It's through sexual activity.
The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
- Thread starter mattyprice4004
- Start date
It's through sexual activity.
Because it takes months or even years for the symptoms to show up. Doesnt mean she cheated at all and i never think she did.
We spoke again tonight, she said she's just not happy and wants alone time. She wants to spend time with her friends and she feels selfish and doesnt like hurting me by spending so much time with them. So i've done it, i told her if she wants a break she can pack up and stay with her friends, she can stay in the spare room and she can stop with the joking and the cuddles etc and telling me she loves me. Sucks, but i think you guys are right, i needed to do it for me.
Soldato
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- 23 Dec 2013
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Did i miss something? Can't see anything stating how SHE got it. Correct me if i have missed it. Also, an STD doesn't necessarily mean she cheated at all.
Well it's pretty clear she cheated on you, you can't catch it unless you come in contact with someone who has it.
How do you get HPV?
HPV is spread through direct skin-to-skin contact with someone who has an HPV infection. Contact includes vaginal, anal, and oral sex. Some types of HPV cause genital warts, which are hard, rough lumps that develop on the skin. Anyone who is sexually active can get HPV and genital warts.
In women, genital warts most often appear:
On the vulva (the outer female genital area)
In or around the vagina
In or around the anus
On the groin (where the genital area meets the inner thigh)
On the cervix
How do you get HPV?
HPV is spread through direct skin-to-skin contact with someone who has an HPV infection. Contact includes vaginal, anal, and oral sex. Some types of HPV cause genital warts, which are hard, rough lumps that develop on the skin. Anyone who is sexually active can get HPV and genital warts.
In women, genital warts most often appear:
On the vulva (the outer female genital area)
In or around the vagina
In or around the anus
On the groin (where the genital area meets the inner thigh)
On the cervix
She didnt need one
Just to point out mate "can take" doesn't mean it does usually it's pretty quick.
Would you at least set up some kind of line in the sand? It seems you tell her how you are feeling about her drinking and such, and she agrees not to do it and then does it anyway pretty much straight after which is lying.
I just wonder at what point you would be willing to break up with her or if you just wanted to rant? There has got to be a point where the lies, breakups and makeups start to make you feel that it isn't likely it is going to work.
It also worries me she is off her medication just to drink when she clearly needs her medication? Is alcohol more important then her mental health to her?
I just wonder at what point you would be willing to break up with her or if you just wanted to rant? There has got to be a point where the lies, breakups and makeups start to make you feel that it isn't likely it is going to work.
It also worries me she is off her medication just to drink when she clearly needs her medication? Is alcohol more important then her mental health to her?
never heard of prozac reacting badly with alcohol.
heard lots of people blame their meds for getting **** faced and doing stupid stuff though.
krisboats run to the hills.
You want relationship counselling? Might need a relationship first not an almighty problem. My ex had moments like your wall of text and all you need to do is walk away. Block her from your life and remember you're a good person that doesn't need this nonsense.
There is nothing to gain trying to sort her life out when she very clearly isn't trying to help her self and you're being taken for a ride.
You want relationship counselling? Might need a relationship first not an almighty problem. My ex had moments like your wall of text and all you need to do is walk away. Block her from your life and remember you're a good person that doesn't need this nonsense.
There is nothing to gain trying to sort her life out when she very clearly isn't trying to help her self and you're being taken for a ride.
I get the feeling her heart loves me but her head is telling her not to. Neither of us can stop the stress of her mum being sectioned, she either cant or wont do anything about the bad conditions at work, logically the easiest option is to bail on a stressful relationship (even if its stress caused by her). She knows she's hurting me when she does this and it makes her feel terrible with how its affecting me so she has guilt and the stress that comes from it. I think with all her stress, peer pressure at work and taking herself off her medications her head isnt in the right place to be making these kind of decisions.
I think the alcohol with friends is her escapism from dealing with her problems. She tends to leave things and distract herself hoping they'll go away only to let them get worse.
I am very concerned about coming off the medication in order to drink. She wont admit its the reason why but it clearly is. The doctor told her prozac is one of the safest ones to have alcohol with as the prozac is longer lasting. The previous one she was on would be negated for a few days after alcohol consumption and she'd get withdrawel symptoms from it. He did say no heavy drinking though and wanted weekly checkups before her CBT began, but shes still on the waiting list for CBT and doesnt go to the doctors for checkups.
Anytime the self harm or drugs are brought up she'll dismiss it as being the pills/boozes fault and wont take any responsibility for it. She has scars on her arm from where she self harmed as a teenager but wasnt on pills back then. The excuse for that is she was young and stupid.
I don't want to break up with her, i want to help her and for us to go onto living our lives out together and being happy. But i came here for advice and it seems i may be clinging onto something beyond repair, especially if she isnt wanting to help herself. The problem is whenever we talk she'll bring up something i've done and say how bad it is, like that i didnt cook dinner enough or she'd come home and i'd be playing xbox so she would presume i'd been doing that all day. Not that i was at work for 8 hours and chilling out until she decided to turn up late from work at whatever time in the evening. But i tend to come away feeling guilty for it and it gets turned into a much bigger problem than her lying about not drinking, then coming home and slicing holes all over her body. Whenever i tell her how things are improving for us and that i'll be there for her she says she can never forgive me for not letting her brother stay and for not leaving work to come let her in that day, even though i'd have most likely lost my job. When i say that she says i should have been more reassuring to her at the time and not angry, telling her to sort it herslef and i feel guilty straight away that i didnt react like that. For the past 3-4 months i've found it incredibly hard to see the scars and not think of seeing her like that. They're a glaring reminder of what happened and i know how awful it was to find her like that. What with the HPV problems and the scars i've been distant in terms of closeness and i feel guilty about that. I keep wondering if i should have just ignored it and been close anyway but it was so hard at the time and i've never had to deal with something like this before. She says she's felt like i just didnt like her at all at times and its a big part of why she's wanting to have space now. I know how much i've cared about her which is why it hurt so much to see her undressed with the giant scars across her legs, stomach and arms.
I guess i dont know what i want from all this. I still see the possibility of a future together if we can get all of these problems dealt with but i'm not sure if she feels the same way. But then from what you're all saying i'm wondering if i'm just hanging onto false hopes. I dont really have anyone i can tell the full story to so writing it all down helps to vent and get things off my chest and you guys can offer genuinely impartial advice so i guess thats why i'm talking about it now.
Soldato
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- 24 Apr 2011
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- 5,455
Your problem is one of the more 'real' ones as far as I'm concerned. I really do believe that you think that there is something, because you have said it time and time again. I think what we are all telling you is that the first help has to come from the individual that needs changing, You can give a kid all the books and education he wants, but if he doesn't want to learn, he won't. I think you need to make sure whether your SO wants to change. It looks like she is giving you all the negative signs, whilst pushing you back, but you want to keep trying.
Ultimately, it's your call. You SHOULD NOT feel guilty for any eventual self harm if you do break up. It is inevitable that she will try that trick on you, I can guarantee it. She is not a kid. She has her own mind and she can make her own decisions. Make her seek help.
Well she's giving me signs that she cares as well, which is why i dont want to give up yet. Like saturday she said she doesnt want a relationship and that she wants to move out and see how we are once we have our own places. Then she leaves to go out and says she'll be back in the morning and that she wants to go out for food when she's back to have some fun together and finishes by saying she loves me as she leaves the house. I told her last night it was seperate rooms and if she didnt want a relationship she'd have to give me space and stop at a friends house or something. I woke up at just before 8am today when she came into my room to say she was going to work and come rub my arm and 'see how i was doing'. It makes things pretty confusing at the minute but i guess looking back objectively she wants to feel better than she does now, but rather than deal with the problems with therapy and seeking help she's doing the quick fix of spending all her time with the fun young new girl at work to try and get away from things.
She just doesn't want to be the bad guy. She wants to be able to say it was your decision to break up. At the same time, every time you want to discuss something with her she deflects it into something where she's blaming everything on you, picking out problems in the past that should be long forgotten to make everything "your fault".
She says she feels bad when she does things to hurt you, but does them anyway. She says she loves you but can never forgive. Says she wants to get better but goes off her meds so she can drink and take drugs with her friends. Wants to make sure you're okay, but wants to leave you.
This woman will **** up your life if you stick with her, as she doesn't want to fix herself or her relationship with you. She's just making the right noises to make herself feel better, and doesn't even know what she is doing.
You might love who she was, or the image of her in your head, but she will eventually ruin even that as she continues on this path, and you will end up finishing with her anyway. You have to see that although she says she cares for you (and she may even fool herself into believing that), her actions say that she really doesn't care if you're hurt as long as she gets to do what she wants.
You and your well being, even the love you feel for her just don't matter to her because her actions show you're not important to her. You're not building a life together, she's doing her own thing and you're just hanging on to the past trying to make her be something she isn't.
You have to face the reality of what is your life, not the fantasy of what you wish it to be, and make your decisions based on the situation you find yourself in ie, she doesn't want to have a life with you, you don't matter much to her, she wants a separate life, she can't forgive you for things that are in the past and throws them back in your face, and keeps bringing up any issue real and imagined to make sure everything is your fault and she never has to fix anything about herself.
Does that sound like someone you want to build a life with?
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Kris, your girlfriend has classic Daddy issues which generally involve self harming, drinking excessively and doing drugs, and also being rather promiscuous. As someone who had the misfortunate of dating a girl like that I can tell you that you'd be much happier with someone else. She's most likely cheated/cheating on you (going out all weekend, staying out till the early morning, STD early on in the relationship) and actually contributes very little towards the relationship apart from causing you constant grief. She's never going to be the girlfriend you want her to be. Do yourself a favour and find a decent girlfriend
Wow, didn't even know about this forum, but really heartfelt reading. Sound advice i feel.
Having known a girl who sounds very much like what Krisboats is describing, there is no light at the end of the foreseeable tunnel i'm afraid. You must get out, now. Part of you is probably wanting to 'see this through' as you feel you've already 'wasted' so much time with it. Don't deem it a waste, but an education. Don't feel guilty for yourself or her, just see it as life moving onto another chapter. At least braking things off now while there is some affection left means it should be easier, as opposed to thing s getting worse...
Whatever is written here however you'll probably read, understand and the fundamentally ignore. Been there, done that, got the postcard - wont do it again
Having known a girl who sounds very much like what Krisboats is describing, there is no light at the end of the foreseeable tunnel i'm afraid. You must get out, now. Part of you is probably wanting to 'see this through' as you feel you've already 'wasted' so much time with it. Don't deem it a waste, but an education. Don't feel guilty for yourself or her, just see it as life moving onto another chapter. At least braking things off now while there is some affection left means it should be easier, as opposed to thing s getting worse...
Whatever is written here however you'll probably read, understand and the fundamentally ignore. Been there, done that, got the postcard - wont do it again