The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

I'm still in limbo. I can't help but feel the worst, dunno if it's more to do with me and my worry personality.

She says (and I can understand it) that she doesn't know how long this is going to take. But it's getting to me. And it's hurting her. I just feel so crap all the time. We might attempt to get some outside help. Anything to help is worth it to me.

I'm still extremely worried about what will happen to myself after too of it all goes.
 
Lokai said:
Can't believe you haven't seen your kids for over 4 months that is terrible, what's the ex doing to keep you from seeing them ? Is there anything you can do ? Feel for you mate.
Click to expand...

The short version, is that she is just completely ignoring the court and the authorities, she hasn't even bothered turning up to the last 3 court hearings and to be fair the judge is absolutely furious over it. I'm not sure what the next step is but I'm hoping they order the kids to come and live with me as this can't keep going on.
 
Guys,

What's the best way to find a counselling service for relationships? Or should I start a separate threa for this?

PParticularly interested if anyone has had a successful result from this
 
al4x said:
It's all over.
Been told that no real hope of this continuing
Thanks for all the support
Click to expand...

Once you get settled into a new routine you will know it was for the best and be in a far happier place than you have been for the last few months. (speaking from experience here my relationship was about twice as long as yours and we were married)

Not the end of the world so chin up m8
 
arknor said:
Once you get settled into a new routine you will know it was for the best and be in a far happier place than you have been for the last few months. (speaking from experience here my relationship was about twice as long as yours and we were married)

Not the end of the world so chin up m8
Click to expand...

Arknor is absolutely right mate, right now you are going through hell, it feels like your whole world has just been ripped apart and you have no idea what to do, you're desperate to salvage things and want to continue the relationship.

But trust me, once you've grieved over it you'll probably find that you are much, much happier! I never thought I'd cope living on my own but apart from when I'm not seeing my kids like now I love my life... I'm my own boss, can do what I want, how I want and when I want and its great!
 
It's very hard, I'm at a point where I'm either going

-to give up mentally all together
-Go crazy and Jack everything in and restart my life, leave everything (almost nothing) behind
-Plod along in the same life, same job

What I don't want to do is find somebody else. I don't think I can take this again, especially say after 30 years. So many divorces etc is so sad.
I know this is a bad view, but it's how I feel.

I don't really love my job at all. It was for the money to build our life
I have zero friends, with moving etc
All my activities were based around my now ex

Just feels like there is no point to anything now, no goals. My goals all involved her a and the little family we built. And it's all gone.
I've felt this before, the pointlessness, the worst part is it makes sense (not being religious).. Why go through all this at all.
I doubt I'll do anything stupid as I'm too scared.

I'll be deactivating Facebook for sure. I hate it anyway.

I'm probably going to leave this as my last post while I find which path will be me.
My fear is the worst path out of the 3, but I really don't know.

Again, I really have appreciated the nice posts on here.
 
better to find out now than in 10 years or however long..
your still young enough that you will just see it as a bump in the road in a few years time and a lucky escape.

I moved to my exs city as well and never made my own friends just shared hers.
when our marriage was over I was left with 0 friends and still never made any more.

started a few hobbies to get me out the house and realise I'm better off alone.

Starting to think I should have moved back down to where I grew up though instead of staying up north.
 
Last edited:
Never make any woman the be all and end all of your own personal universe! Go out and build the life you want for yourself, get the friends, the job, the place, the hobbies etc you want so that if and when you're ready to meet someone else they're another part of this awesome life! Not your awesome new life...
 
Can I get some advice please?

Met someone that I like and she's keen on me but she has a kid. I'm really not good with kids and don't want any of my own. How does it normally work?

Are women generally pretty good with arranging things with the ex to keep the youngster out of the way until you're at a stage where it's inevitable that you get involved?

I'm in my 30s so I'm not stupid and am aware of the fact that a lot of women I meet will have a kid or kids already. Actually if I'm honest, the women I've been dating who don't have kids have all been a bit mentally unbalanced. Maybe the hormones do something when they hit a certain age and haven't popped one out?

Should I just bail and run?

Qualifying statement: She is hot as hell and I'd normally consider her out of my league.
 
Last edited:
Narj said:
Can I get some advice please?

Met someone that I like and she's keen on me but she has a kid. I'm really not good with kids and don't want any of my own. How does it normally work?

Are women generally pretty good with arranging things with the ex to keep the youngster out of the way until you're at a stage where it's inevitable that you get involved?

I'm in my 30s so I'm not stupid and am aware of the fact that a lot of women I meet will have a kid or kids already. Actually if I'm honest, the women I've been dating who don't have kids have all been a bit mentally unbalanced. Maybe the hormones do something when they hit a certain age and haven't popped one out?

Should I just bail and run?

Qualifying statement: She is hot as hell and I'd normally consider her out of my league.
Click to expand...

It depends on what you want.

If you want for you both to do your own thing, go travelling, generally be in your own world then forget about it, the kid will always be #1 to her, which is fair enough and how it should be.

If you are happy to settle down, put the kid first when planning stuff together then go for it.

My ex had a kid and as much as I tried to become a 'family man' I just didn't have the same feeling for the kid as it wasn't mine, and well I wasn't ready to settle down either. It didnt work out for various reasons, which is good as Im now with someone who doesnt have a kid and it's way better.
 
A2Z said:
It depends on what you want.

If you want for you both to do your own thing, go travelling, generally be in your own world then forget about it, the kid will always be #1 to her, which is fair enough and how it should be.

If you are happy to settle down, put the kid first when planning stuff together then go for it.

My ex had a kid and as much as I tried to become a 'family man' I just didn't have the same feeling for the kid as it wasn't mine, and well I wasn't ready to settle down either. It didnt work out for various reasons, which is good as Im now with someone who doesnt have a kid and it's way better.
Click to expand...

Thanks for that! Will mull it over. Pretty much echoes all my thoughts!
 
Life has thrown me for a a curveball too. I may have mentioned it here but me and the Fiance broke up a year or so ago and got back together. This is the same one I moved to NZ to. Yesterday we finally decided to call it quits for good. It is probably me. In my hearts of hearts of hearts I don't want to be in a relationship. Subconsciously I always sabotage it. Off course it's not all me but a lot of her crap stems from me. I acknowledge that and she agreed that it's best if we part ways now. I have a business and employees along with a house so it's not going to be easy. But bottom line is, I'm moving out of Christchurch. I contemplated last night going home to London but nah, nothing there for me. So I'm heading up to Wellington for a year or so when the dust settles to try out a new city. It might be vulgar saying this but I'm just thankful I have money to give me options.

I feel good and excited about the future. Sad that things didn't work out but I refuse to dwell on that.
 
Girlfriend who ive been seeing for just over a month is in the middle of ending it between us. Feel really gutted, didn't expect it. Basically we work together but in different units. She strongly believes in keeping work and pleasure seperatly. She just got offered a promotion but in my unit. Now she thinks its gonna be awkward and doesn't want to hurt me. She might be coming over my house tomorrow to talk.
Actually gutted I hope I can change her mind.
 
bakes0310 said:
Girlfriend who ive been seeing for just over a month is in the middle of ending it between us. Feel really gutted, didn't expect it. Basically we work together but in different units. She strongly believes in keeping work and pleasure seperatly. She just got offered a promotion but in my unit. Now she thinks its gonna be awkward and doesn't want to hurt me. She might be coming over my house tomorrow to talk.
Actually gutted I hope I can change her mind.
Click to expand...

To be honest, I think she has another reason in her head but not telling you.
 
She aint cheating on me, she does geniunly have problems with having relationships in a workplace, due to bad experience in her previous job. She's coming over tomorrow so that we can talk, I don't think its going to go my way :(
 
Never one to post things like this but anyway.

My ex girlfiend contacted me on Monday asking would I meet up for a coffee as she needs to talk about a few things. I met up with her and she proceeded to tell me she has been offered a job in Australia which she is accepting, along with taking our 4 year old daughter with her. :(

I spoke with my solicitor and there isn't much I could do even if I wanted to, I could put a halt to it until it goes in front of a judge who will decide whats best for the child. I only just turned 24, currently unemployed and living with my parents again, I wouldn't have much luck in keeping her here. I'm not stating that I would put a stop to it, I'm just letting you know that before its suggested I do it.

I have made the decision of giving consent for her to take our daughter. I have been in tears since and just generally feel like the worst dad in the world. I have so many "what ifs" running through my head. My daughter spends her weekends with me here and its the only thing I look forward to. The rest of the week is spent missing her and waiting for the weekend to come again.

No amount of Skype calls/holiday could replace the feeling of being with her often.

Not so much an advice post but feeling so many different things right now and needed to talk. My family and friends are no help.
 
Dempsey22 said:
Never one to post things like this but anyway.

My ex girlfiend contacted me on Monday asking would I meet up for a coffee as she needs to talk about a few things. I met up with her and she proceeded to tell me she has been offered a job in Australia which she is accepting, along with taking our 4 year old daughter with her. :(

I spoke with my solicitor and there isn't much I could do even if I wanted to, I could put a halt to it until it goes in front of a judge who will decide whats best for the child. I only just turned 24, currently unemployed and living with my parents again, I wouldn't have much luck in keeping her here. I'm not stating that I would put a stop to it, I'm just letting you know that before its suggested I do it.

I have made the decision of giving consent for her to take our daughter. I have been in tears since and just generally feel like the worst dad in the world. I have so many "what ifs" running through my head. My daughter spends her weekends with me here and its the only thing I look forward to. The rest of the week is spent missing her and waiting for the weekend to come again.

No amount of Skype calls/holiday could replace the feeling of being with her often.

Not so much an advice post but feeling so many different things right now and needed to talk. My family and friends are no help.
Click to expand...

Really feel for you mate :( Must be a horrible situation, gives me anxiety thinking about it. The mother of my child is always talking about a better life elsewhere and her best friend plus child has just moved to Australia. I can see the subject coming up soon.
 
Dempsey, how well do you get on with your ex's mother? Might she be someone you could talk to, even if it's just civil conversation rather than heart to heart stuff? Her being the next closest person to your daughter might help considering she's still in this country...(?)
 
Dempsey22 said:
I only just turned 24, currently unemployed and living with my parents again
Click to expand...

Why not migrate as well?

Do you have any relatives in Australia or any skills on the wanted list? If you were willing to live in Darwin you may be able to get out there anyway (state sponsored) and lets face it, Darwin to nsw/victoria is a lot closer than from heathrow!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom