The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

In the end, you should want to be with someone who wants to be with you, end of story. Anything less is not what anyone deserves.

It's difficult after a break-up when you get attached emotionally, as you don't really have any control over your emotions. You feel the way you feel. That doesn't mean you should let your emotions control you. Realising that someone doesn't want to be with you, and doesn't feel the same way that you do, should help you to move on. Hopefully you'll find someone that wants to spend time with you, and makes you feel good about yourself instead of making you feel terrible.

If someone isn't that into you, then move on and find someone better who is.
 
But it should also mean that you should take note of your behaviour.

Your posts in TIAM/dating things have shown that you have a very particular personality and that you're every bit as demanding as this bloke was. Odds are you'd have gotten tired of him if he hadn't of you first.

Not being harsh, just a viewpoint for you to consider.

(incoming **** storm in 3...2..1..).
 
krooton said:
......

Proper deal breaker, like I'm considering a vasectomy level deal breaker, really don't want kids.
Click to expand...

I'd seriously consider this if you don't want kids.

It means going in to future relationships you don't have the issue of kids being a problem.

I had four kids, split up with their mum and didn't want any more kids if I met someone else, so had the snip.

The last thing you want to is meet someone else and go through this again.
 
nst68 said:
I'd seriously consider this if you don't want kids.

It means going in to future relationships you don't have the issue of kids being a problem.

I had four kids, split up with their mum and didn't want any more kids if I met someone else, so had the snip.

The last thing you want to is meet someone else and go through this again.
Click to expand...

The male pill can't come any sooner (fnar fnar).
 
krooton said:
The male pill can't come any sooner (fnar fnar).
Click to expand...

Get the snip done!

5mF4xcm.jpg
 
krooton said:
Perhaps it's that weird 'treat em mean' thing rearing it's head. Sometimes when you put in the effort and the person acts all aloof, you think you need to try harder, rather than realising that the other person is just a douche.
Click to expand...
Indeed, but it can work both ways.

Some people often act aloof to not look too keen (as some find that off-putting) - putting people into a position they have to take a gamble - either coming across as not caring or clingy & over-keen.
 
Would be so much simpler if people didn't have to play all these games, not contacting someone when you want to because it might look bad etc. Makes me not want to bother with dating/relationships sometimes.
 
Broken Hope said:
Would be so much simpler if people didn't have to play all these games, not contacting someone when you want to because it might look bad etc. Makes me not want to bother with dating/relationships sometimes.
Click to expand...
Indeed, it's a reactive thing though.

The real problem is how quickly people pass judgement of others being over the top clingy or dismissive, as this creates a tension which many feel the need to try to predict - ending up acting unnaturally.

Be relaxes & take is slow is that I'd suggest for all involved - if something really doesn't care then it should be obvious, if that's the case end it.
 
Gawd... I can't stop listening to this song today, it's almost like she's singing my thoughts :o


It's a sad song but it's actually quite comforting listening to it and I don't feel too miserable today. Not shed a tear so far! :D
 
So after like a year of moaning that ive wanted a girlfriend etc....

Now ive been meeting up with a girl i met up through online dating (met up about 7-8 times, nothing official or exclusive)
and im not really feeling "into it" if that makes sense, as in i cant see it going anywhere.

im starting to feel happier on my own (which is stupid after moaning for over a year!)

The girl has a very nice personality and is great fun, i just dont feel "it"
I cant do casual relationships, just ends up hitting the fan in my experience.

Now i have to think about how to let the girl down!
also thinking about deleting my online dating profile and letting the universe decide! haha
 
FatFishMonster said:
So after like a year of moaning that ive wanted a girlfriend etc....

Now ive been meeting up with a girl i met up through online dating (met up about 7-8 times, nothing official or exclusive)
and im not really feeling "into it" if that makes sense, as in i cant see it going anywhere.

im starting to feel happier on my own (which is stupid after moaning for over a year!)

The girl has a very nice personality and is great fun, i just dont feel "it"
I cant do casual relationships, just ends up hitting the fan in my experience.

Now i have to think about how to let the girl down!
also thinking about deleting my online dating profile and letting the universe decide! haha
Click to expand...

The same thing happened with me at the start of the year, luckily she offered me a way out (as I was going to Amsterdam) and I took it. I liked her but that was it, I just couldn't see her as my girlfriend and I was starting to feel like a bit of a **** for maybe leading her on.
 
FatFishMonster said:
So after like a year of moaning that ive wanted a girlfriend etc....

Now ive been meeting up with a girl i met up through online dating (met up about 7-8 times, nothing official or exclusive)
and im not really feeling "into it" if that makes sense, as in i cant see it going anywhere.

im starting to feel happier on my own (which is stupid after moaning for over a year!)

The girl has a very nice personality and is great fun, i just dont feel "it"
I cant do casual relationships, just ends up hitting the fan in my experience.

Now i have to think about how to let the girl down!
also thinking about deleting my online dating profile and letting the universe decide! haha
Click to expand...

Odd how you sound like me.

Hate being alone. The second stuff gets going serious.. Run for it quick i like my freedom

Im trapped though :')
 
two for two grumpy tuesday

Makes me laugh about how people 'just aren't feeling it' with someone who they've only met 7 or 8 times.

Come on, either you're all super experienced lothario's, or you've only known someone for a day or two in total.

Sorry guys, but you just don't get to know what people are about in such a short time.
Fair enough, if there's nothing redeeming about the person (but why would you have gone on more than one date with someone you didn't find attractive in some way?), then call it quits.
But all of the whining and bitching about how crap women are and when you have a opportunity to figure out if you get along ...and you bail before you've even got to know them even a little better?

Seriously, what are you expecting out of a few dates? To find 'the one'? You haven't even begun to scratch the surface.

With that in mind, you're taking it all so very seriously, and over-thinking the situation. Just roll with it and have some fun ffs.

I don't mean to be harsh, chaps, but it sounds like you have no idea about what you really want. And if that's the case, don't involve anyone else in your confusion - it will only **** them off.
:o
 
Last edited:
jumpy said:
Makes me laugh about how people 'just aren't feeling it' with someone who they've only met 7 or 8 times.

Come on, either you're all super experienced lothario's, or you've only known someone for a day or two in total.

Sorry guys, but you just don't get to know what people are about in such a short time.
Fair enough, if there's nothing redeeming about the person (but why would you have gone on more than one date with someone you didn't find attractive in some way?), then call it quits.
But all of the whining and bitching about how crap women are and when you have a opportunity to figure out if you get along ...and you bail before you've even got to know them even a little better?

Seriously, what are you expecting out of a few dates? To find 'the one'? You haven't even begun to scratch the surface.

With that in mind, you're taking it all so very seriously, and over-thinking the situation. Just roll with it and have some fun ffs.

I don't mean to be harsh, chaps, but it sounds like you have no idea about what you really want. And if that's the case, don't involve anyone else in your confusion - it will only **** them off.
:o
Click to expand...

IMO, you can from early on weather you would enter into that relationship with that person, just by their initial personality and mannerism's.

Its all well and good having fun, but have to consider their feelings, i wouldn't feel comfortable knowing i was leading them on or using them.
Better to be straight with them and minimize the hurt before they get the wrong impression.
i know what its like to be strung along for a few months then to be dropped.
 
Just broke up with girlfriend of 2 and a half years; Complicated reasons.

Haven't had this sad feeling before.
Not really sure how I can make myself feel better.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom