Ah, screw her then. Got someone else who's actually wanting to talk to me so i can afford to be a little more picky. Something i've never really done in all honesty so probably why i've had two relationships with people exhibiting depression/daddy issues.
The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
- Thread starter mattyprice4004
- Start date
Ah, screw her then. Got someone else who's actually wanting to talk to me so i can afford to be a little more picky. Something i've never really done in all honesty so probably why i've had two relationships with people exhibiting depression/daddy issues.
I asked but she's "going gym". I don't get why someone would make plans, then never show and be disinterested later. Oh well, quiet evening for once for me then
Oh, so she thought the date was tonight instead of last night, but now she has other important plans like "going to the gym"? Well, unless she's something special, move on. She obviously just couldn't be bothered, so find someone who can. Unless she chases you, I wouldn't give her a second thought.
That's the plan. I've never really been fussy before.... i could get used to this
Move her to the boot call catagory, keep enough contact that setting up a short notice meet isn't a major issue then look for something better for long term
That girls number I got on Sat night, well I met her last night for dinner. She wasn't all that, no where near what I remember. So I had a few drinks and took her home anyway, because I could. What's that say about me?
Human.
We had arranged to go out for a meal tonight, i had a table booked etc etc. I'd asked her to reconfirm it was ok before booking the table.
Was i out of line ? I have my opinion but would like some others too. Dad lives about 50 miles away
Her
Can we go out Sunday day / night instead as (Dad) now decided he wants (daughter) till Tuesday so I have to wash and pack for 5 days now!!!
(friend is) round tonight for my massage and if I'm at your tomorrow I won't be able to do it then and then I'm taking her to (Dad) on Friday night after work !!
If we do sunday we could go for a day session and dinner !! 
xx
Me
table is booked and I've arranged my work to be hungover Friday and busy Monday
....
anyway aren't you out on Saturday ? You'll tired and hungover on Sunday ? Xx
Her
Yes I'm at (other friends) for her birthday but it's a day do. I'm sure you can change the table till Sunday and you have been saying you want to do a Sunday session
I'm trying to accommodate everyone here and it's not easy xx
Me
I'll cancel the table but won't book anything for Sunday in case it doesn't happen.
Him buying some clothes to keep down there for her would perhaps be a helpful idea xx
Her
Yes don't bother booking it as tbh with you sarcastic attitude I do t think I'll bother !!
If offers you an even better compromise and even that's not good enough
Me
??? Honestly was not being sarcastic !!
Was i out of line ? I have my opinion but would like some others too. Dad lives about 50 miles away
Her
Can we go out Sunday day / night instead as (Dad) now decided he wants (daughter) till Tuesday so I have to wash and pack for 5 days now!!!
(friend is) round tonight for my massage and if I'm at your tomorrow I won't be able to do it then and then I'm taking her to (Dad) on Friday night after work !!
If we do sunday we could go for a day session and dinner !!
xxMe
table is booked and I've arranged my work to be hungover Friday and busy Monday
anyway aren't you out on Saturday ? You'll tired and hungover on Sunday ? Xx
Her
Yes I'm at (other friends) for her birthday but it's a day do. I'm sure you can change the table till Sunday and you have been saying you want to do a Sunday session
I'm trying to accommodate everyone here and it's not easy xx
Me
I'll cancel the table but won't book anything for Sunday in case it doesn't happen.
Him buying some clothes to keep down there for her would perhaps be a helpful idea xx
Her
Yes don't bother booking it as tbh with you sarcastic attitude I do t think I'll bother !!
If offers you an even better compromise and even that's not good enough
Me
??? Honestly was not being sarcastic !!
We had arranged to go out for a meal tonight, i had a table booked etc etc. I'd asked her to reconfirm it was ok before booking the table.
Was i out of line ? I have my opinion but would like some others too. Dad lives about 50 miles away
Her
Can we go out Sunday day / night instead as (Dad) now decided he wants (daughter) till Tuesday so I have to wash and pack for 5 days now!!!
(friend is) round tonight for my massage and if I'm at your tomorrow I won't be able to do it then and then I'm taking her to (Dad) on Friday night after work !!
If we do sunday we could go for a day session and dinner !!
Me
table is booked and I've arranged my work to be hungover Friday and busy Monday....
anyway aren't you out on Saturday ? You'll tired and hungover on Sunday ? Xx
Her
Yes I'm at (other friends) for her birthday but it's a day do. I'm sure you can change the table till Sunday and you have been saying you want to do a Sunday session
I'm trying to accommodate everyone here and it's not easy xx
Me
I'll cancel the table but won't book anything for Sunday in case it doesn't happen.
Him buying some clothes to keep down there for her would perhaps be a helpful idea xx
Her
Yes don't bother booking it as tbh with you sarcastic attitude I do t think I'll bother !!
If offers you an even better compromise and even that's not good enough
Me
??? Honestly was not being sarcastic !!
To be honest you were not out of line at all, and it seems she is making excuses. What would have happened if you didn't confirm? Would she have stood you up or not told you? It seems that a few people on here are being directed and messed about by women so you're not the only one. Maybe it's a test or perhaps they want the control. I beleive that if someone genuinely wants to see you then they will make the time and the effort to do so and not mess you about, this includes women who has kids and responsibilities. My opinion would be to take control, brush her off a bit and don't make yourself too available. If she doesn't come back to you or start putting effort in then she clearly is not worth your time.
Forcing you to change everything at the last minute is basically a test, to see if you are really interested, or a way for her to throw her toys out of the pram and blame you when things don't go to plan or you don't bend over backwards to accommodate her. Nice of her that's she "trying to accommodate" you by making you change all your plans for everyone else's convenience.
This is the problem with women with kids, exes, baggage, etc, is you've got to fit into her life, and you're often well down the pecking order. Instead of telling her ex she's got plans made and she's not going to rearrange everything for what he wants at short notice, she'd rather drop the problem onto you, and then get in a strop when you object.
Personally I'd say "fine, I'll find something else to do if what your ex wants is that important to you that you want to trash the whole weekend" and see if she tries to make it up to you or if she just blames you for everything. Point out she's the one messing you about, not the other way around, so she's not in a position to get a strop on.
I hope you've not got a long term thing planned with this woman, she doesn't sound like she's that into you.
This is the problem with women with kids, exes, baggage, etc, is you've got to fit into her life, and you're often well down the pecking order. Instead of telling her ex she's got plans made and she's not going to rearrange everything for what he wants at short notice, she'd rather drop the problem onto you, and then get in a strop when you object.
Personally I'd say "fine, I'll find something else to do if what your ex wants is that important to you that you want to trash the whole weekend" and see if she tries to make it up to you or if she just blames you for everything. Point out she's the one messing you about, not the other way around, so she's not in a position to get a strop on.
I hope you've not got a long term thing planned with this woman, she doesn't sound like she's that into you.
A common trait for men and women who are not being entirely transparent with the truth (for whatever reasons) is to displace the situation.
For example, an old ex of mine who was cheating, went off the mental end of the scale when I called her out on it, accusing me of all sorts and loosing her temper and making out like I was being unreasonable or out of order.
I appear to see quite a lot of this behaviour, either over something big (like the doing the dirty behind your back) but also over small stuff like Stolly's prospective date hammering out the 'don't bother with that attitude' thing.
When arranging stuff with a potential date, I think everyone deserves one opportunity to re-arrange when something goes awry with the plans, however brief. (if they **** it up more than once it gives you some insight into their likely chaotic life; do you want any of that long term?)
My first reaction to the girl with the 'sarcasm' comments would be along the lines of if she's getting snotty over something at this early stage, what's she going to be like later on?
For me, I'd give it the benefit of the doubt should she come back and instigate communication in a more conciliatory tone, but the red flags would be out.
For example, an old ex of mine who was cheating, went off the mental end of the scale when I called her out on it, accusing me of all sorts and loosing her temper and making out like I was being unreasonable or out of order.
I appear to see quite a lot of this behaviour, either over something big (like the doing the dirty behind your back) but also over small stuff like Stolly's prospective date hammering out the 'don't bother with that attitude' thing.
When arranging stuff with a potential date, I think everyone deserves one opportunity to re-arrange when something goes awry with the plans, however brief. (if they **** it up more than once it gives you some insight into their likely chaotic life; do you want any of that long term?)
My first reaction to the girl with the 'sarcasm' comments would be along the lines of if she's getting snotty over something at this early stage, what's she going to be like later on?
For me, I'd give it the benefit of the doubt should she come back and instigate communication in a more conciliatory tone, but the red flags would be out.
Ah just to be clear, its a "date night" but we've been seeing each other for over a year...there has been talk (from her side) about moving in. I'm not keen, due to more than a few displays of this sort of behavior. She needs to demonstrate a long period of reasonableness before i subject myself to something that's quite hard to get away from..
Well now that makes her behaviour seem even worse
I would have thought that the amount of time you have been seeing each other the tests would have stopped by now. Maybe she is behaving like this because she wants more from you (moving in) and you're not accomodating her on an emotional level. Not saying she is right or you're wrong but there clearly needs to be some discussion as to where you both want to take things. I understand totally she has a child and that causes 'baggage' as it were. I am a single father with sole custody over my son and my previous relationships I have tended to date single mothers because they have a better understanding on how priorities work. Saying that it doesn't always work out that way
You are asking for trouble if she ever moved in with you. No wonder you are not keen.
She is now, this might sound terrible (does to me because i've never done it before) but i'm texting a couple of people at same time. Not met any of them, but keen to see how things develop with them all. I'm starting to feel like i can't deal with them all at once though so might slow the messages down and chill out with some me time.
Oh what a dilemma having too many to chat with at once
In seriousness I too have been in the same situation as you with up to 6 conversations going on at the same time. Whilst it's all good to start off with, it can develop into a nightmare keeping up with so many strings of conversation
The best thing I did was to just cut out the ones that I wasn't going to let anything happen with and keep the ones who I connected with. You'd be surprised how many women are happy to just chat knowing that nothing more will develop other than friendship. Now I have a good few female friends who I can chat and laugh with on a mutual level
She sounds like a pain in the bum, talk to her and ask her why she's doing it. It's the only way you'll get to the bottom of it, she's probably frustrated about something and then getting upset because you can't read minds and instantly know what's wrong.
Soldato
- Joined
- 27 Apr 2013
- Posts
- 4,095
On the other hand, maybe she is struggling to have a relationship with you alongside the weight of work and her child. Moving in together will enable her to have that relationship. If you think you could have a future with her, then you need to make the extra effort to make things work around her burdens.
I realise everyone will disagree and say "don't be a pushover" etc but sometimes women aren't playing games and are just hopeless at managing their responsibilities. It would be a shame to give something up which you could fix.
Oh what a dilemma having too many to chat with at once
In seriousness I too have been in the same situation as you with up to 6 conversations going on at the same time. Whilst it's all good to start off with, it can develop into a nightmare keeping up with so many strings of conversation
The best thing I did was to just cut out the ones that I wasn't going to let anything happen with and keep the ones who I connected with. You'd be surprised how many women are happy to just chat knowing that nothing more will develop other than friendship. Now I have a good few female friends who I can chat and laugh with on a mutual level
I know, i couldn't believe it at first, thought i'd stepped into someone elses life haha. Kinda just want to sit in my house on my own though at the minute and veg out, not in a bad way... more a, gym, helping parents sort their house, work, planning trip to france, getting moved in, catching up with old friends and building new furniture has meant i just don't have the patience for it right now.
Going against the grain a little here, her first text seemed fairly reasonable, she had a problem and suggested a solution. At which point you started putting barriers up.
Text can be an awful medium for those sorts of conversation as tone of voice is assumed.