The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Radec said:
Just broke up with girlfriend of 2 and a half years; Complicated reasons.

Haven't had this sad feeling before.
Not really sure how I can make myself feel better.
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Take your time, don't rush things and do stuff to take your mind off it.

Is this break up final?

The way I dealt with my break up after 2 years was a clean start, deleted numbers, photos and memories.

But like I said, don't rush into it.

Can I ask what the reason is you've parted ways?
 
Clov!s said:
Take your time, don't rush things and do stuff to take your mind off it.

Is this break up final?

The way I dealt with my break up after 2 years was a clean start, deleted numbers, photos and memories.

But like I said, don't rush into it.

Can I ask what the reason is you've parted ways?
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Long distance, long story short, I don't know if i loved her enough for the outcome.
 
So, today I found out that my ex fiancee (we broke up about 2/3 months ago) cheated on me when we were still together. I know I shouldn't care, but it brings back that initial pain back if I am totally honest. The one person I thought I knew, the one person who I thought cared for me, could do this - breaks me up a little.

I am trying to not let it get the best of me, but it's hard, ya'no? It also makes it that every girlfriend I have had, has cheated on me. That luck eh?

Just felt like I needed to vent.
 
MrJohnSherry said:
So, today I found out that my ex fiancee (we broke up about 2/3 months ago) cheated on me when we were still together. I know I shouldn't care, but it brings back that initial pain back if I am totally honest. The one person I thought I knew, the one person who I thought cared for me, could do this - breaks me up a little.

I am trying to not let it get the best of me, but it's hard, ya'no? It also makes it that every girlfriend I have had, has cheated on me. That luck eh?

Just felt like I needed to vent.
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OUCH! Sorry for 'butting in' but are we talking about 1/2 here, or 5+? Because if it's a 'large' number (5+) then maybe you are doing something bad yourself.

I knew a couple who were kind strict with each other. Joint facebook account, they remove friends who tend to post a lot of photos, they didn't allow each other to go out without one another. They used to meet EVERY ****ING DAY, couldn't basically have friends of the other sex etc. Sounded horrible from an outside perspective.

Don't think any of them cheated (it's over now btw), but I think if I would be in something similar, first thing I would do is find a girl that isn't my ex or my mum.
 
FatFishMonster said:
IMO, you can from early on weather you would enter into that relationship with that person, just by their initial personality and mannerism's.

Its all well and good having fun, but have to consider their feelings, i wouldn't feel comfortable knowing i was leading them on or using them.
Better to be straight with them and minimize the hurt before they get the wrong impression.
i know what its like to be strung along for a few months then to be dropped.
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So why the 7-8 dates? That seems like stringing them along to me. :confused:

The Lemon Law applies to dating as well as used cars.
 
The__Malteser said:
OUCH! Sorry for 'butting in' but are we talking about 1/2 here, or 5+? Because if it's a 'large' number (5+) then maybe you are doing something bad yourself.

I knew a couple who were kind strict with each other. Joint facebook account, they remove friends who tend to post a lot of photos, they didn't allow each other to go out without one another. They used to meet EVERY ****ING DAY, couldn't basically have friends of the other sex etc. Sounded horrible from an outside perspective.

Don't think any of them cheated (it's over now btw), but I think if I would be in something similar, first thing I would do is find a girl that isn't my ex or my mum.
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That makes it 3 mate! Maybe it is me, to be honest it's the first thing I thought of! But non of them "blamed" me for cheating, in fact only one of them has ever been honest about it. The other two I found out via other means :/

Strict though I am not, I am an easy going kind of guy, don't really get jealous or try to smother other people.
 
Radec said:
Just broke up with girlfriend of 2 and a half years; Complicated reasons.

Haven't had this sad feeling before.
Not really sure how I can make myself feel better.
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Pretty much nothing you can do other than cut contact, keep busy, do some sport etc

I remember being heartbroken by an ex, used to cry quite a bit !

Now shes with someone else, and i'm happy for her. It just gets easier with time.
 
Theophany said:
So why the 7-8 dates? That seems like stringing them along to me. :confused:

The Lemon Law applies to dating as well as used cars.
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I'd agree with this, the last girl I was seeing, we only had 2 dates before we started seeing each other, then she dropped me saying she wasn't ready for a relationship.

I'd of much preferred her to say after the second she wasn't feeling it, I'd be pretty annoyed if she waited until some time had passed!
 
Still in a relationship i don't know why at times but i feel like im doing the wrong thing i suppose guilt (even though i aint done anything) is setting in and knowing im delaying the inevitable. Speaking to someone quite a lot and its making me notice more and more my relationships far from what i wish it was :/ Its easier to walk away now i know but i will hurt her regardless.

I suppose its not even because im interested in this other girl at all (she is engaged and deeply in love) i just have seen this isn't going correctly for me. Since we started iv changed all my life i moved away for work seeing her twice a week (weekend) its a very strained relationship at times as i have bad days a lot and despite her only trying to be nice and cheer me up i know deep down she can't via sms/phone etc its not the same as just having someone to jump into bed next to and cuddle.

Life goes on :/ suppose im glad she didn't cheat on me though and i had to end it (like the last two) :(
 
Unicorn said:
Still in a relationship i don't know why at times but i feel like im doing the wrong thing i suppose guilt (even though i aint done anything) is setting in and knowing im delaying the inevitable. Speaking to someone quite a lot and its making me notice more and more my relationships far from what i wish it was :/ Its easier to walk away now i know but i will hurt her regardless.

I suppose its not even because im interested in this other girl at all (she is engaged and deeply in love) i just have seen this isn't going correctly for me. Since we started iv changed all my life i moved away for work seeing her twice a week (weekend) its a very strained relationship at times as i have bad days a lot and despite her only trying to be nice and cheer me up i know deep down she can't via sms/phone etc its not the same as just having someone to jump into bed next to and cuddle.

Life goes on :/ suppose im glad she didn't cheat on me though and i had to end it (like the last two) :(
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Am I the only one having trouble deciphering this lol
 
Ended a 'thing' i had going recently with a girl. Wasn't quite a relationship however we were seeing each other. It was all quite civil and i wasn't too bothered as it seemed i needed to let her go to find herself somewhat. I now find out that she had been lying to me in the last few days on stuff i was asking about ( nothing specific to our relationship ) and i always thought i could tell when she was lying however it seems i couldn't. There was the possibility that i could now have been cheated on. I feel like i wish to go back and point out where she was lying and ask again if i was cheated on. I did breach the cheated on bit when we were ending things but trusted her when she said she didn't...But seeing as she lied about the other stuff to do with work i'm questioning it all

I really know i shouldn't go back and confront, but i feel the need to. Do i ? :o
 
birdysaver said:
Ended a 'thing' i had going recently with a girl. Wasn't quite a relationship however we were seeing each other. It was all quite civil and i wasn't too bothered as it seemed i needed to let her go to find herself somewhat. I now find out that she had been lying to me in the last few days on stuff i was asking about ( nothing specific to our relationship ) and i always thought i could tell when she was lying however it seems i couldn't. There was the possibility that i could now have been cheated on. I feel like i wish to go back and point out where she was lying and ask again if i was cheated on. I did breach the cheated on bit when we were ending things but trusted her when she said she didn't...But seeing as she lied about the other stuff to do with work i'm questioning it all

I really know i shouldn't go back and confront, but i feel the need to. Do i ? :o
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Depends, had you agreed to be exclusive with each other? As you say you were not 'in a relationship' which would imply you did not.
 
MrJohnSherry said:
Strict though I am not, I am an easy going kind of guy, don't really get jealous or try to smother other people.
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Perhaps that's the problem. Being too aloof can be as much as a turn-off as being too clingy. Showing just the right amount of jealousy shows that you do care, showing too much signals deeper-seated problems.

As with most of life, it's a fine balance.
 
Theophany said:
Perhaps that's the problem. Being too aloof can be as much as a turn-off as being too clingy. Showing just the right amount of jealousy shows that you do care, showing too much signals deeper-seated problems.

As with most of life, it's a fine balance.
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And, rather annoyingly, only something that can be learned from experience, and even then there is no hard and fast rule as everyone is different.
 
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