Life just took a divebomb - 8 Years down the pan.

[Castiel]

I didn't even insinuate that you're telling him to do anything(that's a remarkable leap by the way), I'm just pointing out how much of a farce it is in general that people will often jump to conclusions and act without thinking, which leads on to the following.

What I said in more simplistic terms is;
You said not to assume, I gave a counter argument to also not assume, if you're going to be throwing around things like..

but it might be worth it as it might well make him feel better
Sometimes it can. Like I said, you shouldn't be assuming how a person feels just because that's how you feel.

Can you not understand how you're not doing yourself any favours when multiple people think you're saying the exact opposite of what you're trying to convey.
Even if you later explain you don't condone it, those words sounds exactly like the sort of thing someone condoning it does. Next time just take the extra 10 seconds to type that.

Lastly as far as two reads of David's posts go, in this universe none of us knew this "chap" knew, not until after I stated it. I'm happy to be proved wrong because I missed that one sentence but I'm very sure he didn't mention it.
I mean go head, show me where he said that without an edited post, show me where I went wrong. Do it. David even said "Well he must have known".: That doesn't sound very affirmative if he isn't sure himself.

Seems like you typed up a nice long explanation to cover up your admission in there somewhere that you were wrong. I didn't say I did not not condone it either, I made no position at all...so another assumption on your part.

You see my very language in the part you quoted clearly shows that I am making no assumptions or judgements regarding either the OP or any moral or legal consequences as you can clear read the terms 'might be' and 'sometimes' therefore I made no assumptions so your comment was pointless and without merit. That people cannot read correctly is their problem not mine, perhaps they should take the extra 10 seconds to read it correctly.

David did say that his friend (who works with this guy) told him that the chap liked someone and it was 'complicated and he was off work going around the Lake District,' in his OP... This was obviously before you made your erroneous commentary. You did however explicitly state that I made an assumption that the guy knew in my statement and I quote"

"I like how you assume the new guy she's seeing even knows she was in a current relationship,"

This explicitly implies that I was referring to the OP, therefore contextually I was assuming a direct response and instruction to the OP...as I was not, I was countering something someone else said, it is largely unrelated to the OP's situation. I was neither making the assumption that the guy knew anything or giving advice to the OP on a course of action. The only way you could think I was making an assumption about whether the OP's girlfriends new fella knew she was in a relationship prior to theirs is to accept that I was directly responding to the OP. So no, it wasn't a leap at all...you made an erronous assumption due to either inability or not taking the time to process what was being said in the context presented and will not admit it. If you are now clarifying that you were not saying that I was assuming anything of the New Guy, then fair enough, although I'm sure if you are objective your statement does seem rather clear in its content.

So perhaps you should take your own advice before offering it to those that don't actually need it.

 

[I_am_not_Carabia83]

You all make sense it's just hard to follow. Like not seeing her at all.. but I really want answers, i'm not sure for what reason but damn. Is that wrong or will do harm?

Nothing anyone can say will make you feel any differently.

It's absolutely normal to want answers, you have lots of questions, and they're probably going round in your head non stop, you probably can't concentrate on anything, and you probably feel like absolute crap (i'm talking from experience).

But you won't get those answers, and even if you did they won't make you feel any better.

Don't let someone ruin even more of your life, e.g by letting it affect your work etc.

There are plenty of women out there, and while it may feel like she was one of a kind, you'll meet someone who is better.

The reality is it's going to take time for you to stop feeling the way you do, and there isn't a shortcut to making those feelings go away any quicker.

I personally would avoid any contact with her, as it won't help at all, all it will do is make the whole recovery process take much longer, as every time you meet you'll just start feeling even crapper, as you'll either argue, or get frustrated that you're not getting the answers you want. And if you ever tried getting back together you'd likely be paranoid that she was doing something with someone, every time the phone would go off, or she'd be out you'd be driving yourself crazy wondering what she was doing, this would then cause arguments, and then likely give her a reason to justify doing something again.

Best thing to do is try moving on, and that means cutting her off, you have no ties so you're in a good situation, honestly you'd be much worse if you had children as you'd always have a tie with her...

I would change my number and forget trying to contact her, if anything it'll probably get to her that you're not trying to contact her, as she's likely expecting it. Show her that you're moving on. Life is too short, and do you really want to waste time on someone that left without the decency of telling you why she was leaving.

If she couldn't spare the time, you shouldn't waste any more of yours on her.

 

[ChrisJSY]

Stuff

You assumed stuff, I assumed stuff but it's at the point where trying to translate exactly what's being said is like trying to untangle a spiders web, which I incidentally have got caught in.

You quite literally advocated violence if it made the OP feel better.
In my book, that makes you something that'll get me temp banned.

 

[Castiel]

You assumed stuff, I assumed stuff but it's at the point where trying to translate exactly what's being said is like trying to untangle a spiders web, which I incidentally have got caught in.

Nope, I assumed nothing. You did that all by yourself.

You quite literally advocated violence if it made the OP feel better.
In my book, that makes you something that'll get me temp banned.

There is the problem..I clearly did not advocate anything to the OP neither literally or figuratively. The point was nothing to do with what the OP should or should not do, but assumptions made about how someone might feel or whether such actions were worth it to the individual, or might not as the case may be and making judgements about a person based on those assumptions.

Again, you made some assumptions and then made a judgement about a persons character or opinion based solely on that assumption.

In short, you were and remain wrong about the content of what I said and the judgements you based upon that. Literally.

 

[ChrisJSY]

There is the problem..I clearly did not advocate anything to the OP neither literally or figuratively.

You didn't act the same when krooton and glaucus said the same thing, you said "Sometimes people deserve a punch on the nose and sometimes it does make you feel better.."

If that's not condoning or advocating, which is basically has the same definer in this conversation. With me? I don't quite get that same level of response.
Why is that? Why do they get to call you out on it but when I'm at least the third person to, does it not make you wonder if maybe you worded it a little off for us to not understand you entirely?

Because I don't see anyone else believing you or taking your stance.

 

[Castiel]

You didn't act the same when krooton and glaucus said the same thing, you said "Sometimes people deserve a punch on the nose and sometimes it does make you feel better.."

If that's not condoning or advocating, which is basically has the same definer in this conversation. With me? I don't quite get that same level of response.

Note the term "Sometimes"...it is not an avocation of a specific action toward the OP or in any specified situation. And you seem to be cherry picking now as there are other responses in which the position is clarified. The first one to Glaucus in the context of his opinon for example:

I'd kick the guys ass

Do not do this, this is a stupid post. It won't make you feel better, it'll make things a million times worse.

Yeah, it would probably make things a million times worse, but it might be worth it as it might well make him feel better. You cannot possibly judge how an individual might feel after gaining some form of retribution, no matter how superficial it might be or the consequences therein.

clearly this was about his stance on how an individual might feel about the consequences and emotionally about a specific course of action. It wasn't about the OP or what he should or should not do. If you have such a strong opinion about it, like Glaucus you should take it up with the person who actually advocated the course of action to the OP, Arknor..that goes for Krooton as well. Strangely you would all rather argue, albeit rather awkwardly and ineffectually with me over something that I did not advocate to the OP in the first place.

Why is that? Why do they get to call you out on it but when I'm at least the third person to, does it not make you wonder if maybe you worded it a little off for us to not understand you entirely?

I told them the same thing. As I said, it is your problem if you cannot understand the context, or make assumptions on what is being said, this equally stands for Glaucus or Krooton or whoever.

It is worded clearly enough, the terms used are very clearly defined, and have been clarified, more than once now.

Because I don't see anyone else believing you or taking your stance.

I don't care whether people agree with me or not, its probably because they understood the point being made and I said what I said, it was clarified and it stands. Imply I am lying if you want, that just illustrates you have lost control of the discussion.

 

[Nix]

Guys, pack the pointless bickering in will you?

 

[LOAM]

Don't ask why!

There are no answers David, things like this happen for a multitude of reasons that are often difficult to pin down as a single entity. If you ask her to explain you will receive a spur of the moment answer, likely one that is hurtful. The reality often is sadly, it just is.

I can say don't put yourself through it, knowing fine well you will, but seriously don't put yourself through it, there's nothing worse and it's often not even the truth.

 

[Castiel]

Guys, pack the pointless bickering in will you?

He stops and accepts what I have said and the clarifications therein then I will have no need to defend myself.

 

[Pestilence]

He stops and accepts what I have said and the clarifications therein then I will have no need to defend myself.

Would punching him on the nose make you feel better?

 

[checjb]

Sorry to hear your tale, OP. I'm sure it won't make a lot of difference to you but I'll relay a quick tale of my own in the hopes it might help in some way.

3.5 years ago my wife walked out on me for one of her colleagues. I was gutted as I had no idea it was coming. I spent a year on my own working through it, getting the divorce sorted and reaching the point where I wanted to date again. This May I got married to an amazing woman, gained a beautiful step-daughter and couldn't be happier. My only regret from the entire period was that I broke down one night about 2 weeks after she left and begged her to come back. That burns to this day because it was just fear talking and not a good decision overall.

Best of luck with your new life. You have no ties (having to speak to my ex because of our son is an unwanted bind) so get out there and live it well.

 

[Castiel]

Would punching him on the nose make you feel better?

Nope. There is a time and place for everything however, although this is not one that requires physical force to be applied to the situation.

 

[Tone1979]

Throw yourself in to your work, don't let that suffer or you'll go even further downhill. If she's the kind of coward that'll pack up and leave while you're not there then she's not worth the misery and even if she did change her mind and come back, what's to stop her putting you through it again?

Chin up, have you any family to lean on?

This man speaks the truth.

When I lost my mother ( I know it's different ) but I had to do something so I worked and worked until time did it's thing and I managed to move on.

 

[EdGey]

Do you want me to punch him on the nose?

 

[arknor]

I love how everyone assumes the OP i entirely blameless in all this.

well some guy clearly started a relationship with his partner whilst they were still together which imo is wrong and extremely disrespectful.
I'd knock the guy out and hopefully he will learn not to touch any involved women again after.

I love how the ocuk forum acts all alpha and then a thread like this comes along and everyone shows their true colour

Maybe if the guy wasn't aware perhaps you would turn up on their doorstep with a bottle of something expensive and wish the guy all the best to head **** your ex but when the guy was clearly aware of what he was doing.
odds are op looks like someone who wouldn't touch a fly or this wouldn't have happened, instead he would have made her break up with you first and kept their relationship a secret.

if someone doesn't want to be with you and leaves for some other guy then fine as long as she leaves before anything happens, but like this just lack of disrespect I couldn't let him get away with it

 

[Castiel]

Do you want me to punch him on the nose?

Haha, that's alright I'll live!.

 

[Ayahuasca]

I'd knock the guy out

 

[Kamerad]

well some guy clearly started a relationship with his partner whilst they were still together which imo is wrong and extremely disrespectful.
I'd knock the guy out and hopefully he will learn not to touch any involved women again after.

I love how the ocuk forum acts all alpha and then a thread like this comes along and everyone shows their true colour

Maybe if the guy wasn't aware perhaps you would turn up on their doorstep with a bottle of something expensive and wish the guy all the best to head **** your ex but when the guy was clearly aware of what he was doing.
odds are op looks like someone who wouldn't touch a fly or this wouldn't have happened, instead he would have made her break up with you first and kept their relationship a secret.

if someone doesn't want to be with you and leaves for some other guy then fine as long as she leaves before anything happens, but like this just lack of disrespect I couldn't let him get away with it

Nice words internet hardman, why not just beat his partner up since she's the one that cheated.

In the real world if you assault someone you will most likely be arrested and could even face time in prison.

 

[Ayahuasca]

I like how he just assumes he could knock anyone out as well. Probably never trained for any length of time in a martial art and swings like a rusty gate.

 

[bainbridge]

Sorry to hear you're down at the moment but on reading your post I reckon this is a good thing.

You mentioned you both suffer from depression which couldn't have been good. If you make sure the next person you get involved with is generally quite upbeat and optimistic this will help you keep depression at bay.

Don't worry about her not offering a decent explanation and leaving a cursory note - she owes you nothing. It's over and you now have a chance with someone better.

If you need to move to a smaller place to keep your head above water so be it, you have a good job so just concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other for a while until things settle down.