Being in a relationship with a workaholic

glen8 said:
How many people are laying on their death bed saying, I'm so pleased I spent most of my life working?
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Pretty much why I don't care about money, doesn't matter so long as my bills are paid. Used to auction myself off to the highest bidder, now it's one of the less important aspects of a job for me.
 
Rosbif said:
Where did you meet this woman? Sounds like my type of woman.

OP talks of it being draining. Try being with women who do _nothing_ and cling onto you like a leech!
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That sounds like the opposite end of the spectrum.. But believe me, this isn't a better situation. We may have money, but it doesn't mean either of us are happy.

booyaka said:
how old are you and the missus?
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Mid-20's.
 
My GF works 3 jobs technically, most days she is either out 14 hours or working from home in the evening. I tend to spend that time drinking Heineken & playing on my PC or working on my car as I'm 9-5.

We are both pretty independent & it works well for us, getting married in 2016 :).
 
Personally I'd at least try and work on a compromise.
Take a year or two of living as meagre a lifestyle as you possibly can.
Cheap house, cheap economical car, no going out, no gifts or gadgets, turn the heating down, get a cheap mobile
and both work your asses into the ground...
See how much Money you can save so that one day you might be able to come to the point where you can make it work for you instead of you both working for it...
 
Ask her to work on your relationship and if she's as a big a workaholic as you say then you will be sorted in no time.
 
Tonester0011 said:
This is one of the reasons my longest relationships are less than a month. I will work 70hr weeks because I enjoy it (well, used to. Been alone a fair while now :()
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Aside from the money, what did you enjoy about it?

I can't imagine working that much every week, and not having enough free time to do other things like see mates, go to the gym etc.
 
Aedus said:
Aside from the money, what did you enjoy about it?

I can't imagine working that much every week, and not having enough free time to do other things like see mates, go to the gym etc.
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Some people - and I certainly don't understand it - just do genuinely thrive on work.
 
I used to be a workaholic but in recent years I realised it would put me in the grave (had cancer and it was a bit of a wake up call - no evidence but my lifestyle including work stress can't have helped). I still work long hours because of my job but won't do as many as before.
 
My wife is a GP and is normally gone from home for 12 hours per day, I work form home and do feel that I do not get to see her much but she loves her job so I just have to live with it.
 
OP I feel for you as I'm in kind of the same situation but the opposite way around.

I've a young family and what was supposed to be a temporary move to work back in the UK is looking more long term now with the complexity of the deal I'm working on.

In the past year I've probably spent about 3 months with my family while the other 8 or so months I've been in a separate country from them.

I do have a plan though which involves working like a beast for 5 years (3 years now) and then retiring and spending as much time as possible with them.
I'm not sure if I can hold out for another 3 years though as I do feel like I'll have missed my child growing up and I do miss the wife a lot.
Skype helps us out quite a bit though, maybe you could try something like that?
 
platypus said:
Some people - and I certainly don't understand it - just do genuinely thrive on work.
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Some jobs though require you to work this much. I used to work 100+ hr per week every week and took 4 weeks off only over a 7 year period. Did it do me any good - not really - but was it needed to get the job done. Yes it was. Could I have done something else. Yes I could. Did I want to. No I didn't.
 
'Some jobs' and 'Account Management' are not comparable, given what you are talking about.

Also, thrive and require have vastly different meanings even though they both may be necessary for a few, perhaps select lines of work.
 
sanaxe1 said:
Ask her to work on your relationship and if she's as a big a workaholic as you say then you will be sorted in no time.
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Very good :p
platypus said:
Some people - and I certainly don't understand it - just do genuinely thrive on work.
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That's the thing though, she seems to hate it! She's always exhausted from lack of sleep etc., but never makes any change.. Never works 'smarter'.. It would probably more understandable if it was done without complaint, but that's far from the case.
ICEx21 said:
OP I feel for you as I'm in kind of the same situation but the opposite way around.

I've a young family and what was supposed to be a temporary move to work back in the UK is looking more long term now with the complexity of the deal I'm working on.

In the past year I've probably spent about 3 months with my family while the other 8 or so months I've been in a separate country from them.

I do have a plan though which involves working like a beast for 5 years (3 years now) and then retiring and spending as much time as possible with them.
I'm not sure if I can hold out for another 3 years though as I do feel like I'll have missed my child growing up and I do miss the wife a lot.
Skype helps us out quite a bit though, maybe you could try something like that?
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That sucks man.. I don't have kids, but I wouldn't 'waste' those 3 years.. It's the kinda thing you will regret when you're older.
Xordium said:
Some jobs though require you to work this much. I used to work 100+ hr per week every week and took 4 weeks off only over a 7 year period. Did it do me any good - not really - but was it needed to get the job done. Yes it was. Could I have done something else. Yes I could. Did I want to. No I didn't.
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Her job doesn't require this many hours by a long way though. As I mentioned, if I did the same job, I'd be clocked off by 6pm and wouldn't work over weekends. That's all my time and I would force what I needed to do into normal working hours. Sure, there may be occasions when I need to do more, but it certainly wouldn't be regular.

I can't fault her for her hard work and dedication - if I had my own company, she would be the first person I'd think of to employ - but it comes at a cost to both of us.
 
So, she's not very good at her job - is that what we're saying here? She HAS to do these hours because she can't perform the role in less time, whilst hating her job and being exhausted, but won't change how she works?

Is any of this sounding positive to you?
 
Dr House said:
My wife is a GP and is normally gone from home for 12 hours per day, I work form home and do feel that I do not get to see her much but she loves her job so I just have to live with it.
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Not surprised she loves it. GP get paid silly money for doing not a lot!
 
I've been there mate..... had two roles where I was hitting 70hrs+ a week. When you are into it, and everyone else is into it, and the company is rolling.... it's infectious.

Luckily my wife had a similar view on work (not quite the hours, but lots of travel). That said, we always made time on the weekends to be great together.


As others have already said, sit down and be open with her. I wouldn't be too agressive with your demands, as putting the ultimatum of "me or career" is a bit OTT.

Try and get her to see a balance.


We are a few years on now, have a young child, and both have taken the foot off the gas (I do circa 50hrs, and 2 days a week from home) as having a child changed us both a lot and you want and need to be at home and spending time bringing them up.

Don't whine, but be fair and open with her.
 
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