Asking the father
- Thread starter holymonk
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I did but feel I should not have as he has no business saying who his daughter can or can not marry but they did say yes
Oh come on, if you are going to marry, it's a nice gesture, plus you'll gain muchos respectos from the future in laws, it's a win win situation for the sake of one awkward conversation.
Soldato
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My sister said she would not be happy if her fiancé did it. OP we don't know your GF so only you can make a decision.
I did but feel I should not have as he has no business saying who his daughter can or can not marry but they did say yes
Well legally speaking you are correct, if you smack her about, she's still free to marry you.
It's a social thing.
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It is a tradition, is it required? No. However, you know him better than any of us, is he the sort of person that would appreciate the gesture? If so, do it. If not, then don't.
Personally, whilst I think the girl I want to marry is an adult and able to make up her own mind, I would also feel, out of respect, that asking the head of the household is the right thing to do. This is just my own personal take on it. It's also a nice gesture, and what harm will it do?
As such, I did ask not so much for permission, but just out of respect and because well, if I couldn't ask him, I'd struggle to have asked her!
Personally, whilst I think the girl I want to marry is an adult and able to make up her own mind, I would also feel, out of respect, that asking the head of the household is the right thing to do. This is just my own personal take on it. It's also a nice gesture, and what harm will it do?
As such, I did ask not so much for permission, but just out of respect and because well, if I couldn't ask him, I'd struggle to have asked her!
If you think she comes from a family where it is appropriate then do it.
Its an impossible question..... without a pic of her..... Preferably in a bikini or similar.
Seriously if she is Churchy or her parents are affluent middle class then ask him, when he says no poo through their letterbox as you flee.
Its an impossible question..... without a pic of her..... Preferably in a bikini or similar.
Seriously if she is Churchy or her parents are affluent middle class then ask him, when he says no poo through their letterbox as you flee.
Well marriage was a business transaction so it made sense, "Yes you can marry my daughter, what family name/dowry can you provide?" . Now it's generally more of a romantic notion it makes less sense.
I hate this response. It's similar to not saying thank you to something for doing something nice for you, because you didn't ask for it. Sure, there is no actual obligation according to the law or anything, but it's just common good grace and manners.
If it helps, don't think of it as asking permission, but as asking for their blessing
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Both my daughters have long term boyfriends and both are looking for houses.
I will expect to be asked, if not I'll be upset.
I will expect to be asked, if not I'll be upset.
Why?
Well put... I asked and although his response was "of course, you'd be better off asking her though" I'm told he's always been chuffed I showed him the respect of speaking to him as head of the household first explaining "my intentions"It is a tradition, is it required? No. However, you know him better than any of us, is he the sort of person that would appreciate the gesture? If so, do it. If not, then don't.
Personally, whilst I think the girl I want to marry is an adult and able to make up her own mind, I would also feel, out of respect, that asking the head of the household is the right thing to do. This is just my own personal take on it. It's also a nice gesture, and what harm will it do?
As such, I did ask not so much for permission, but just out of respect and because well, if I couldn't ask him, I'd struggle to have asked her!
.As for "it's an archaic tradition", if that's your view then why even bother with getting married in the first place or taking part in any one of a dozen archaic traditions linked with getting married...
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I would not ask because what's the point in asking someone a question if you don't do something different based on the answer.
this, you should ask for at least 5 cows, 4 camels and a flock of sheep. If he offers anything less then take the mandatory dump through his letterbox...................
Why so black and white? Marriage and weddings aren't the same thing.
I can totally see why some traditions are upheld. This isn't one of them.
I did it because I think as long as you get on with the father in law, it's a nice thing to do as a mark of respect.
That said, I don't think it's a necessity, nor would I criticise anyone who chooses not to. It's a personal choice.
If I didn't get on with him or there were "problems" I probably wouldn't have, although I would have still thought about it for my benefit alone.
I think my father in law was pleased that I did ask him though.
That said, I don't think it's a necessity, nor would I criticise anyone who chooses not to. It's a personal choice.
If I didn't get on with him or there were "problems" I probably wouldn't have, although I would have still thought about it for my benefit alone.
I think my father in law was pleased that I did ask him though.