to fall in love with any woman who pays me the slightest bit of attention (10 points for whoever gets that reference)
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old pull back, but what is this from. My brain seems to think zombieland

quick google seems to suggest eternal sunshine
 
krooton said:
I'm going to have to add myself to the list guys.

After a year of couples counselling, and with much sadness I have had to end our relationship as well. My own fault mainly for only realising in the last year that I categorically do not want any children, something I had been pretty ambivalent towards in my youngers years as it always seemed to be some far-future concept rather than reality.

I do care for her, but for all the compromises relationships can involve, I don't think having/not having kids isn't one of them. You both have to be on the same page for that to work. :(

We are dealing with it slowly. no need to rush anything as we haven't fallen out, but it's still a very sad time.
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is this the girl you met on pof two or more years ago? remember reading about you getting with her! gutted for you mate, but the kids thing really is a deal breaker.
 
Need some advice guys stuck between two girls :D

So firstly one of them lives 5 hours away and is now moving to America for 2 years and is one year older than me.

The second girl is about 15 mins away from me but is two years younger than me.

Based on the Info what girl would you choose? For some reason I just can't seem to drag myself to stop talking to the one who's moving to America :(
 
If the spark is there, then that's the one to go for.
However America is bluddy far, and can you deal with the idea of a bourbon-drinking Texan hanging out the back of her? :o

In this situation, I'd smash the local and not actually properly date either. Maybe when she returns?
 
Rudeboy1 said:
Need some advice guys stuck between two girls :D

So firstly one of them lives 5 hours away and is now moving to America for 2 years and is one year older than me.

The second girl is about 15 mins away from me but is two years younger than me.

Based on the Info what girl would you choose? For some reason I just can't seem to drag myself to stop talking to the one who's moving to America :(
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What's the point of being with someone if you are can't be with them? Especially if they care so little for you that they are going to be on another continent for the next couple of years? Long distance romances rarely work.

Choose the woman that is going to be there for you, and live your life. If the other woman ever comes back and you're both still free agents, then get together again and see what happens.
 
Teknobry said:
is this the girl you met on pof two or more years ago? remember reading about you getting with her! gutted for you mate, but the kids thing really is a deal breaker.
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5 years ago, yeah, also my longest relationship by a magnitude of 3. :(

Proper deal breaker, like I'm considering a vasectomy level deal breaker, really don't want kids.
 
krooton said:
5 years ago, yeah, also my longest relationship by a magnitude of 3. :(

Proper deal breaker, like I'm considering a vasectomy level deal breaker, really don't want kids.
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Neither did I mate, to the point that my wife and I almost split because she really did want them and I really didnt.

Then I realised that I wanted to be with her, and part and parcel of that was to have kids.

We have 2 amazing children now, and the second that our first was born my feelings about the whole kids thing changed, I had a son....I had a responsibility for life that far exceeded sitting in my underpants playing games and watching TV, socialising or anything else at all for that matter....in short I suppose I grew up and became a "real" adult almost immediately.

My wife and I are now divorced, but my god im soooo glad that ive got my kids, it means that I will never be lonely, and I will always have someone in my life to love and be loved by.
 
zootfloot said:
but my god im soooo glad that ive got my kids, it means that I will never be lonely, and I will always have someone in my life to love and be loved by.
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Same here apart from the divorce. I have a son with my ex and we are great friends still. I was adamant I didn't want children for a long time until the little one suddenly 'appeared'.
 
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zootfloot said:
Neither did I mate, to the point that my wife and I almost split because she really did want them and I really didnt.

Then I realised that I wanted to be with her, and part and parcel of that was to have kids.

We have 2 amazing children now, and the second that our first was born my feelings about the whole kids thing changed, I had a son....I had a responsibility for life that far exceeded sitting in my underpants playing games and watching TV, socialising or anything else at all for that matter....in short I suppose I grew up and became a "real" adult almost immediately.

My wife and I are now divorced, but my god im soooo glad that ive got my kids, it means that I will never be lonely, and I will always have someone in my life to love and be loved by.
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TheMeekon said:
Same here apart from the divorce. I have a son with my ex and we are great friends still. I wad adamant I didn't want children for a long time until the little suddenly 'appeared'.
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These are hardly 2 compelling arguments for him to change his mind!
 
krooton said:
5 years ago, yeah, also my longest relationship by a magnitude of 3. :(

Proper deal breaker, like I'm considering a vasectomy level deal breaker, really don't want kids.
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5 years?! wow how that has flown! honestly felt less than 2 years ago i was reading and posting in the online dating thread.
 
ci_newman said:
That was going so well until:



:p
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Yeah, she cheated but it still doesn't change the arguments, the kids are very settled and actually spend more quality time with both parents now than they did before.

My ex and I aren't exactly friends, but we certainly aren't enemies where the kids are concerned, they are the No1 priority in both our lives.

Diesel said:
These are hardly 2 compelling arguments for him to change his mind!
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Agreed, however the potential for divorce after many years in a happy relationship shouldn't deter anyone from having kids, you never know what's round the corner as they say, and it can happen in ANY marriage or relationship.

Its always a great shame when two people part, no matter the reasons...it would be nice if everyone were on the same wavelength, unfortunately they just aren't.
 
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Quick question for general advice/opinions

Girlfriend and me been together 4 months and abit. All good and well until recently one of her old friends (who was a friend of mine a long time ago but we fell out on bad terms) has come back into her life and is doing anything and everything to split us up to the point my girlfriend has actually left me once but obviously came back (why did i go back?:S) its all come up again last night and now am stuck thinking is this even worth it or should i just walk :/
 
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